


...Clark Is Actually Pretty Ok With This, Thanks

by josephina_x



Series: ...Who Needs Rescuing, Again? [1]
Category: Smallville
Genre: (but not really), (if you like that sort of thing), (no really), (yeah my mind is just weird like that), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BDSM sort-of, Clark gets collared by-the-way, Gen, definitely a prank war, kind-of more of a platonic brofest actually, sometimes there is SRS BSNS though, yeah is actually -is- gen believe it or not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-23
Updated: 2012-08-01
Packaged: 2017-11-10 13:18:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 54,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/466735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josephina_x/pseuds/josephina_x
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Lex decided to be a little more... evil... at the end of Wrath? What if he decided to punish Clark, for Lana's transgression? ...What if Clark <i>agreed</i> to sacrifice himself for her sake? Would Clark break? Or would he... bend?</p><p>...Hey, that would be a <i>totally crazy fic</i>, am I right? --Unfortunately, this is not that. (Oops.) <i>Here</i>, Lex kind of goes the other route. You know, the whole brotherly-love one.</p><p>So, instead, you get Lex being pissed about Lana treating Clark like her own personal bitch, Clark's "sacrifice" isn't so much of one, and everybody else is left standing around scratching their heads while Lana ends up doing screechy-harpy things which we don't have to hear too much about -- you're welcome. (Chloe does, though. Feel sorry for Chloe, and send her emergency chocolate cake, stat.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And So It Begins...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: ...Clark Is Actually Pretty Ok With This, Thanks  
> Author: [josephina_x](http://josephina-x.livejournal.com)  
> Fandom: Smallville  
> Pairing: Clark, Lex  
> Rating: R (because it sort of has vague references to themes of BDSM *shrug*)  
> Spoilers: References season 6 and previous, general spoilers for early season 7 and all prior. Diverges at the end of Wrath (7x07) when Clark goes to talk to Lex.  
> Word count: 7800+  
> Summary: What if Lex decided to be a little more... evil... at the end of Wrath? What if he decided to punish Clark, for Lana's transgression? ...What if Clark _agreed_ to sacrifice himself for her sake? Would Clark break? Or would he... bend?
> 
> ...Hey, that would be a _totally crazy fic_ , am I right? --Unfortunately, this is not that. (Oops.) _Here_ , Lex kind of goes the other route. You know, the whole brotherly-love one.
> 
> So, instead, you get Lex being pissed about Lana treating Clark like her own personal bitch, Clark's "sacrifice" isn't so much of one, and everybody else is left standing around scratching their heads while Lana ends up doing screechy-harpy things which we don't have to hear too much about -- you're welcome. (Chloe does, though. Feel sorry for Chloe, and send her emergency chocolate cake, stat.)  
> Warnings: Un-beta'd. Oh, the crackity-crack-crack.  
> Disclaimer: Not mine, not-for-profit.  
> Comments: Yes, please! :)  
> Author's Note: Yet another fic where Lex may end up thinking he's being a little bit evil by splitting Clark and Lana up however he can. (And he, uh, _kind of_ is? ...Yeah, that may have not been _quite_ his original thought process. It was more like he thought he might give screwing with Clark's head a try, just to see how he feels about it. Meh revenge, meh.)
> 
> Believe it or not, this kind of ends up more of a platonic bro-fest -slash- prank war between the two of them, that anything really super-dark or BDSM.
> 
> Also, this Lex is totally uninitiated in the fine arts of BDSM and, more specifically, all that dominant-submissive... stuff. (...Ok, yeah, technically so am I, but I've read fic. ...That sort-of counts, right? ^_^;; ...Well, let's just pretend it does, shush :-P ) --So, yeah, this means that Lex kinda obviously doesn't get that the submissive is the one with all the real power and stuff, among other stuff. They're just a pair of Kansas boys, bumbling along, hum dee dee, hum dee doo, ...and what are collars for, again? *innocent look* *grins* ;)

~*~*~*~*~*~

Clark stood in Lex's foyer by the library windows, somewhat nervously. Everything was painted in odd colors from the setting sun streaming in through the stained glass. He knew Lana had been in the wrong; he knew that he himself had been in the wrong for not trying to get the other half of his powers back from Lana immediately after the accident. Lightning might not strike twice, but electrical substations were a dime a dozen.

He could only hope that Lex would be understanding, because even now, when Lex had been tossing hard truths at him in the barn about Lana keeping secrets from him earlier that same day, he had seemed to at least _understand_.

Even if was only so that he could make Clark hurt that much _worse_.

Lex lazily swirled his drink with a sigh, the ice cubes clinking softly against the sides of the glass tumbler.

"No, Clark," he said. "I won't press charges against Lana..."

Clark let out a sigh of relief.

"...if you can give me a reason not to."

Clark felt like his body had flash-frozen solid.

He looked up at Lex, into the man's gaze -- lowered eyelids, calm, smooth, cutting smirk an inch away from the rim of the glass -- and croaked, "...What?"

"I won't press charges against Lana, if you can give me a reason not to," Lex repeated, sipping his drink, watching him. His eyes flickered down to his drink and he took a sip. He seemed to roll it along his tongue, looking back up at Clark with a morbid amusement.

"I..." Clark's mind went blank.

"She did try to kill me, after all. She stole from me, twice; tried to kill me, twice..."

Clark shouldn't feel like he was having trouble breathing. He was Kryptonian. There was no meteor rock around. This should not be so difficult--

"For trying to take my life, her life should now be forfeit, yes?"

"That's not..." Clark whispered. He shook himself, and said angrily, "That's _not--_ "

Lex shot his a quick grin. "--how it works? Oh, but it _is_. Attempted homicide, premeditated -- why, that's a life sentence in Kansas." He took another sip, turned and started to pace away, across the room towards his desk, glancing sideways back at Clark over his shoulder.

Clark was struggling with himself. He wanted to strangle Lex for not understanding, even though Lana was in the wrong, Lex was well within his rights, and he had absolutely no impetus to grant a request of Clark's, desperate or otherwise. "Temporary psychosis--" Clark barely got out.

Lex waved it off. "It hasn't been the first time," he said. "She's established a pattern, and I don't doubt that if given the right... mm, stimuli?... when on the witness stand, she will lose her temper and admit the truth -- that she wants me dead, even now," he smiled to himself, a quick flash of teeth, "and she will say or do absolutely anything to achieve it." He turned back to Clark, all smooth motion, all cruel smirks. "Her pretty face might save her from the chair, but that's a life sentence she's facing. She's going to go to jail for the rest of her life." Lex's smile thinned and widened. "Her life is, effectively, over."

Clark shivered. This couldn't be happening. Lex wasn't... like this... Not like _this_.

"No," Clark said.

"Oh, yes," Lex said. He set the glass on the hard desktop surface with a muted 'clack', then paced right up to Clark. "And what will you do, Clark? How will you convince me?" He stopped right in front of him, seeming to consider the situation. "A life for a life, perhaps?"

Lex paused, with the feel of his next words on his tongue: _Give me my life back._ Because it hadn't been, not really -- not since The Bridge, and all that had followed. He wanted a clean cut. He wanted himself, power over himself, complete-- He wanted it back. All of it. No loose ends. No last trailing sentiments. Nothing left behind.

Clark, on the other hand, didn't pause at all. "My life for hers."

"Done," said Lex, immediately.

Then they both stared at each other, at the deal they had all too abruptly struck.

 _There should have been lightning,_ Lex thought later. _There was never enough lightning and thunder for pronouncements like that._

All they'd really had to punctuate their madness was the weak, blazing light of the setting sun, slowly going out, as red dripped down over the horizon, leaving only the blackest of nights behind.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"You really should think this through more carefully, _Clark_ ," Lex teased, feeling as though he'd been flayed out raw. Clark was trailing behind him in down the hallway, looking for all the world like he was lost. "Did your father teach you nothing? Come hell or highwater, you _don't_ just write a _blank check_ to a _Luthor!_ " Lex grinned. "Do you even know what you just said 'yes' to?"

Clark clenched his jaw and wrapped his arms around his chest. "You meant... taking the fall for her or... something..." At Lex's incredulous look, he cried out, "What?! It seemed like a good idea when I said it!"

"It seemed like a--" Lex started to laugh hysterically. He laughed so hard he had to stop and brace a hand against the wall.

Clark turned bright red.

"I'm sorry; what part of 'your life is now mine' is unclear?"

Clark abruptly came to a stop beside him and reared back like he'd been slapped. "You didn't say _that!_ "

"You interrupted what I was _going_ to say; that's hardly _my_ fault," Lex taunted. It didn't really matter at that point that he'd have been asking for his own back; it was the receipt of a life he'd wanted, and that was the end of the matter.

"I didn't know!"

"So, you're going to go back on your word?" Lex grinned at him evilly. "Then I hope you're prepared to deal with the consequences -- or rather, that she is."

"No. NO!" Clark yelled, clenching his fists. "I-- you promised!"

"Only so long as you keep your end of the deal, Clark," Lex said darkly. "The moment you stop..." he let himself trail off ominously.

Clark gulped, eyes wide. He looked like he got the point.

"I--" He stopped and seemed to steel himself, before saying, "You... promise?"

Lex paused. His eyes narrowed.

Clark took a shallow breath -- as much as he could manage at the moment -- and said, a little more boldly, "If I... give you... my life, you'll... leave her alone?" Clark swallowed, then added, "You won't press charges?"

"And I am asking you, Clark, do you really know what it is you are agreeing to?" Lex replied, straightening. This was no longer a joke.

"I'm protecting Lana," he said, though he sounded almost unsure.

Lex looked at him, long and hard. "Your life. Mine."

Clark nodded, looking nervous.

"To do with, as I please."

Clark suddenly looked ill and _very_ scared.

"Think about it," Lex said, thinking Clark would take the night to sleep on it, the morning to have his friends talk him out of it; thinking that he, himself, would be calmer after the day's end, and be able to laugh it off as something like a joke again. With this all in mind, Lex turned and proceeded to make his way down the hall to--

Clark grabbed his arm. "Okay."

"...What?" Lex said flatly, caught up short, because _clearly_ Clark was not on the same fucking page because he could not _possibly_ have said--

Clark gulped and repeated, "Okay."

Lex stared at him over his shoulder. He turned back to fully face him.

"...You can't be serious."

"You _promised_ ," Clark said quietly, looking scared beyond belief, but his gaze was steady, and he was _not backing down_.

 _Well, fuck me,_ thought Lex.

"You will do what I want." Lex said. He took a step towards Clark. "When I want." Another step, and he was right up in Clark's personal zone. "Whenever I want, however I want." He tilted his head back, dropping his shoulders and straightening to his full height. "You won't say no. _Ever._ " He reached up and captured Clark's chin with his hand. "You will be my _thing_. I will _own_ you. _Do you understand?_ "

"Yes," Clark said hoarsely. He was trembling.

"Last chance to back out," Lex warned quietly. He almost added, _or I will take it out on **both** of you, if you do after this_ ...but he didn't. If he had, Clark would have balked, gotten angry. He would have felt justified in doing so, and rightly so. Lex would have lost the high ground with that single phrase. If he'd only pushed, just a _little_ bit more...

Sometimes he really thinks he should have said it.

"I'm not backing out," Clark whispered.

"Say it," Lex demanded.

"I... I'm... I'm yours." His voice wavered, then more firmly, "I'm yours. My life is yours."

"I own you."

"I..." Clark balked.

"-- _Say it!_ " Lex hissed, pulling his chin down and forcing him to meet his angry, piercing, full attention.

"You..." Clark closed his eyes, unable to bear Lex's gaze boring into his own, but unable to look away.

"You own me," Clark said, lowly, a single tear escaping his eye to drip down his cheek.

He never stopped trembling throughout.

Sometimes he swears that there must have been something in the water, that made the two of them always go head to head in a demented game of chicken like that, neither of them ever able to swerve away.

Crash.

Again.

( _Fuck_.)

And nobody else to pick up the pieces.

~*~*~*~*~*~

 _I am an idiot,_ Clark thought.

 _I am an idiot, and I deserve to be... something'd._ Clark wasn't sure what, but the 'something' couldn't be good.

He'd just given himself to Lex, given himself _up_ to Lex, for Lana.

It really _had_ seemed like a good idea at the time. Only fair. Lana had married Lex to try to protect Clark (crazy, insane -- seriously, _what the hell_ ), but now... it was Clark's turn to sacrifice himself for Lana, and it kind of almost seemed to make sense. More sense than it had looking from the outside in, before having to go through the choice himself, anyway.

Except...

...it was kind of different when Lex didn't know you were doing it, Clark figured.

Lex had a deathgrip on his wrist and was towing him down the hallway.

 _And with my luck,_ Clark figured, _the first stop will be the garage, where Lex will tell me to stand still while he tries to run me over with his car, operative word: 'tries'._

Ok, so maybe he had an out. --He _sort of_ did. He could stop anytime he wanted, actually.

...So long as he didn't care what happened to Lana.

Because she would end up in jail. There was no statute of limitations on attempted murder.

Lex stopped at the end of the hallway and proceeded to drag Clark up a flight of stairs.

_What...?_

Clark had never been upstairs before.

...He had a really bad feeling about this.

Lex dragged him down another hallway, opened a door, and surreptitiously shoved Clark into a room.

Clark glanced around, tense as hell.

...It was an ordinary bedroom.

"Lex...?" Clark said, turning to face him.

His mouth went dry when he got a good look at the wide, insane grin spread across Lex's face. He fought the urge to bolt, and managed to stop himself before he backpedaled more than two steps.

"You're mine now," he said, sounding darkly pleased, and Clark shuddered, reflexively wrapping his arms around himself. He fought the impulse to shudder again when Lex added, "You do what I say."

Clark gulped. "Lex..." he said, or at least he thought he did. He wasn't entirely sure he got the word out.

"You stay here."

And then Lex shut the door.

 _Right,_ Clark thought hysterically, glancing around again as he hugged himself. _And now I'm locked in a bedroom,_ he thought as he heard the mechanism in the doorknob engage.

He stood there and waited.

Nothing happened.

...A lot more nothing happened.

_Okay, maybe this isn't so bad...?_

Because, really, what was the worst that could happen? Clark was an alien being with superpowers. He could just jump out the window if there was a problem and he needed to escape, right?

\--There were bars on the windows. Oh fuck.

Clark took a step away from the window shades and let them fall back into place.

_Okay, but that probably wouldn't work anyway, because Lex would know something was up if I mysteriously vanished by jumping out of a window, which he would know if I left the window open, even if there weren't bars there, because I would have to leave the window open and unlocked to jump out._

_Or if I broke the doorknob getting out. He would also know something was up if I did that._

_...Goddamnit._ \--He couldn't do that inside the house to begin with because there were cameras in the hallways, which had caught footage of Lana breaking into that vault earlier -- Lex had outright _told_ him that earlier that day.

...And X-ray vision showed cameras in the walls of the bedroom -- fuck!

Ok, not _only_ was that creepy as hell, because he didn't like the idea of being surveilled 24-7 -- and Clark tried _really_ hard not to stare at them because he was pretty sure he shouldn't be able to see them if he was human -- but--

...every other room on the floor apparently had cameras installed in them, too.

Including what looked like it must be Lex's bedroom.

...and Clark was staring at the walls and needed to stop now, thank you, before somebody like Lex decided to look at the footage and thought that was weird and caught on!

Clark looked away and stared at the floor. Without X-ray vision. Because that would be a bad idea.

\--Not that anyone _should_ catch on because, what, Clark was weird-ish, sure, but staring at walls wasn't necessarily _totally_ out of the realm of possible for somebody who'd just been told they were owned and shoved in a room like a toybox and --ohgod, Clark was _not going there_.

Clark rubbed his face with his hands and sat down on the bed.

"Oh god, I am letting Lex get to me, and he's not even in the room. It's just a bedroom," Clark told himself.

And then he realized he was now talking out loud to himself.

Clark grabbed a pillow, fell back on the bed, and quietly screamed into it for awhile.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lex came back upstairs after he'd finished with his business for the evening. He'd been somewhat derailed by Lana's episode in the lab earlier that day, and had had some catching up to do, as well as extra paperwork to go over in terms of sorting out the attack and the damage to the lab. Unfortunately, there hadn't been much of salveagable use, with Project Scion gone.

He unocked the door to Clark's room -- no, the room with Clark in it -- opened the door, and paused.

He bit his lip at the sight of the sheets of the bed hanging in a floppy-looking box-shape over the bed, shielding it from view.

 _This is not a four-poster bed,_ he thought hazily, stifling a giggle. He crept forward quietly, and very gently lifted an end of the sheet up on the nearest 'long' side of the bed -- it just seemed to be laying on top of whatever was holding it up, dangling down.

 _Hm, wire coathangers,_ Lex realized as he poked his head in and glanced around the 'inside' of the contraption. It was rather ingenious, actually. Granted the box only held the sheets three feet up, but the hangers themselves, probably from the closet, had been very carefully rebent, and the care of craftsmanship was...

Lex grinned.

Clark was sprawled out across the bed, asleep, no longer fully hidden from sight.

He looked tired.

Lex recognized that kind of tired right away. He looked like the kind of stressed-out tired that people got from fear that wouldn't go away.

Lex flipped the bedsheet flap up over the horizontal crossbar, keeping it up so Lex wouldn't have to hold it -- but not so far that the sheet would cascade down into the middle and destroy the integrity of the 'box' -- leaving it 'open'. He ducked his head under and slid onto the mattress, then pushed himself across until he was up next to Clark.

He looked over Clark, whose face was turned away from him, and ran a hand through his hair.

Clark's eyes immediately shot open.

"Stay still," Lex said, leaving his hand to rest on the top of Clark's head.

"Wh-" Clark blinked uncertainly and frowned, and then seemed to realize where he was.

And about a split-second later he froze in place.

Then he went rigid and the eye Lex could see went wide. It rolled up to look at him.

 _Well, that was fast,_ Lex thought with some interest. _It didn't take Clark long to fully awaken, or remember his situation, at all._

Then Clark seemed to remember how to breathe again.

...He stayed still.

Lex lowered his eyelids and let himself show an amused smirk. He drifted his hand across Clark head, and then slid his fingers into the strands once again.

Clark started shivering again, and then he clenched his jaw and squeezed his eyes shut.

Lex continued to, for lack of a better word, pet him.

Clark didn't say a word, but he was tense as hell and he continued to shake with fine tremors that Lex could feel not just under his hand, but through the damn mattress.

"What are you so afraid of, Clark?" Lex asked, continuing to stroke his hair.

"..."

"Louder, please."

"Don't know," Clark muttered quietly, audible this time, if barely.

Lex smiled. "You don't know what you're afraid of? Or are you afraid of what you don't know?"

Clark completely stilled under his hand.

Lex blinked.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Clark was so shocked he forgot to be scared.

_How...?!_

...And Lex had sounded so gentle when he asked. Mocking, but gentle.

He knew he hadn't meant it, but...

And then Lex leaned down, directly over his ear, and whispered, dark and low, "What if I told you what I was going to do right before I did it? Would that help?"

Clark shuddered, squeezed his eyes shut even harder, and had to bite his lip to keep from screaming.

~*~*~*~*~*~

_...That was not a good reaction._

Lex's mind raced.

He'd really meant to only play a few mind games with Clark -- scare him, then let him go at worst.

This, on the other hand...

This caught his attention in a bad way.

_What does he think I'm going to do?_

...Well, there was an easy way to answer that.

"What do you think I'm going to do to you, Clark?" he murmured, and saw the same sort of expression flash across Clark's face, even worse than before.

 _He's not even trying to fight me,_ Lex realized numbly.

Lex's thoughts shot far out far ahead of him, and he licked his lips as he stroked Clark's head again, and said, lightly, "What if I told you to hurt Lana?"

Clark was upright in a flash, staring him eye-to-eye, Lex's hand caught in a vice grip at the wrist.

"That is _not--!_ " Clark nearly growled at him.

Lex shot Clark a harmless smile and put his free hand up, lightly laying his fingertips over Clark's lips to forestall him. "Just wondering what your reaction might be," he said mildly.

"Well I hope you're happy!" Clark spat back, drawing away.

 _No, not really,_ Lex thought. He was actually rather thoroughly dismayed, and maybe even a little afraid. _He defends anyone else just as he used to, as he's always done, but when it comes to himself..._ Lex took in a breath as he searched Clark's eyes and watched the anger dim. _How could he not defend himself at all? That isn't normal, that's... that's **learned**. That's a learned behavior._

Lex curled a hand around Clark's neck and drew Clark to him, pulled Clark's head down to his chest and lay his own chin atop the boy's head. _...When the hell did this happen?_ Lex though, stroking his fingers through his hair as he looked down at Clark. _Who did this to you? When did it begin? Who taught you to devalue your life so much that..._

 _...or was it really fear?_ No, that couldn't be it -- he'd be lashing out, fighting back if it was an uncontrolled panic. _Not unless he believed it wouldn't do any good..._ Lex ignored the third possibility -- the threat hanging over Lana's head -- because he doubted very much that what was stopping Clark right now was the thought of future consequences to others. Lex knew fear intimately by this point, and this one seemed very... immediate.

"What... What are you doing?" Clark asked uncertainly, glancing back and forth uneasily, but he remained where he was, lying against Lex's chest. He didn't protest any further than that, not that it had been much of a protest to begin with.

"Hush. I've had a vey stressful day, and this is" -- _comfortable -- making me feel better -- what I want to do_ \-- "...helping."

There was a pause, then Clark closed his eyes and said with a touch of hysteria, "Can't you just get yourself a dog or something?"

"No," said Lex.

"I bet a dog would talk back less."

"No. I've got you; I don't need a dog," Lex said firmly, hugging him a little tighter around his neck. Lex closed his eyes as he took a little longer on the hair-strokes.

"Oh, great, just what I always wanted -- to be your _pet_ ," Clark muttered, low and sarcastic.

Lex grinned for a second.

...It was a long second.

"That's not funny, Lex," Clark said cautiously, starting to push himself upright. Lex pulled him back down against his chest.

"Stay put."

Clark made a half-strangled sound of protest.

"I am _not--_ "

"Oh, I don't know, Clark. I think your idea has merit," Lex said smoothly. "You are technically an animal, and I own you. That is somewhat the definition of a pet."

"Or a slave."

Lex's eyes snapped open. It took all of Lex's training not to physically respond any further than that.

"Or a prisoner," Lex said lightly, trying to redirect the thought, because god, he did not want to go there. _Who the hell **would** go there? Clark could not possibly think--_

"Pretty sure prisoners have rights," Clark said quietly. "And don't have to do everything they're told."

Lex felt ill.

He closed his eyes and was very glad that Clark couldn't see his face from his current vantage point.

_Clark thinks that. Of me. Clark thinks that of me._

_...How is Clark is capable of thinking of that **at all?!**_

"Slaves are boring," Lex said, keeping his tone light. "I think I have enough of those." _Please, dear god, let him see that as the horrifically unfunny joke that it is._ "I'd rather have a human pet, I think."

Clark let out a single laugh.

"You think you can't handle that?"

"Depends on what you're expecting, I guess," Clark said nastily with a twisted smile.

 _A verbal bite is better than nothing,_ Lex thought. "Oh, well, maybe I'll train you better," Lex said, going along with the idea. _Not that that's too far off course; I don't like the idea of Clark just rolling over and dying the next time someone threatens him. ...When **did** this start happening?_ Lex wondered again. _It had to have been recently -- when Clark confronted me about the Level 3 'escapees' he gave as good as he got. And before that, when he went down into the tunnels to get me -- save me -- from those two lunatics before the whole underground system collapsed, he didn't do anything stupidly sacrificial at solely his own personal cost -- we worked together equally._

The only real, persisitent change of note that Lex could think of that had happened to Clark in the meantime was an extended period of time spent with Lana on the Kent Farm.

 _...Oh, that **bitch**._ \--Of _course_ Clark would suffer a self-esteem hit, long-term. Lana had left Lex, but she was using Clark as a shield and lying to him as she did so, and it had become even more obvious as of late. She didn't love him. ...She'd probably been making comparisons between live on the farm with Clark and life at the manion with Lex, too; she could hardly not, with the drastic change in standard of living.

 _In many ways, there's no way Clark can compete with what I can, and have, given her._ It was an objective truth. _If Lana's been making any ill-meant comments to that effect..._ and she was a sly one, with a _very_ sharp and subtle verbal knife...

Lex sighed in frustration and just settled on hugging Clark closer to him, forgoing playing with his hair for awhile.

 _That doesn't really explain his fear, though,_ Lex knew.

_Great. ...So what does he think being my slave would entail? What could he think I might ask -- tell -- him to do, with him having no choice in the matter...?_

Lex thought over all of the recent projects he was working on, or had worked on, that had involved questionable prior subject assent that he knew Clark knew about... or that Clark thought he knew about...

...a few things like SynTechnics and Victor Stone, the Freak Tagging debacle and Tobias Rice, the Belle Reeve control experiment with Moira Sullivan...

...Lex stopped thinking about that. That was disturbing. --He decided to think about how he could prod Clark back into having some semblance of self-worth again, instead.

 _...Oh. Ah. **That** might work..._ He'd have to do a little research, though. He didn't know very much about it.

He thought for a bit.

"I've never had a pet before," Lex said finally, making sure he sounded properly contemplative. "It's settled -- you'll be my pet." _And no more thoughts of slavery,_ Lex thought firmly. He didn't want Clark _scared_ of him, that was just... ugh.

"No collars," Clark muttered.

"Yes, collars," Lex countermanded. "Well, _a_ collar, anyway. I ought to get to have _something_ declaring outright ownership. I wouldn't want to run the risk of you haring off and getting lost," he teased. Then he paused. "Something... tasteful."

"...Huh?" Clark craned his neck at an odd angle, trying to look up at Lex. "What? --No!"

"Yes," said Lex.

"No!" said Clark. "People don't wear collars!"

"Some people do," Lex said mildly, petting his head again to gently push it back down.

Clark pushed back and frowned up at him. (That was encouraging.) "They do not!" he said hotly.

"Do so."

"Yeah right! What are they made of, then?"

"Usually a metal like silver or bronze-gold, almost like a necklace -- or a leather choker, I think," Lex said, after dredging the dregs of remembrance in the back of his mind. His memories of those clubs were a bit murky -- a friend of a friend supplying the name and place, lots of drinking, just a stop along the way... he hadn't really been paying much attention at the time. Now he almost wished he had.

Clark made a disgusted noise. "I'd rather wear a _dog_ collar," he said as a refusal.

"Fine," Lex said.

Clark looked a little blank for a moment. Then they glared at each other for a bit.

"Don't think I won't do it," Lex said.

"I don't think you've got the _guts_ to do something like that to me," Clark challenged. "Unless you're planning on making me an 'indoor pet'," he said, with a glint in his eye.

 _Well, at least he's being more assertive and feeling comfortable doing so,_ Lex mentally sighed. _But--_ "Why would _I_ be embarrassed? _You'll_ be the one wearing the collar," Lex said, frowning.

"A stupid cheap dog collar. People will think you don't now how to dress me," he grinned evilly.

And then Clark's grin froze and waned as Lex's grin waxed on full.

"Wait, no--"

"Oh _yes_ " Lex practically purred. _Dress-up Clark. **Properly.** Oh, this will be **fun**._ "--First order of business: I am _burning_ your wardrobe."

"No--"

"Burning. All the flannel. _Burning_ ," Lex said with a maniacal grin. "No more flannel," he said happily.

"No no no! I am not walking around in just t-shirts and jeans--"

"Burning those too."

"What?! --No! What the hell will I wear?!" Clark objected, _strongly_. "I can't afford--!"

"Pet," Lex said, poking him in the chest sharply. "Owner," he said pointing to himself. "Pet owner buys the pet clothes."

"What-- no-- that's-- ohgodwillyou _please_ stop grinning like that?" Clark practically begged.

"Can't. Too happy about the burning, the glorious burning!" Lex said happily, patting Clark on the head.

Clark groaned and hid his face in his hands.

"What the hell am I going to tell Lana?"

"Hm?" Lex said innocently.

"What? I-- Wardrobe--" Clark's face suddenly fell as he finally caught Lex's meaning.

" 'Indoor pet' generally means being kept indoors at the owner's residence, Clark," Lex said slowly. _Because I'll be damned if I let her keep grinding you under just because you're there to take things out on when she's feeling frustrated because she's having difficulty getting to me._ She fucking **ought** to be keeping it between the two of them, not bringing anyone else into the crossfire.

Clark... twitched.

"I... I have to stay _indoors?_ " Clark twitched. " _Here?_ " Clark twitched again.

Lex was feeling a little disturbed at all the twitching. He started stroking Clark's hair again. "You come with me when I say so and stay where I tell you to." _I can't very well keep an eye on you and you away from Lana if--_ speaking of which-- "And no conversing with Lana." _Because the last thing you need is her wailing on you for agreeing to be my 'pet' in a deal to try to protect her from jailtime._ Clark didn't seem completely turned off to the concept, for whatever reason -- possibly it being far too foreign an idea for his farmboy experience to properly parse -- but most people would find the idea despicable.

Lex didn't want Clark getting put down or berated for it while it was ongoing -- that would be counterproductive to ego-building.

_Because really, this ought to be a good way to show that an innate sense of trust is possible, and not a stupid or potentially-damaging feeling to let onesself experience, even -- no, especially -- when the 'pet' has no real control over anything, and the 'owner' is making all of the decisions._

It was really simplicity itself. Clark would argue, Lex would argue back without ignoring or overriding him unnecessarily. (Lex would prod him into arguing if necessary.) Clark would see through actions that it was safe to disagree ...even with someone he appparently considered as untrustworthy as he believed Lex to be, nowadays.

...Not that Lex particularly enjoyed arguing with Clark -- or at least, not the outright yelling matches. Bickering was ok; joking and teasing and wordplay were fine. Sort of what they'd used to do.

Yes. Lex would be perfectly happy if they got back to doing what they'd _used_ to do, all those years ago.

Lex's thoughts were pulled away from this train of thought, though, when Clark grumbled out, "I'd rather be an 'outdoor pet' and sleep in a doghouse than be stuck indoors--" then blinked and burst out angrily: "Wait -- what the hell do you mean, no conversing with Lana?!"

"No -- you are not sleeping outside," Lex said flatly. _I absolutely refuse to treat you like an animal. Or worse than I'd treat an **actual** pet._ "And as for Lana, I mean just that -- no talking, email, phoning, texting, nothing. If she tries to communicate, you don't say or do anything -- not even some kind of gesturing -- you walk away from her and come to me."

"You can't be serious."

"I am absolutely serious, Clark," Lex said darkly. "She gets her life; I get yours. That's the deal. _She_ does _not_ get yours. That is _not_ part of the deal," Lex ended. "Now -- come on," Lex said, pulling away and tugging at Clark's arm.

"What?"

"Come with me," Lex insisted.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Clark unhappily let Lex drag him around the mansion. They ended up in what looked like Lex's bedroom.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lex pulled Clark into his bedroom and shoved him towards the foot of the bed.

When Clark stopped in place after only one step, Lex's eyes narrowed. _He's been **letting** me drag him around,_ Lex realized. He wasn't entirely sure why he was unhappy with the thought.

Lex shook it off. "Down," Lex said, shoving him backwards in the chest and walking him until he sat down onto the mattress at the foot of the bed.

"Lex, what--" Clark frowned up at him.

"Stay put," Lex ordered.

And then he turned and walked over to the bedroom door. He locked it, pocketed the key, and then headed into the bathroom to take a shower.

When he came back out, the curtains for his four-poster bed were down. Upon pulling one aside, he was greeted with the sight of one Clark Kent, lying out on his bed with his head on one of the pillows. On his side of the bed.

"Move," Lex said.

"Excuse me?" Clark said, turning his head to stare at him.

"You heard me," Lex said.

"I am _not_ sleeping at the foot of the bed!" Clark protested.

...This of course devolved into to a shoving-poking match, which ended with Clark eventually rolling his eyes and giving a grumbling acquiescence as he shifted down to the foot of the bed, staring at the ceiling, pillowing his head with his arms with his legs dangling off the edge of the bed at his knees.

Lex had to curl his feet up a little so he wasn't poking them into Clark's side, as he situated himself under the covers. It was a little uncomfortable.

Lex checked his alarm and turned off the bedside lamp.

Yes, definitely uncomfortable.

And then Clark started quietly humming tunelessly to nothing in particular.

 _Goddamn it,_ Lex thought peevishly. _I've got a randomly-humming Clark at the foot of my bed, when I **don't** like falling asleep with other people next to me or nearby_ \-- that one hooker being killed next to him in that hotel room after he'd been drugged had pretty much clinched it for him -- _and it's probably even worse that it's an awake **Clark** because he probably feels like he's got plenty of reasons to fuck with me while I'm unconscious at this point and what the hell was I thinking when I thought this was a good idea?_ he berated himself. _I'm wearing a good three pieces of clothing more than the **nothing** I usually do to not offend certain people's sensibilities about nakedness, and I can't even stretch out my legs!_

 _I'm going to have to think of a way out of this hole Clark-in-the-same-bed nonsense without losing face,_ he thought grimly, _because there is **no** fucking way that I'm going to... be **able** to... fall... asl--_

~*~*~*~*~*~

Clark slowly stopped humming as he realized Lex was falling asleep. _Weird,_ he thought. _I was **trying** to be annoying until he stuffed a pillow over his head and told me to go sleep in another room._ Everybody _else_ always complained that he couldn't sing worth a damn and sounded annoying as hell when he tried to carry a tune. ...Maybe it didn't work on Lex?

He waited until Lex's breathing evened out completely, and his heartbeat slowed to a regular slow rhythm, before he quietly pushed himself up on his elbows.

He squinted.

_Yup, he's asleep, all right._

Clark lie still and considered his options.

He could go home... but it'd be practically impossible not to talk to Lana if he did that, and Lex would know that. Even if Clark _did_ manage to keep silent, Lex would never believe it -- which meant the promise would be broken, and Lana would end up in jail, without Clark having been able to hold out for even twenty-four hours.

He could go... to the Talon apartment and crash there -- Chloe would let him; she wouldn't turn him away if he said he couldn't sleep at the farm. ...Of course, it would all crash and burn the next morning, when Lex would inevitably seek him outwitha collar and probably also a _leash_.

...Clark also didn't really like the thought of the laughter and derision that Lois would send his way as Lex dragged him off like a stupid little lost puppy. He could practically hear her making nasty 'Clarky' jokes already.

Running away any further than the town would raise questions as how he'd gotten where he absconded himself off to in the first place.

 _Ugh, ok, so -- probably stuck here for awhile,_ he decided.

He sighed softly, and glanced back over at Lex again.

...Honestly, he had half a feeling that Lex was just doing this to mess with him, almost. Unfortunately, he couldn't risk outright calling Lex's bluff -- if it _was_ a bluff, because he'd looked a little _too_ invested in the idea of burning all his clothing, among some of the other things...

Ok, fine. Whatever. Lex really seemed invested in the whole 'pet' notion, though, and Clark was happy to stay there, because he really doubted he'd like being used as a guinea pig, or being sent to Belle Reeve, or given shock therapy or something to 'cure' him of all the lying he'd been doing that he was pretty sure Lex knew about but had never called him on before.

...Frankly, he'd been surprised that Lex hadn't just started trying to demand secrets from him left and right, and had everything go downhill from there. It wasn't like Lex didn't have all those memory projects to get at people's secrets, or hypnotize and mindcontrol them, or force them to tell the truth, and whatnot.

Well, whatever. He wasn't about to say anything and maybe give Lex ideas.

He eyed Lex, and the empty pillow and bedspace next to him. Lex hadn't been all that quick on the uptake on 'obedience', either.

 _And he's never had a pet,_ Clark snickered to himself. _Well, fine,_ he thought, grinning evilly at the new thought or twelve. _He wants a pet? He can learn first-hand exactly how "well" a pet follows commands._

And so, Clark crept up the side of the bed and fell asleep like a normal person would.

_Either I wake up before he does, and he never finds out -- because his cameras can't see shit past the curtains -- or he does and, well, win-win._

Clark slid his arms under his head and fell asleep with a smile on his face.

_Because maybe, just maybe, this might be a little bit..._

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lex woke up blearily to the sound of his beeping alarm, and a world of darkness.

Lex grumbled at having obviously set it wrong, and groped around a bit, before he realized that the bedcurtain was in the way.

...which was stupid and useless and how the hell had that happened, he had no idea, he liked waking to sunlight, as he finally slapped the alarm off and slapped at the curtain to shove it aside and slipped his feet over the edge, to stand upright and walk forward--

\--he faceplanted into a big soft thing.

The big soft thing was white and a pillow.

_What the fuck--?_

He heard _chewing_ sounds behind him.

Lex unsprawled himself from the floor and got himself levered up on an elbow as he turned to see what was behind him...

...Clark, with his legs all sprawled out -- _oh, **that's** what I tripped over_ , he realized abstractly -- with one elbow propping him up. Lex watched as Clark shoved his free hand into --a bag of Pocky. Clark was munching on a bag of Pocky.

...There were a _lot_ of empty bags of Pocky.

"Those are mine," Lex accused, and how the hell had Clark found his secret stash anyway?

He surreptitiously glanced towards the vent and -- the cover was off -- yes, damnit, those were from his secret stash! Damnit!

"I was hungry," said Clark.

Lex blinked at him, because _that_ wasn't a good reason _at all_ \--

"You didn't feed me," Clark continued, all innocence. "I had to fend for myself."

"You can feed yourself!" Lex said, getting up off the floor.

"I am," Clark said.

"You--"

"Door was locked," Clark said. He tilted his head and added, "You know, I'm pretty sure that feeding a pet is supposed to take higher priority than clothing one." He smiled mischeviously, then added condescendingly, "You really aren't very good at this, are you?"

Lex's mind went blank for a moment, before he remembered all the 'pet' nonsense and the promise-deal from the previous day.

Lex bent down and nearly -- nearly -- told Clark to get the fuck out and never bother him again. (And to pay him back for the Pocky, damnit.)

But that damn smile Clark had on was so goddamn cocky it _burned_ and that just made Lex feel contrary as hell, though only more so than his complete and utter annoyance with the farmboy at present.

Lex grabbed the Pocky away from Clark and strode into the bathroom, back rigid.

It was only until Lex was halfway through his shower that he realized that it was probably a good idea he hadn't had his coffee yet before this had happened, because he would've thought of the idea of forcing Clark to strip naked on the spot and make him walk around the mansion like that -- and have to eat breakfast _first_ \-- before working out new clothing for him _far earlier_ when he'd been so irate that he might've actually done it.

It was only _after_ his shower that he realized that the moisture from said shower had turned the contents of the half-eaten-through bag of Pocky into a soggy inedible mess.

He cursed for a good five minutes straight before he let himself walk back out into the bedroom, because that little annoyance had left him sorely tempted with doing the whole forcing-Clark-to-go-around-naked thing again, and doing that would be mean and bad and he really, really knew he shouldn't.

~*~*~*~*~*~

 _Drat,_ thought Clark as he watched Lex wordlessly snatch the stolen Pocky back and stomp into the bathroom in a total snit. _I almost thought I had him there..._

He patted himself on the back for the Pocky thing, and he'd even managed to trip up Lex, too. ...Good thing he'd had the pillow handy, though -- that had almost been a disaster.

(Clark 2, Lex 0.)

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lex double-marched Clark down the hallway to the kitchen in his previous day's clothing -- flannel and jeans. (It looked as though Clark had never gotten undressed the night before.)

While Clark was distracted by breakfast foods (and his staff mostly distracted and surprised by Clark's presence), he managed to give one of his less-distracted staff members a list of things to order post-haste, and stock in the walk-in closet in the 'guest'-bedroom attached to his own.

That way, the goods arrived and were stowed in said closet before Lex dragged Clark back to his rooms, through the connecting door to the guest bedroom, and pretty much kicked him into the shower.

This meant that when Clark finally ventured out of the shower, swathed in towels -- not having heard anyone else enter the room -- and _then_ when he saw Lex start rummaging through the guest closet for clothing and shoes for him -- that was chock full of all sorts of various sizes and shapes and shades and colors and types of seeming-randomness -- and pull out a set (the set he'd ordered that morning, not that Clark knew that) that fit him _perfectly_...

Well, Lex was glad he had cameras in the rooms. He was blowing that one up and framing it.

(Lex 1, Clark 2.)

And then, once Clark was suitably attired (finally! hah!), Lex gathered up Clark's belongings from the previous day's wearing and proceeded to make good on his threat out on the back patio...

(Lex 2, Clark 2.)

...and then he got sprayed with fire retardant foam by an overenthusiastic Cook, who was then overenthusiastically apologetic as she stammeringly tried to explain how she'd been trying to enforce the no-smoking policy in a way that would prevent repeat offenders, and she hadn't realized that it had been _him_ burning _clothing_ out there right by the windows, but could he _please_ not do that by the house like that because it set a bad example for the others...

...all while Clark howled with laughter from the safety of a lawn chair which had been well out of the way of all the foam...

(Lex 2, Clark 3.)

...which had then led to an irate Lex kindly asking Cook if he could please borrow that fire extinguisher for _just a second_ because he thought she might've _missed a spot_ from that angle...

...and when all was said and done he and Clark had both needed showers again and new sets of clothing, and his groundskeeping staff were all very relieved to hear from the Cook that the stuff was biodegradable and would wash away perfectly fine in the next rain.

(Lex 3, Clark 4.)

~*~*~*~*~*~

Clark decided -- no, promised himself, yeah _promised_ \-- that he was _definitely_ going to have to play 'bad dog' at some point and go find that fire extinguisher to mess around with, somehow 'coincidently' _very_ 'nearby' Lex, as he grinned into the shower mirror and toweled his hair dry for the second time that day.

He was totally anoyed by the fact that apparently Lex had more than one set of clothes that fit him in that magic closet of his. They even -- dear god -- _matched._ That was _totally_ not cool.

(Lex 4, Clark 4.)

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lex circled Clark, who he'd directed to stand out in the middle of the room.

...And then Lex tapped a finger against his lips thoughtfully and said, "Hmm... I feel like I'm forgetting something... --Oh yes!!"

And out of his pocket he pulled a cloth-belt-buckle-type dog collar -- human-sized -- and held it up in front of Clark's face.

Clark stared at it. "You--"

Lex got a _very_ wide grin, and he said brightly, "Hold still!"

Clark hunched his shoulders and _glared_.

Lex got it on him. Eventually.

...there may or may not have been a lot of sneaking, a chocolate cake, and some weird medieval bolas thing involved.

(Lex 5, Clark 4.)

~*~*~*~*~*~

And thus, the war of attrition began.

~*~*~*~*~*~


	2. Lois Gets In On The Bromance Shipping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: ...Clark Is Actually Pretty Ok With This, Thanks  
> Author: [josephina_x](http://josephina-x.livejournal.com)  
> Fandom: Smallville  
> Pairing: Clark, Lex  
> Rating: R (because it sort of has vague references to themes of BDSM *shrug*)  
> Spoilers: References season 6 and previous, general spoilers for early season 7 and all prior. Diverges at the end of Wrath (7x07) when Clark goes to talk to Lex.  
> Word count: 20,000+  
> Summary: What if Lex decided to be a little more... evil... at the end of Wrath? What if he decided to punish Clark, for Lana's transgression? ...What if Clark _agreed_ to sacrifice himself for her sake? Would Clark break? Or would he... bend?
> 
> ...Hey, that would be a _totally crazy fic_ , am I right? --Unfortunately, this is not that. (Oops.) _Here_ , Lex kind of goes the other route. You know, the whole brotherly-love one.
> 
> So, instead, you get Lex being pissed about Lana treating Clark like her own personal bitch, Clark's "sacrifice" isn't so much of one, and everybody else is left standing around scratching their heads while Lana ends up doing screechy-harpy things which we don't have to hear too much about -- you're welcome. (Chloe does, though. Feel sorry for Chloe, and send her emergency chocolate cake, stat.)  
> Warnings: Un-beta'd. An ungodly amount of Lois POV. A little character-bashing (screechy!Lana).  
> Disclaimer: Not mine, not-for-profit.  
> Comments: Yes, please! :)  
> Author's Note: At this stage, Lex is still totally uninitiated in the fine arts of BDSM, especially the dominant-submissive... stuff.
> 
> Also, I was kind of all over the place for awhile with possible story threads/forks, until canon decided to kick me in the head. (*ow* for damn headshots) But I at least know how this one's gonna _end_ , now. --I'm not sure if my canon-fu is going to work out when I get there, but I'm sure gonna try! :)
> 
> Lois' explanations are more or less my own understanding of things, a la reading other fics, a couple wikipedia pages on all that 'safe, sane, and consensual' stuff ^_^ ...and one CSI episode. *facepalm* I'm definitely going to be playing fast-and-loose with the idea of 'pet'itude due to lack of knowledge and for the purpose of Necessary Sacrifices upon the Altar Of Plot. If I'm wrong about anything, I apologize -- no offense is intended. I'll be happy to put corrections in author's notes at the bottom of the fic to clarify if and/or where I'm wrong or very far off base on anything, if anyone would like to let me know.
> 
> ...Whew, wow, ok, and just a quick heads up: this installment ended up a _lot_ more SRS BSNS than I originally intended. (And so will the next one, for a bit.) I swear that it's kinda necesary for the boys and girls for the sake of future, more happy-fun-time shenanigans, though, or things would've fallen through at a later date in a _very_ bad way. ...But sometimes you gotta break down before you build up, y'know. *shakes fist at plot*

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lois was walking out through the main area of the Talon, in a hurry to leave for work, checking her watch as she stomped double-time past the various tables in stiletto heels and dodged servers left, then left, then right again.

Then something registered out of the corner of her eye, and she came to a screeching halt.

She turned and clomped back the table and a half and slid in to sit across the booth from one Smallville farmboy, who was looking neither farmboy-ish nor very Smallvillian at the moment.

She planted her elbows on the table, propped her hands up on her fists, and stared for awhile with a small smile at said farmboy.

Clark Kent looked up at her, a little suspiciously, _very_ much the picture of annoyance, and said, "You're gonna be late for work."

"I think I can spend five minutes here talking with you."

Clark frowned at her.

Lois smiled and said, "Aren't you going to even say hello?"

Clark sighed across the table at her and said tiredly, "Hi, Lois."

Lois grinned.

"So, what's all this, Smallville?" she said waving a hand at him. "The way you're decked out, maybe I should be calling you 'Metropolis', instead, and--" Her eyebrows went up as Clark shifted, sitting back, and dropped the arm he'd been using to prop up his chin, so she got a good look at his neck. "Is that a _collar?_ "

Clark sighed again, but this time added a bemused but long-suffering, wincing smile as he rolled his eyes at the ceiling.

"It's not my fault that Cook's chocolate cake tastes so great!" he complained. "I got totally distracted."

Lois blinked at him. "You... got distracted..."

"Stupid Lex and his medieval weapons," Clark muttered, crossing his arms and slouching in his designer slacks and button-down shirt.

"...Uh, yeah, Smallville, that'll get you every time," Lois said uncertainly, wondering what the hell-- wait, Lex? Lex Luthor? What??

Clark gave her a _look_. "I'd just never seen one before," he said. "If he tries that again, I'll be able to wiggle my legs out of it real quick next time. There's a trick to it," he said, conspiratorilly, leaning forward a bit over the table towards her.

"Um." Lois leaned in a little, dropping one fist. "There's gonna be a next time?"

Clark gave her a 'well, duh!' look. "It's not like I'm gonna keep it on when I shower, so I figure I'll just accidentally 'forget' to put it back on after, and--" Clark glanced up and stopped talking.

"Too late -- I heard that," said Lex, standing there with a cup of coffee in one hand and a muffin in the other.

Lois nearly squeaked as Clark shifted over a little -- automatically -- and Lex dropped down next to him.

"Ok, seriously though," Lois interjected before the two of them started really going at it, with the way they were eyeing each other. "What's with the collar?" She laughed. "Does he, like, own you now, or something?" she teased.

When Lex raised an eyebrow and Clark blushed slightly, Lois' mouth dropped. "Wait -- seriously?" and oh god, this was doing bad things to her brain.

Clark huffed out a breath and said, "It's kind of more like a dare..."

Lex blinked, then turned slightly to look at Clark sideways. He raised both eyebrows slowly as Clark looked away and started to blush a little pink again.

"What? It kind of is," Clark mumbled.

"...This is true," Lex said mildly, pulling off a chunk of his muffin and popping it into his mouth.

"Ok, so what's the dare?" Lois said, because she got BDSM, and she got stupid guy dares, but _these two_ trying to mix them together? Without a half ton of explosives and a shoehorn? Did she miss that day at sex college? Because she totally would've attended that class if she'd known about it.

Lex gave her a long look, then said, "Off the record?"

"Pssh, please. I'm not a _society_ reporter," she said with derision. "Unless this is some kind of weird LuthorCorp meteor-rock project-gone-wrong Chloe's-area-of-expertise thing and you both got hosed--" She shut up at the twin blank looks. "Uh. Right then, not a 'record' thing! --Proceed?" And she put on her best 'listening' look.

Lex gave what almost looked like a sigh, then said, "The 'dare' is: Clark does what I say, and Lana doesn't get jailed for trying to kill me yesterday."

Clark eyed Lex and his muffin sideways.

Lois was too shocked by the first to really pay too much attention to Clark right then.

"Lana-- wait, what??" Lois said, shaking her head. She wasn't sure if she ws more startled by what Luthor had said, or by how completely casual he was being about it. "You're kidding."

"No, I'm really not." Lex said with a smile. "I'd appreciate it if you kept that to yourself, by the way," he said, his smile turning a little more shark-like.

"Like I'd believe that," Lois blew him off.

"Little know fact: all my ex-wives try to kill me," Lex said, like he was amused.

"Yeah, you'd think maybe you'd stop doing that once you picked up on the pattern," Clark poked at him, sounding worn out.

"Maybe I thought the third time was the charm," Lex said mildly, reaching out for his muffin while looking at Clark.

Clark winced at the oblique Lana reference.

Lex's hand closed around empty air.

Lex looked a little blank all of a sudden, as he turned his head to look down at the empty muffin cup sitting on the table in front of him.

He started to look up at Clark, when Clark said suddenly, all outrage, "Lois! Geez, it's bad enough when you steal _my_ muffins!" at which point Lex's head swiveled towards _her_ instead and she got the death glare of her _life_. She felt her eyes go wide and she leaned back a little away from him.

Lois' mouth dropped open, because -- fuck -- the whole reason Clark hadn't said anything earlier was because he had been too busy sneaking Lex's muffin out from under him and then stuffing it in his mouth and chewing and swallowing it down in record time.

Lex took in a breath and started to open his mouth to say god-knew-what... and then he paused, blinked at her...

\--and then rounded on Clark, declaring hotly, "I fed you this morning!"

"I'm still hungry," Clark said, shrugging.

"I don't care!" Lex told him. "Don't steal my muffins!"

...It should be illegal for someone to look that completely innocent and totally mischevious at the same time.

But, more importantly, "When the hell did you learn how to lie like that?' Lois asked Clark, because fuck if that hadn't taken some mad skill -- she'd seen Clark steal that muffin and down it right in front of her, and she'd _still_ been doubting herself! She wasn't sure whether she was more in awe at the brazen outrageousness of it all, or pissed at him for nearly getting her head bitten off by Luthor for something she didn't do.

"What the hell are you talking about, Lane?" Luthor said, glancing back at her with a frown. "Clark's a horrible liar."

Lois opened her mouth to say something... then closed it again, thinking the better of it.

"--hrk--!" said Luthor, through a closed mouthful of coffee that he barely managed to swallow.

Clark smiled.

"Oh man," he said, looking at his fingers. "Must be a new girl on staff today."

"Can't believe they got my order wrong," Lex got out through a clenched jaw, grimacing and suppressing a cough.

"Yeah, everybody knows not to give you the really strong bitter stuff when you ask for it."

Lex looked blank, then turned to Clark, and, wow, was that his poker face, or was that actually his 'what the fuck?' look instead? --Because if that was the second one, Lois had been giving the man waaaaay too much credit.

"It's just a misfilled order," Lex said.

Clark smiled.

"I drink this coffee at home," Lex said darkly.

"Cook fills the supply orders," Clark said.

Lex's eyes started to narrow.

"It's just a label. Reeeeeally easy to change."

Lex glared at him.

"They stock it at the store down the street," Lex said in a patient tone. "I've gotten it for myself before for the coffeemaker at work."

"Which is where Cook buys it from," Clark said, " 'cause you tell her you want things bought local when you can. And you're kinda noticeable, and it's really easy to see you coming, and they put the labels on things when they give them to you, and for the big orders they fill it out of stuff in the back, right?"

Lex went expressionless.

Then Clark went in for the killing blow. "I mean, why wouldn't a grocer who Cook does business with not want to do her a favor to keep her employer happy? And it's not like anbody can really read all those labels on the jars really well from across the counter, anyway. _They_ wouldn't even _need_ to switch the labels--"

"It's. Just. A. Misfilled. Order." Lex repeatedly slowly, glaring bloody murder.

Clark, totally zen, then said: "Well, ok, then you should just be able to go up there and ask somebody different and they'll fill it the way you want it, right?"

Wow. Even Lois could hear the almost-trap there. Clark was _totally_ up to something.

Lex glared at him for awhile, then got up slowly -- not taking his eyes off of him -- and walked back up to the counter.

Clark snickered quietly.

"Wow, Smallville, you weren't kidding about the dares," Lois breathed out.

Clark grinned at her.

"So, seriously though, what--"

"Shh, he's coming back," Clark said.

They waited until he had walked back over, and stood in front of the table.

He glared at them both.

He raised the coffee and took a decent quaff of it, looking smug.

...The smug look didn't last.

In fact, if Lois had to make a guess, as Luthor tried very hard not to spray the mouthful across the width of the table, that was probably him trying out his look of utter horror and disbelief.

He barely managed to swallow it down, then stared at the coffee cup for awhile.

Then he slowly put the coffee cup down on the edge of the table -- carefully, like you'd do if you suddenly realized that you were holding a bomb.

He looked up at Clark.

"You know, it could be a third thing." Clark paused. "Like, maybe I, say... pulled a fast one on you?"

"Don't be ridiculous, you haven't talked to any of the servers since we've been here," Lex blew him off. "If you did I can't see how."

And then he paused as his own words sank in.

Clark grinned.

Lex closed his eyes, composed himself, took one step back, and then opened his eyes and looked directly at Clark with a piercing gaze.

He held up an arm and pointed at the coffee counter. "Get up there and get me my coffee," he demanded peevishly.

Clark grinned. But he got.

Lois eyed Lex as he sat down on the other side of the booth to wait for Clark to get back.

She watched as Lex pulled the 'bad coffee' to him, and popped off the lid. He stared down into it for awhile, then grimaced again, managed to put the lid back on in such a way as to communicate his thorough disgust with the contents -- how the hell he did that exactly, Lois wasn't quite sure; she tried it herself in the mirror afterwards and everything and couldn't pull it off before Chloe came in and asked her what she was doing -- and then he pushed it off to the side with the other abandoned cup.

Only then did he look back up at her.

"What? I know he's lying," Lex frowned at her, "I just don't know where the lie is, exactly," he ended on a quieter and more frustrated note.

About that point was when Clark came back over with coffee and another chocolate muffin.

Lois figured that this was why Lex got the big bucks -- he checked to make sure the coffee was drinkable _before_ he stole Clark's muffin and started shoving him towards the big armchairs, declaring that he was relocating them to someplace where he could put his food and beverage where Clark wasn't liable to reach over and _steal_ them from him.

Lois decided that this was probably a good time to get some food herself, glancing at her watch. If she was going to stay any longer, she'd need to spend her breakfast time eating here at the same time she was watching their antics or have to go without.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Ok, so what's the deal with the coffee?" she asked one of the servers at the bar that she knew.

Jodie blushed at her. "Ok, you know how when we were working here, they told us that the recipe for the 'triple punch' was--"

"--Yeah, so?"

Jodie bit her lip. "Ummmmm..."

Lois blinked at her. "They changed the recipe?"

"Nooooo... not, _exactly_ ," Jodie said, twisting her towel.

Lois blinked at her, then leaned over the counter a little. "We got the recipe wrong?" she asked in a low undertone.

Jodie blushed a little deeper. "It wasn't just us! _Everybody_ did!" she said frantically. "We had a guy come in yesterday, order one, and complain! He ended up giving us the explicit order, and we looked it up after, and he was totally right!"

Lois' mouth dropped. "So-- wait, did he?" she asked, glancing back at Luthor.

"Yeah, he's the only one who ever orders it," Jodie whispered. "I feel so bad; we've been doing it wrong all this time!" she said.

Lois blinked at her. "Uh... don't you think he would've complained?"

Jodie gave her a sad look. "You didn't usually take the morning shifts when everybody's in a rush. We always give him the new girls, especially when they're having a bad day. He never yells, or complains, or asks them to take it back, or anything. He always smiles, even when it's the wrong order."

"How do you know it's the wrong order?" Lois asked, taking her drink as it was passed to her.

"Uh, he never orders anything with whipped cream."

Lois had to stifle a laugh at that mental image. "Wow."

"Yeah."

"Huh," said Lois, frowning. That didn't exactly mesh up with the guy who had fucked over Wes and turned him into a living weapon system. She turned to look at Luthor. He was sitting in one of the huge armchairs in a circle of four with Clark sitting on the floor at his feet on the 'inside' of the circle. He had his coffee cup and his muffin on a sidetable on the outside rim, well out of Clark's reach.

"Well, protip -- apparently he likes the 'nonstandard' way of making it,' Lois said as she handed over her credit card to pay.

"Oh," Jodie said, then, "-- _oh!!!_ " in sudden enlightenment. "So _that's_ why Clark asked for the 'old' version, and why Mrs. Millie wanted to know how we made it!"

Lois turned and blinked at her. "Mrs. Millie?"

"The cook up at the castle," Jodie said. "It was... wow, a couple of years ago, now. She came down here asking if we could show her how he liked his coffee, because she said his old cook had apparently known, but she didn't seem to be quite getting the trick of it."

Lois looked at her, then started to grin, and they both quietly laughed.

"Oh man," Lois said, biting her lip to try and stop grinning like a loon, because, honestly, that had to be the worst practical joke ever. How had Clark known?

"Hey," Lois said as an afterthought. "What kind of muffin did Clark buy?"

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lois walked back over and said, "Hey, Smallville, catch!" before tossing him the chocolate muffin.

Clark caught it, then looked at it, and then her, with a little suspicion.

Lois smiled. She was curious, Clark wasn't a dummy, and this _was_ kind of a test.

\--Though not for him.

Lex glanced down and grabbed it away almost immediately.

"Don't go feeding my pet random muffins," he said briskly, leaning forward and setting the muffin down on the low coffee table in front of her as she sat down directly across from him.

 _...Pet?_ Lois thought, as Clark outright pouted up at Lex. _So, wait -- he **does** know what he's doing?_

"Stop that!" Lex scolded, looking a little put out. "You can't possibly still be hungry."

"You're having coffee and muffins that you could have had at home," Lois pointed out.

Lex turned to stare at her. "That was morning coffee; this is work coffee," he said, like that explained anything.

"And the muffins?"

"I don't have to explain my eating habits to you."

"Geez, I was just asking," Lois backed off.

But then she watched as Clark gave Lex sighing looks, and Lex almost absently handed over his own muffin to Clark. "So what did they say at the counter?" Lex asked as he did so.

Lois smirked evilly. "That they were doing it wrong."

Lois wished she'd had a camera -- the _look_ that Lex got when he realized that she hadn't actually _told_ him anything was _unreal_.

Clark perked up for all of two seconds over finally getting the muffin... then looked a little guilty. "Um, you want to split it?" he asked Lex, holding it up to him.

Lex blinked. "I thought you were hungry," he said as he took it back.

"Yeah, but I already had one and you haven't."

Lex's eyes narrowed.

 _Whoops!_ thought Lois. _Gotcha._

"I steal Lois' muffins sometimes," Clark added for plausible deniability, and Lois rolled her eyes -- close save -- as she picked up her own muffin. "She doesn't usually eat two," he said, as Lois was on her first bite, "because she's watching her girlish figure."

Lois nearly choked on her mouthful of muffin.

"I--" She felt a little unreasonably panicky, and nearly coughed and needed a sip of coffee to get it down. "Um--"

"You look fine; a second muffin wouldn't kill you. Clark -- that's a horrible thing to say to a girl," Lex frowned down at him, and then proceeded to futz up the top of Clark's hair in a not-very-friendly way.

"--But she's not a _girl_ , she's _Lois!_ " Clark complained, putting up his arms and defending his head.

"I thought you didn't like reporters," Lois said, eyeing the two of them and cataloging their behavior.

Lex glanced up at her, pausing in his mild torment of Clark. "I don't." He paused for a beat, then frowned. "It's the principle of the thing." He sounded like he was confused as to why he'd have to explain it to anyone.

Ok, wow. That was just... not...

And then she watched Lex split the muffin and hand Clark half. The larger half.

Clark took it from him, and looked at it. He looked up at Lex, and saw how large his piece was.

And then he looked down and got a small smile.

Lois nearly dropped her coffee from nerveless fingers, because she'd seen Clark's big grins, and his lopsided sarcastic smiles, but she'd never seen him smile like that before. Not pure, unadulterated joy.

That thought did bad things to her head, because she knew Lana had did a number on him before she'd met him, but if she couldn't remember a time -- any time -- when he'd looked that happy and loved...

Lex reached down and absently ruffled Clark's hair.

Clark's smile grew into a small bright grin, and he shook his head and said, "Hey, you aren't getting chocolate muffin in my hair, are you?"

"Maybe," Lex smiled.

"Agh, you'd better not; I'll have to wash it, _again_ ," Clark complained, biting into his muffin.

"Or I'll have to," Lex said off the cuff, lounging back in his chair and popping another piece into his mouth.

Then they both paused in their chewing and looked at each other.

"Wait, no--" Clark protested, craning his neck up to frown at Lex nervously.

Lex got a grin.

"No no no," said Clark. "My hair! Mine!"

Lex chuckled and leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees and leaning down somewhat. "Hmmm, I don't know. I hear pets are bad about taking their own baths..." he said, starting to get into it.

"Shower," said Clark.

"Bath," said Lex.

Clark made a face.

Lex's smirk turned into a grin (--which was just weird to see on him, because it wasn't even evil or maniacal or anything).

Lois did a mental facepalm and took it back. Lex had no fucking idea what he was doing, really, at all.

...Which was kind of funny as hell, actually. It looked like _Clark_ was actually better at it, even though he obviously didn't have a clue, either.

 _Well, I guess this is why it's all some weird G-rated version of some kind of mess, instead of, y'know, **normal** domsub behavior,_ Lois sighed as she sipped at her coffee and listened to them bicker. _No wonder I've been having trouble drawing a bead on them the last fifteen minutes -- there's no bead to **draw** ,_ she snorted.

But what she figured was the _really_ weird shit was that Luthor was almost acting like a _actual human being_ for once.

...At least until Lana walked up.

When she thought about it later, she could almost forgive them -- divorce brings out the worst in people.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Lex," Lana walked up, declaratively. "Where's-- Clark?!"

Clark winced, then turned and looked up at Lana, smiling weakly. He opened his mouth--

...then seemed to stall out, glanced at Lex, then snapped it shut and turned away.

He looked nervous.

_Ok, what the hell was--_

"--He's not speaking to you," Lex interrupted smoothly, like an black oil slick, turning in his chair slightly to face Lana.

Lana opened her mouth to retort--

"--because I ordered him not to," Lex ended with a very dark smile.

He popped the last chunk of muffin in his mouth and chewed as Lana stared down at him.

"What?" Lana said, looking down at him in disbelief.

"It's really not that hard to understand, Lana," Lex began, once he'd taken the casual second to swallow. "You're getting what you want, but not quite the way you thought you would."

Lana frowned. "What are you talking about?"

Lex looked up at her with infinite patience. "I'm talking about when you sent Clark over to the mansion to talk me out of destroying your life for trying to murder me, of course, thinking I'd be more amenable to the idea if it came from him." He turned and lifted his coffee cup, taking a sip and pointedly not looking at Lana for a moment. "I decided to take him out of play."

 _What the hell?_ Lois thought again, because this right here? Was the Lex Luthor she'd expected to see earlier. ...So what the hell had been earlier?

Lana gave a little laugh in disbelief and miscomprehension. "What the hell are you talking about, Lex? I didn't--"

Lex waved a hand as he rose. "Asking him directly, dropping a hint of worry and knowing he'd take the initiative, knowing and not stopping him -- how you did it is not at issue here." He tilted his head down at her and gave her an unamused frown. "What _is_ at issue is that you seem to think it appropriate to drag other people into the middle of something personal that is only between the two of us," he said, gesturing between them with the hand holding his coffee cup. "That is _not_ acceptable." He tilted his head slightly. "I would have thought better of you, Lana," he said, more softly.

Lois was only half-listening on autopilot at this point. She was still trying to wrap her brain around watching Lex perform a maneuver for Clark that her dad had done for _her_ , multiple times when she was little and another ambassador or general had been getting out of line during negotiations when she'd been in the room: a physical body-block, taking a dominant stance and breaking direct line-of-sight, a subtle redirect of attention.

It pretty much said, 'Leave them out of this, this has nothing to do with them -- you talk to me,' and Lois knew that Lex knew her dad, the General.

She wondered if he'd learned it from him.

...It was more protective than just possessive, and Lois wondered how much of it was a calculated lie, and how much... wasn't.

But given the way Clark was starting to hunch in on himself a little, Lois wasn't going to argue the call.

"You're crazy, Lex," Lana laughed. "I didn't send Clark over to do anything. Why would he go to see you? What 'murder'?" Lana looked incredulous.

Lex clenched and unclenched his jaw and seemed to mentally square his shoulders.

Ok, between the three of them, Lois was starting to wonder whether her bullshit meter was broken, or just needed new batteries. Lois really couldn't think of any reason why Clark wouldn't have contradicted Lex earlier when he'd said what he did if Lex had been lying, but Lana didn't sound like she knew what they'd been talking about.

 _Somebody_ was lying.

If Clark's reaction was any indication -- his head twisting upwards, and almost saying something, then not -- then Lana was the one who... 

"Lana, I have evidence..." Lex began calmly, quietly.

Lana laughed.

"...backup copies of the security camera footage, copied to a bank of offline servers in a secure location."

Lana looked at him.

"Your intrusions into my systems have not gone unnoticed. I simply haven't had a reason to care because you haven't done anything with the information." Lex sighed.

"Don't be ridiculous," Lana scoffed, "If I had--"

"--I generally would not make it publically known which computer systems had been compromised, and simply wait until I knew who the intruder was before acting," Lex explained, then continued just as quietly, "I didn't try to oust your connections to the systems because there is an implicit understanding that doing so would alert you to my awareness of this fact. You are a smart woman, Lana. I have no doubt that when you try again I might not notice where or how you manage to do so, and may not be able to circumnavigate the more sensitive dealings of the company through alternate routes to keep them secure, if necessary."

Lana shook her head. "Lex, if there really is someone hacking into your systems, I'd certainly hope you'd disconnect them. A lot of people are employed by LuthorCorp, not just you. You're putting a lot of people at risk, assuming you're not just having paranoid delusions again," she said sadly.

Lex tensed.

So did Clark.

Clark was staring at the floor. Lex was staring at her.

"Lana--" he started warningly.

"--I mean, really," Lana said condescendingly, "Who believes in little green men?"

"Uh..." Lois looked between the two of them. "You're, uh... that... 'aliens' thing that some of the police talked about? After the meteor shower?" Lois said slowly. She had thought that had been the post-traumatic stress talking, even if it had been a _lot_ of the force... until it wasn't.

Lois knew from Chloe that Lex had spent a couple-month stint in Belle Reeve a few years ago, but she hadn't thought he was _that_ far off the reservation.

"Don't do this, Lana," Lex said under his breath.

"Yes, he does. He was _obsessed,_ " she spat out. "Seeing things that weren't there, totally paranoid." She took a breath. "He has no evidence of anything out of the ordinary, and he _still_ \--"

"LANA!" he shouted, losing his temper.

Lois' mind was racing about the implications of a delusionally-insane lunatic running LuthorCorp, and she paled.

Lois glanced down at Clark, who was slowly cringing in on himself, like he wanted to disappear into the floor.

"...I don't suppose either of you would like to make an evidentiary comment to that effect?" Lois asked, deciding to play reporter. People usually clammed up when they did that.

"Good luck getting anyone to talk who isn't dead or bought off," Lana said, crossing her arms and staring Lex in the eye.

Lex said, without looking away from Lana, "I have never made any claims for or against the possibility of extraterrestrial life." He took a breath. "I believe that you may wish to find a NASA spokesperson, Miss Lane, if you wish to discuss the rather controversial possibility of microbial life on Mars or the moons of Saturn, such as Titan."

Lana snorted.

"Ok, then," Lois said briskly, not real happy with either of the two of them.

"Clark, come on, we're--" Lana started, craning her neck around Lex.

Lex moved between them again. "He's not going anywhere with you; I told you."

"He's a grown man--"

"--who decided to give me his life in exchange for leaving you to yours, for your most recent transgression," Lex smoothly cut in. "I'd recommend not doing something that might make him regret that."

 _...And now I have gotten three different explanations for the same thing?_ Lois felt like those three blind guys with the elephant.

Lana stared up at him, probably feeling about as shocked hearing this version for the first time.

"...What."

"I said--"

Lana waved him off. "You're insane." She grabbed the advantage when he froze, taking the opportunity to walk around him far enough -- closer to Lois -- so that she could finally get a good look at Clark, while Lex wasn't reacting fast enough to stop her.

Lois knew when she saw the dog collar when Lana's expression cracked like a bad plaster mask.

"What the hell are you wearing?" she said in descending tones.

Lex got between them again. "What I told him to."

"He's not your _doll_ ," Lana spat out, and it was about that point at which Lois realized that she had to be the only one who could really see Clark from her seated position, the way he was reacting to Lana's words. "Or your slave. You can't tell him what to do."

"So long as he fulfills his end of the bargain, and me mine, that _is_ , in fact, exactly what he will do -- what I tell him," Lex said coldly.

Lana _blanched._

"Clark, get up and get out of here _now!_ " she shrieked.

Lois winced along with Clark at that one. Lex started to look like he was getting truly angry.

"Clark!" Lana said again when he didn't move. "Clark, listen to me -- he can't do anything!"

"Lana, stop--" Lex began, before Lois could interject herself -- honestly, the 'following orders' thing was kind of bullshit, the way Clark had been teasing Lex earlier to no end.

"No, you--!" Lana ground her teeth and took a step closer to Lex. "--Even if I admitted something _did_ happen, everyone knows about meteor psychosis," Lana hissed under her breath, not loud enough to carry any further than the four of them, and with that, Lois felt very cold.

Lex looked down his nose at her and dropped his hands to his sides. "Oh, please _do_ try to convince the authorities to recognize that -- I've been trying to no avail for _years_ ," he drawled, just as quietly.

"You are _lying_ about the tapes. There _is_ no evidence. It's your word against mine, and all I'll have to do is put Clark on the stand," Lana declared with a smile on her face. "And what do you think he'll say, huh?"

Lois saw Clark's head whip up at that. He _almost_ said something, but something in his eyes died out first. Lois watched as he slowly closed his eyes, and his forehead began to furrow, like the thought was causing him physical pain. His head slowly dropped down onto his knees.

"That would not be wise," Lex said slowly. "There are things that I think we both know that he would rather not talk about--"

"So he lies or pleads the fifth, as if you'd care, except for not getting the outcome you'd want," Lana brushed off. "Now, come on, Clark!" Lana directed at him, more loudly.

Clark was pressing his hands against his head, looking like he was trying to tune out the world.

"Lana, just --stop for a second, ok?" Lois said a little desperately, standing up and putting a hand on her shoulder. She _really_ didn't want to get involved in this mess, but Clark was her friend, and this was getting to be too much, even for her.

Lana brushed her off as Lex turned to her, then turned around to Clark and blinked when he took in what he was seeing.

He immediately took a step forward and knelt down next to him, and Lois saw the aloof and very powerful businessman vanish, to be replaced with only quiet concern. "Clark?"

Clark twitched, and his head only came up just a little.

"I want to go home," he told Lex.

Lex paused for only a second before he said, nonjudgmentally, "All right, Clark."

They both got up and left.

Lois grabbed Lana's arm in a grip when Lana started to move forward to follow them. Lana ended up whirling on her and saying, "Lois, what the hell--?" while at the same time grabbing her wrist lightning-fast in a pincer hold that only _looked_ harmless. Lois had to reflexively let go.

"Ow, Lana! Geez," she complained, rubbing her wrist -- it had hurt like hell, and she just knew she was gonna end up with bruises. She didn't want to think about how to explain this one to Grant.

Lana started to head for the door, Lois following -- god help her, more concerned about what would happen to Clark when _Lana_ caught up to him than what Lex might do with him in the meantime -- when they heard behind them, "Lana? Lois? What's going on?"

Chloe caught up to them in a hurry -- she had a slightly later shift than Lois at the Planet, and was only just leaving the Talon -- wow, Lois was _really_ gonna be late now if she didn't book it like Mario Andretti -- and Lana briefly and quickly started to fill her in.

"Lex did something to Clark -- he thinks he has to do what Lex says--!"

"Woah! Woah! That's not what it sounds like!" Lois started, because given all of Luthor's crazy mindcontrol projects, that came across _way_ worse than--

"It's close enough!" Lana snapped at her, and Lois barely held her ground, eyes widening.

"Ok, wait, hold on," Chloe said, waving her hands a little and getting between them, playing peacekeeper. "Can we start over from the beginning please?"

"There's no time!" Lana interjected. "Lex said he's taking him home."

"What's wrong with the farm?" Chloe asked with a frown.

Lois glanced out the window at Lex and Clark, who were parked right outside on the street, and watched Lex start to pull out, and then saw Clark look panicked and like he was arguing with Lex. Lex looked shocked for a moment, then determined as he pulled an illegal U-turn in the middle of the street -- damn, that car had a tight turn radius!

"I don't think Clark meant he wanted to go to the farm..." Lois said with a breathless laugh, as her cousin and her crazy friend whirled around just in time to see Lex take off down the street in the opposite direction.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Ok, cuz'," Lois sighed as she walked back into their apartment, dropped her bag, and starting pulling off her heels, "What's the damage?"

"Lois!" Chloe said with a startled look upwards from the couch. She had her feet kicked up and her laptop in her lap. "I didn't hear you come in!"

"And I didn't see you at work today. What gives?" Lois had thought that Chloe was right behind her on the way out, only stopping a minute to calm Lana down, maybe make her take some Valium and crash.

"Lana ended up asking me to take a sick day to help her out with a few things," Chloe said with a weak 'what can you do?' smile.

"Oh god, Chloe," Lois groaned, tossing her shoes down by the door and dropping down onto the couch next to her. "Tell me you didn't get roped into this."

"Lois--"

"No, cuz', just-- no." Lois dropped her head back and stared at the ceiling. "Seriously, I'm on Team Clark for this one."

"Lois, 'Team Clark' went back to the mansion with 'Team Lex'," Chloe said disapprovingly.

"Yeah, sure, except that in _this_ case, I think those teams might be the same team," Lois put out there.

"What?" Chloe said, closing her laptop.

"I take it you got the totally biased version, then," Lois sighed as she pulled her legs up and propped her head up on her arm, staring at Chloe.

"Lois--"

"No, look -- you didn't see them before Little Miss Harpy swooped in," Lois objected. "At this point? Even if they both actually got zapped by your magic space rocks, I'm thinking that maybe it was for the best and we should look into making it permanent."

"Lois!"

"Chlo, I'm serious, ok?" Lois leveled with her. "Unless you're planning on nomming Luthor for an Emmy this year, I don't think he was faking anything earlier. They were both _happy_ and relaxed and just fucking around messing with each other before Lana showed up, and Clark started doing his turtle impression and Lex went all Evil Suit again."

Chloe's eyebrows went up.

"No, really. Chloe, if you'd asked me before this morning if I thought Clark was yanking my chain when he said they used to be friends, I would've sworn up and down that he must've been. Either that, or totally naiive or something, but..."

"So which one do you think is the real Lex?' Chloe asked.

Lois snorted and rolled her eyes at the leading question. "Both of them. I like the domsub one that shows up around Clark a lot better though -- he's practically human."

"Domsub?"

Lois blinked at her Kansas born-and-bred cousin, city-girl or not, and sighed. "Uh, yeah. BDSM? Like--"

"Dominatrix? Like, black leather, high heels, and a whip? --And _chains?_ " Chloe's voice went up a few octaves.

"Uh, not _all_ of it's like that --oh, wow," Lois said, her eyes going distant for a second. "Wow. No _wonder_ he and Lana can't get along. Two doms just doesn't _work_ ," she said, thinking of Lana's crazy-unexpected transformation that morning -- but then again, most doms apparently were... until the button-down cardigan came off. "Talk about a bitch on heels..."

Lois frowned. "It's kind of weird, though. Most power suits that are guys like subbing... --uh, hey, don't look at me like that," she said as Chloe gave her an ashonished look. "I've just got some friends in the scene, ok? I went, I saw, I decided it wasn't my shot of vodka," she explained, curling up on the couch with a pillow. "But they were nice enough to explain things so I could at least try to understand a little."

She glanced down and realized Chloe had opened up her laptop again. "Hey, I can get how you might wanna go into research mode before talking about this stuff, but you should probably stay away from--" she watched Chloe's eyes go wide "--image search," she ended too late. She sighed.

"I'ma gonna get us some alcohol, ok?" Lois said, abandoning her pillow on the couch as she got up and headed for the kitchen.

"Uh huh," Chloe said, unable to tear her eyes away from whatever porny thing her browser was probably showing her.

Five minutes and a couple shots between them, Chloe was giggling and Lois breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn't completely broken her favorite cousin's brain.

"Ok, ok," Chloe said finally, turning back to Lois. "First off, I think we're missing at least two out of the three SSC--"

"I won't comment on 'sane'," Lois said, rolling her eyes, "But no -- it's definitely consensual," Lois said.

"Lex threatened Lana," Chloe frowned. "Clark's only doing it because--"

"Yeah, no -- maybe that's how they got _into_ this mess, but -- no," Lois shook her head. "Those two ended up explaining it three different ways, and when Smallville put it as a 'dare', Luthor pretty much agreed."

"A 'dare'??!" Chloe repeated.

"Um," Lois had to think back. "And I quote: 'Clark does what I say, and Lana doesn't get jailed for trying to kill me yesterday.' "

Chloe stared at her.

"...Yeah, they're guys. I think the 'dare' part comes in where Clark keeps trying to annoy Lex to the point that Lex says 'nevermind' before Clark says he wants out, and still leaves Lana alone because he was the one to give up first," Lois shrugged, downing a shot of vodka. "Speaking of," Lois said casually, "did Lana actually do that?"

"Lois--" Chloe started in that particular chiding tone, one Lois recognized.

"No. Stop right there," Lois said with a sinking feeling. "God." She slammed down the bottle, feeling a little ill. "I can't believe that you'd even think of lying to me, to family over some friend!"

"Lois--!" Chloe looked almost desperate.

"No, Chlo'! Lex said it, Clark didn't correct him, and practically outright agreed with him later, and _then_ Lana practically admitted it right at the end before you came downstairs," Lois said. "This isn't a 'Lois has a crazy theory' moment. Don't you _dare!_ "

"She wasn't in her right mind," Chloe said angrily.

"No shit," Lois said. "I bet she wasn't this morning, either."

"Lois--"

"No, I am telling you, this whole thing is bad news, Chlo'," Lois warned her. "It sounded like Luthor was pissed, like he thought Lana had been dragging Clark into the middle of things and Luthor was trying to, not, or something. It _sounded_ like he was getting ready to take the gloves off if she didn't back the hell down, Chlo. I _don't_ want you picking sides and getting caught up in the crossfire."

"She's my friend," Chloe said stubbornly. "I'm not just going to ditch her because Lex decided to turn up the heat."

"I know," Lois said. "But I _don't_ think you want to be blindly backing the one who's running around trying to murder the other one."

"Lex has done way worse, and you know it!" Chloe said.

"...Are you actually _ok_ with Lana trying to kill him?" Lois asked, tilting her head to look at her.

Chloe clenched her jaw. "She wasn't in her right mind," she stressed.

"Ok, fine. Whatever," Lois said, slumping back against the sofa cushions. "Just-- do me a favor, ok?"

"What?"

"If this is some meteor rock thing somehow -- and I'm not saying it is -- then you'd damn well better find the antidote for it, first," Lois said firmly. "Because if it _is_ then I'm pretty sure neither of those poor bastards knows it, and the comedown for Clark will probably end up going down harder than he was senior year over Lana."

Chloe made a face. "Why would you think it isn't, anyway?"

"Because I asked them if it was, and they both looked at me like I was nuts."

Chloe snorted and rolled her eyes.

"I know; just keep an eye out, ok?"

"Sure."

Lois mixed up some more rum and coke for Chloe and handed it over, then poured herself another shot of vodka.

"...You really think it's some kind of a dare?" Chloe asked.

Lois looked at her sideways, and proceeded to explain about the coffee and the muffins.

Chloe blinked at her. "Uh..."

"Yeah. I know. Dommie-subby mindgame bliss all around." Lois downed another shot.

"Clark was making a game. Out of lying," Chloe said speculatively, crossing her arms, frowning, and thinking hard.

"It was more like pulling pranks than shooting the shit, but yeah," Lois agreed. "Silly boys -- I really would've figured Lex for the sub and Clark for the dom, I swear."

"Mm, websites say that some people swap?"

"Eh, maybe." Lois offered. "Seemed pretty consistent to me."

"Are you sure Clark's the sub?" Chloe asked. "It sounded like he was the one controlling Lex more than the other way around."

"That's kind of how it works, Chlo," Lois said. "The sub has the most power, because everything has to stop when they say 'no'."

"Except Clark's not going to," Chloe pointed out.

"Yeah, but I bet it's not because he's worried about Lana anymore, or he wouldn't be pushing the boundaries so much. He feels comfortable enough to try and see what he can get away with," Lois frowned. "I mean, he knows what Lex has been doing just as much as any of us. If he thought Lex was gonna pull something nasty, he'd be scared to death and self-censoring and jittery as hell, not... that." Lois waved a hand.

Then something occurred to Lois. "Oh shit. Luthor's a fucking genius."

"What?"

"The whole daring 'bet' thing," Lois said. "If Clark's worried about Lana, then he'll say 'yes' and he's 'out of play', out of the way from inbetween them--"

"Unless Lex is planning on using him against Lana," Chloe frowned.

"No, that violates the whole no-messing-with-Lana thing, and then Clark's off the hook," Lois said. "and I don't think it's that, or Lex would be more pissed with him about still coveting his ex-wife."

"Ouch," Chloe said, drinking down some of her coke-and-rum.

"But if Clark's okay with whatever, then Clark can point to the whole 'worried about Lana' thing as an excuse to keep going," Lois continued elaborating the original train of thought. "Lex takes the heat as being the overbearing bastard, which fits with the dommie role perfectly, Clark can't really be held accountable for his actions, because he's got his excuse, and they're all happy. Uh, except Lana."

"That..." Chloe scrunched up her face, "...is really twisted and wrong and totally dependent on Lex actually giving a damn about Clark."

"Meh, I guess it could work if Lex was trying to split them up and getting revenge or something that way," Lois offered, "But... yeah. Emmy. Pretty sure he actually gives a damn about Clark."

At Chloe's eyeroll, Lois said, "Look you had to be there, ok?"

"Uh huh," Chloe said noncommitally.

"Besides, with Lana saying she didn't want Clark to go through with it, he totally would've stopped if it was only all for her," Lois pointed out.

"Maybe."

Lois sighed. "Honestly, though. The way Clark likes taking care of people is kinda unreal. I swear he should be a dom though, with the whole down-home man-of-the-house king-of-the-land running-the-farm thing," she frowned. "I mean, I know he bends over backwards for Lana, but..."

Lois stopped and blinked at that.

"--Oh damn, maybe that's why they were fighting over Clark. Maybe Lana was trying to 'train' him or whatever, to flip him from a dom to a really fucking pathetic sub -- because I'm pretty sure she's all about the power-play flagellation stuff the way she was acting earlier once she dropped the mask -- and Lex wasn't having anything for it."

"And we're voting for Lex over Lana _again_ , why?"

"Because Clark was happy and relaxed with Lex, and when Lana showed up he was flinching at every other word that came out of her mouth?" Lois parried. "It's not supposed to be like that. Not with the subby 'pet' stuff. The dommie 'owner' is _supposed_ to take care of the 'pet' and make them feel all good and loved and crap, not verbally kick and abuse them. That's degrading." Lois frowned, because she really didn't like the implications of that, if that had been what Lana had been doing.

Lana had had him all alone on the farm for months, now, doing god-knows-what to him. Lex might have his work cut out for him. ...Except he didn't know what he was fucking doing, really. Ugh. Those two were gonna need some help.

"And the 'owner' gets what out of it? A pat on the back and a feeling of superiority at making a dog out of a person?" Chloe asked snarkily.

" _No_ , that's the wrong way of doing it-- argh, look, I'm not explaining this well," Lois complained, falling backwards on the couch. "It's like... I _think_ they're mostly supposed to be doing the same thing -- taking care of each other, but they do it different ways." Lois looked up at Chloe. "Like, the dom has it easier, because they can just ask and order and they're _supposed_ to do obvious stuff to take care of things. The sub's gotta be a lot more subtle, 'cause the dom won't feel as good if they don't feel like they're in charge all the time," Lois tried to explain. "Like, they can't always ask stuff directly, usually, and they have to be a lot more attentive to the dom's moods and stuff."

"Attentive," Chloe repeated doubtfully.

"Yeah. They've gotta figure out when it's a good time to let the dom do their thing, and when they're getting so stressed out that they should interfere, and do it without being all ordering and dommie about it. Um..." Lois thought for a second. "Like, instead of saying, 'You should stop working because you're too stressed out and it's not good for you,' they've gotta be... more sneaky. Like, distract them by being all, 'I want to play, don't you want to spend time with cute little old me?' instead. --What?" Lois asked when Chloe's eyebrows went up.

"It's just..." Chloe got a weird twisty smile and said, "Clark used to go visit Lex after school and play pool with him at the mansion."

"...Okay?" Lois prompted.

Chloe sighed and looked away, biting her lip. "Clark usually complained about how Lex was always working and needed to take more breaks."

"Hah!" Lois pointed at her. "See! See! That, right there! That's what I'm talking abou-- wait," she stopped, her finger drooping. "When the hell was this again?"

"...Freshman year of high school. And, uh, most of sophmore year, too."

"Oh for god's sake!" Lois complained, throwing up her hands. "See, _this_ is why they need to fix the sex-ed curriculum -- right there! Those two!"

Chloe choked on her rum-and-coke.

" _Kansas boys,_ " Lois said, rolling her eyes.

"Ok, ok, hold on," Chloe interrupted. "This thing here says different."

"Right, because everything online--" Lois grumbled. "Pass me this thing -- what is this?"

"Submissives, slaves, and pets," Chloe said, handing over her laptop. "This says pets are the lowest on the spectrum -- total submission and the most in--"

"--'danger of mentally losing their sense of self', thanks, Chlo, I can read," Lois sighed, passing the laptop back. "It also says that that definition isn't universal -- read a couple others," Lois said, pointing at the screen. "Maybe I'm biased because I only got my friends' perspective, but I'm using that term because -- A -- it's the most flexible one I know for what they're doing and -- B -- it doesn't usually involve sex during the 'petplay' or whatever. It isn't even necessarily 'full time', and it doesn't necessarily involve humiliation of the 'pet' or even making the 'pet' actually _act_ like an animal."

Lois sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Not unless the 'pet' is actually wanting and asking for it, anyway, but I seriously don't see Clark getting off on that." She took another gulp of vodka. "--Plus, that's _not_ how they were acting. --Clark and Lex, I mean. I think they're more on the 'petting and stroking and snuggling' end of the spectrum than the 'get down on all fours and eat out of a bowl' side." Then she stopped and got a slightly blank look. "Oh god, I just got a mental image of a snuggly Lex Luthor. Get it out, get it out," she said blandly, reaching for the vodka.

Chloe snickered.

Lois glanced over at her blonde-haired cousin. "Oh god -- please don't, I don't want to know!" Lois said.

" 'Snuggly Lex Luthor'," Chloe repeated darkly, with a giggle and a wide grin.

"Aaugh, no wait! --Alcohol! Alcohol in the hand!" Lois objected as Chloe reached forward and started tickling her while she was still holding on to the open bottle.

They adjourned for a bit for the ticking, the subsequent pillow fight to fend off the attack of the tickling fiend, and then more vodka for the both of them -- because vodka always made everything go down better, in Lois' vaunted opinion.

"This is crazy, you know that, right?" Chloe drawled out slowly, leaning against Lois on the couch.

"Is _not_ ," Lois declared right back, gesturing with her cup at her cousin. "It's... it's a beeeau-ti-ful fucked-up thing."

"Crazy," Chloe repeated.

"They just don't know what they're doing," Lois reassured her. "They've got that whole.... social dynamic thing right, but they don't know what they're sup'osed to _do_ , really." She sighed again. "So sad."

"Scary," Chloe said.

"No, _sad,_ " Lois frowned, poking Chloe in the shoulder. "They coulda been... they coulda _been_ , for _ages_." Lois sighed. "Got all outta whack, no balance. Stupid Evil Lex Luthor when Clark isn't around," she grumbled.

Chloe sighed and her head fell down to rest against Lois' shoulder with a soft thump.

"Lightweight," Lois said. "Pfft."

Lois took another gulp of vodka straight from the bottle and narrowed her eyes, thinking of sneaky sneaky plans on how to make sure the two silly Kansas boys stayed together. She was all for a not-evil Lex, after all.

Maybe she couldn't change the past and what happened to Wes, and maybe she couldn't make Luthor burn in hell for it on earth, but she could sure as hell try and make sure he didn't do anything else like that ever again. If that meant shoving him and Clark together and having him too busy with Clark to focus on anything else, instead of locking him in a filthy basement and shoving pins under his fingers and toenails, then fine. So be it.

She was a practical woman. She could work with this.

~*~*~*~*~*~

When they woke up, it was Saturday.

Once they were mostly over their respective hangovers, Lois declared a field trip and drove them up to the Luthor castle-mansion-estate thingy, and proceeded to basically storm the gates.

Literally -- the guy in the gatehouse wouldn't let them in.

"You're not on the approved list," the man said, looking down his nose at them.

"Dont make me get up out of this car," Lois threatened. "You get on that little speakerphone of yours and you tell Clark Kent that Lois and Chloe are here to see him, right now."

"I don't--" he sneered.

There was a 'beep' from his tower.

The guy frowned and reached back to answer it.

After he hung up, he said very prissily, "Try not to drive on the grass," and hit the button for the gate.

"Lois..." Chloe complained, "Please don't."

"Guy is fucking asking for it."

"Yeah, except I bet he won't be the one who has to fix the grass if you do it."

"Fine," Lois grumbled. "But I'm coming back tonight and TPing his little dumbass tower, I _swear_ ," Lois grumbled under her breath. "TP and stink bombs, all the way."

Chloe gave her a pained little smile and carefully held her still-aching head.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lex met them at the front door -- he actually opened it himself.

"Clark's asleep," he said.

"Get out!" Lois said in disbelief. It was nearly noon.

"We want to see him," Chloe said.

"He's. Asleep." Lex repeated, eyes narrowing.

"Is everything all right?" Lois asked, getting a weird feeling from him.

Lex glanced over at her. "...He didn't sleep well last night. I'm not waking him up."

"But--" Lois grimaced and frowned a little, then sighed gustily. "Fine." A sleep-deprived Clark was a cranky Clark; if he needed to rest...

Lex gave her a long stare, then looked away as he took a step back and opened the door. "You can wait in the library if you want..."

"What happened last night?" Chloe asked him as they walked in.

Lex's mouth drew itself into a faint line. "Lana got him on his cellphone before I realized he still had it on him."

Lois sucked in a breath. "Shit..."

Lex glanced over at her with a frown, then led them down the hallway in silence.

"Not too shabby, Luthor," Lois commented, unabashedly looking all up, down and around, and peering into every open door as they went.

Chloe did the same as Lois, but was a lot more circumspect about it.

Lex suppressed a sigh.

He pushed open the double doors to the library and walked them in.

"You work in here?" Lois asked.

"Sometimes."

Lois stood there for a moment, then realized that Luthor hadn't even given them a possible ETA on when he thought Clark might wake up. "Yeah, ok -- seriously, what's going on?" Lois rounded on him. "Is Clark even here?"

Lex's eyes narrowed. "Yes."

He started walking towards the doors, and Lois turned. "Seriously, that's it? Just a 'yes'?" She crossed her arms. "I thought you were a lot more verbose than that."

Lex stopped and turned, staring at her.

"...Did _you_ get any sleep last night?" Chloe suddenly asked, and Lois blinked and glanced between the two of them.

With the way Lex's frown became almost a glower, Lois mentally high-fived her cousin. "Ok, so, what, you think he'll be any _less_ happy seeing us than missing us coming over to see him?"

After a moment, Lex said, "You, perhaps not. Her?" Lex glanced at Chloe and gave her a disdainful look.

"You can't keep us from talking to him," Chloe threatened.

"Actually, I can," Lex said quietly.

"What's his new phone number?" Lois asked. When he blinked at her, she said, "What? You're not just gonna block Lana's number; she'll just use another phone." Because, really, Luthor was _crazy_ , not _stupid_.

Lex seemed to be weighing her, considering.

Finally, he said, "If Clark wants you to have his number, he'll give it to you."

"Or call."

Lex nodded wearily at her. "I had his contact list copied over."

When he turned to go, Lois said, "You going up to see him?"

This time, Lex did sigh as he turned back. "No."

"Why the hell not?"

"It's called 'work'. I have it," Lex bit out, turning away again.

"Oh hell no," Lois said angrily, stomping out into the hallway past him before he could.

Lex did a double-take as she passed him. "What are you--"

"Where is he, upstairs in one of the bedrooms?" Lois asked, striding down the hallway. "CLARK?!?" Lois called out, jogging up the stairs.

Lex's mouth dropped, before he took off after her.

Chloe stood there blinking, then cursed under her breath and rushed off after them.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lex caught up to Lois soon enough -- she was easy to find, slamming doors open and yelling for him.

He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back. "What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?" he hissed at her. "You'll wake--"

"Then tell me where he is. I want to see him and make sure he's ok."

They glared at each other for a beat or two, before Lex, looking irate, tersely said, 'Fine," dropped his hold on her, and briskly walked off down the hallway.

Chloe caught up as Lex pulled out a key and proceeded to unlock the door.

...Or tried to, cursing under his breath because he'd pulled out the wrong one. He fumbled with the keychain.

"Oh that's rich," Lois said lowly. "You locked him in? I bet he feels real safe between that and all the bars on the windows. Real homey place you've got here at Casa de Luthor."

Lex's head came up and he frowned at that, before he turned back to the lock. "I gave him his own set of keys last night," he said shortly, as he finally got the door open.

"Clark..." he said as he knocked quietly and opened the door a crack, then he muttered a curse as Lois just barged right in.

"What the hell?" Lois breathed, half a laugh, as she caught sight of the white sheet hanging over the bed like magic.

She turned to Lex, who was rubbing his eyes with his fingers.

But Chloe was the one who said, "He doesn't like being under surveillance."

Lex's head snapped over to her, and he got a blank look of slight shock, then his eyes widened slightly, like he was remembering something he shouldn't have forgotten.

His mouth thinned and he turned and strode out of the room, rummaging in a pocket and pulling out a cellphone.

Lois shook her head and left him to it, brief muffled orders ringing back softly from the hallway in a regular staccato cadence.

She walked over and flipped the bedsheet up, then over, then over, until the sheet was on the floor.

Clark was sprawled out on top of the covers, in the clothes he'd been wearing the previous day. He was asleep, but fitfully. He looked like hell.

She eyed the weird metal boxy thing on the bed, then stepped back and performed a perfect Karate high-kick.

The thing went flying, hit the wall by the windows, and landed with a horrific crash.

She heard Lex curse loudly in the hallway and from his footsteps he was hurrying back in. She ignored him for the moment.

Clark stirred on the bed, and startled awake when she jumped onto it heavily.

"Hey there, Sleeping Beauty," Lois said, poking him in the shoulder as she sat next to him. "You getting up sometime this century?"

"...Lois?" Clark said fuzzily, blearily looking up at her.

"Yup, me," she confirmed. "Hey, do you know? That guy at the gate tried to pull a fast one on me. I almost had to run the thing down."

"It's cast iron," Clark frowned up at her, turning his head so he could look up at her. "You'd break your car first."

"Says you," she bantered back with a grin. "I say we test it."

"Please don't," Clark groaned.

Lex stood in the doorway in what looked like slight shock, phone in one hand, practically forgotten. His eyes flicked between Clark and Lois as they talked, watching warily.

"So, I hear Lana called you yesterday and was being all bitchy," she said, eyeing Clark.

Clark looked like he deflated.

"How many times did she call?" Lois asked.

"A couple."

"How many times did you pick up?" Lois said.

Clark muttered a non-answer under his breath.

Lex looked like he'd been sucker punched.

"Hm. Thought you weren't supposed to be talking with her," Lois tried, lightly.

"I wasn't. Just listening," he muttered, turning away a little.

Lex rubbed a hand across his face and looked like he wanted to hurt someone.

"Ok, and what did she say, exactly?"

When Clark looked miserable, she said, "Did you tell Lex?" and turned to Lex.

When Lex got a similar look, she cursed. "Fuck, she got to _both_ of you?" Lois got angry all over again. "Fuck! God, just, fuck her. --Ok, no wait, _don't_ fuck her, there is to be no fucking of her by _either_ of you, that's gotta be at least half of what caused this whole mess in the first place," Lois grumbled, running her hands across her face.

Clark and Lex both blinked at her, then glanced at each other, before looking away.

"Ok, first thing -- Lana is a jealous bitch. Pretend she never said anything -- you'll feel better; she doesn't know what she's talking about anyway."

"And you do?" Clark muttered, hunching his shoulders and pulling his pillow closer to him.

"I have friends," Lois said. "Lots and lots of friends. They talk. --Speaking of which, where's your collar?" she segued without notice.

"I-- um," said Clark.

"What, Lex didn't sneak up on you while you were asleep?" Lois said sweetly, glancing at his neck.

"What? No!" Clark said, sitting up and bringing his hands up to his neck. "That's not--"

When Clark realized he wasn't actually wearing it, Lois grinned and said, "What, not fair? Out of bounds? Not part of the game?"

Clark looked at her suspiciously.

Lex... started to relax slowly, leaning up against the doorway. He brought his phone back up to his ear, finished the conversation quickly and quietly, and snapped it shut.

Chloe carefully watched the two of them, looking like she was trying to see -- or not see -- what Lois had told her she'd thought she'd seen the day before.

"So, where is it?" Lois asked.

"I have it," Lex said, pulling it out of a pocket and holding it up.

"Give it here," Lois said, reaching out a hand and making grabbing motions at air.

"I think _not_ ," said Lex, eyes narrowing, slowly pulling it towards his chest.

"Ooh, another rule: only Lex gets to collar the Clark," Lois teased, poking Clark. Clark frowned at her and shifted a little uneasily.

"Ok, so, stop me if I'm getting warm, ok?" Lois said, leaning back on her arms and lounging on the bed. "Lana said something about collars and naked everything else and perversion and human pets and maybe eating off of floors and flogging and belts and whips and chains and things, yeah? And maybe some other stupid bullshit about locks and no privacy and lots of gay sex--"

"Oh god, _please stop talking,_ " Clark nearly whimpered, putting his hands over his ears.

"No, Clark, that's all bullshit, ok? That's not how it's done," Lois said to him, tugging at his hands. "No sex, nothing weird, nothing either of you don't like," she said in a smooth patter of words. "There's nothing wrong with it. She's just jealous of you guys getting along, and can't handle it, and really, really _doesn't_ know what she's talking about."

Lex's head was slowly coming up, and his expression was clearing into something like... relief?

Clark was staring at Lois, like he was half-afraid to listen.

"But..." he said.

"No, look, you should totally talk to people who, you know, _actually know_ ," Lois said. When Clark glanced over at Lex, Lois added, "Yeah, he should too; I _swear_ you _guys_." She sighed deeply.

Clark glanced over at Lex again, eyebrows furrowing slightly together. Lex just stood there, and Clark quietly said, "Um...?" and bit his lip. His eyes brightened slightly and his shoulders started to drop.

"And you know... people who do?" Lex queried.

"Uh, yeah," Lois said, like that was a 'no duh' moment, turning back to him. "Well, ok, maybe friends of friends or something around here. I mean Metropolis. ...Fine, whatever: I'll call around and find people," she said brazenly. "Not like it's hard."

Lex tilted his head and stared at her.

"Seriously, Luthor -- your instincts are good, but you really don't know shit about this stuff," Lois said, shaking her head.

She heard a quiet giggle behind her, and she turned to see Clark biting his lip.

"Hey, you're no big exception either, Smallville," she said, poking him in the arm.

"Now seriously, we've got to get you the basics," Lois said, slapping her hands together and rubbing them.

"Um..." Clark started to look a little worried.

" 'We'?" Lex said, with a look.

"Uh, yeah, I think we've established that you _both_ need some help, here, because _neither_ of you know shit," Lois said. "I mean, do you even have a leash to go with that thing?"

"A _leash_?" Lex looked taken aback.

"Uh huh," Lois said.

She grinned as Lex's jaw dropped slightly, then even more as he snapped it back closed and turned just a tad pink.

"Lois!" Clark objected, blushing a bright red.

Interesting, that it had seemed to occur to Clark, but the thought obviously hadn't even _crossed_ Lex's mind before now. Lois wondered who had come up with the collar idea first. "Fine, fine, whatever -- do it however you want, I don't care," she said, waving her hands. "But you--" she pointed at Clark, "need the rest of a new wardrobe, 'cause there's no way you're getting out of this without one, am I right?" she asked Luthor.

Lex smiled slightly, while Clark quietly groaned.

"Yup, gotta get rid of all that flannel," Lois continued. "Probably oughta just burn it all--"

"Oh my god, what is it about people and burning my flannel!" Clark yelled, throwing his hands up.

Lois blinked at him.

"Who told you!" Clark huffed, crossing his arms.

"Wait... this is a thing?" Lois asked, brightening.

Lex was covering his mouth with a hand and looking like he was trying not to... laugh?

Clark blinked then glowered. "No!" he said.

Lois didn't believe him. It didn't look like Chloe did, either.

"Can we grab the rest of his flannel from the farm?" she asked Lex, pointing a thumb at Clark.

"Don't even think about it -- I'll sic Cook and her fire extinguisher on you again!"

"...Again?" Chloe echoed.

"You _called_ her?!" Lex exclaimed.

"Wha--" Lois looked between Clark and Lex and then started laughing hysterically.

Clark rolled his eyes, crossed his arms, and looked very put-upon, glaring at Lois. Lex glanced away, smiling slightly.

"Oh, oh man, that is so not fair!" Lois finally said, wiping away tears. "How could you not invite me!"

"You're not on my speed dial," Lex said.

"Lex!!" Clark protested.

Lois grinned.

"Okay, so -- flannel-removal later; new wardrobe, now," Lois said. "And maybe a basic rundown on collars and things."

"I-- ...'now'?" Clark said, derailed.

"Yeah, sure," Lois said. "Why not? It's the weekend. Let's go to Metropolis, paint the town plaid."

"No, no -- too much like flannel," Lex murmured with a small smile.

"Whatever," Lois waved at him. "There will be a painting of some color arrangement across a multitude of buildings, and it will be fun -- come _on_ , Smallville," she said, tugging at his arm.

"But--" Clark said, glancing up at Lex.

"It's fine," he said, pushing off of the doorway and standing upright. "Have fun."

"What?" Clark said. His expression dropped when he realized Lex wasn't slowing down. His eyes went wide when he realized he wasn't coming back. Then, louder: "Wait, no -- Lex!"

Clark slid off the bed and bounded out into the hallway.

Lois got up at a more sedate pace and passed Chloe with a smile and a wink.

"Fixed it," she said.

Chloe gave her a look.

"This isn't a good idea," Chloe said, frowning.

"Then don't come along; you weren't exactly invited," Lois said, turning and jogging to catch up to the two men.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Chloe walked down the hallway towards the three of them at a sedate pace, and realized when Lex had given in when his shoulders dropped slightly.

"Fine," she heard him sigh, before she caught up.

"Chlo, you can drive back ok, right?" Lois said, tossing her the keys.

"Lois--" Chloe protested.

"You're not coming?" Clark tentatively asked her.

Chloe opened her mouth to speak, but Lois overrode her. "You know she doesn't like huge clothes shopping trips; she only came by to make sure you were ok."

"Oh," Clark said.

Lois linked arms with the two of them and nearly dragged them along in her wake. Clark frowned at this, but Lex kept up without complaint.

He did glance back at Chloe, though, and from the narrowed gaze he sent her way, she was sure he knew that she didn't approve at all.

She also got the feeling that he didn't particularly care...

...so long as she didn't say anything disparaging to Clark about it.

Well, all that she'd seen happen here was that Lois had managed to make Clark and Lex feel a little better somehow -- as far as Chloe was concerned, it had had nothing to do with the two of them, at all.

They hadn't seemed too different, either; the sleepless night could've explained it. The jury was still out on meteor rock playing a role. It obviously wasn't straight green or red, at least.

She hoped Lana was having more luck -- or at least less trouble -- on her end.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lex decided that they would take the limosuine.

Clark lay out flat on the seats, head in Lex's lap, and was out like a light.

Lois sat across from them, watching Lex slowly stroke his fingers through the hair on Clark's head.

She could almost see the tension slowly running out of him, as he leaned into the corner of the seats. He really did look horribly tired.

But the tension only went away so far. It was almost as though there was something Lex was physically holding onto, that he couldn't let go of.

...Well, ok, technically he was doing that to Clark's chest with his other free hand, but Lois meant more of a mental hold, she guessed.

"Just let go already," she muttered at him.

"...What?" Lex asked her, looking up, startled.

"Just lean back and let go of whatever it is you're worrying about, jesus," Lois said, a little louder. "It's not hard. You're in the back of a limo with Clark and nothing else to do; enjoy it."

"I should be working," he murmured, looking out the window.

"Well, you're here instead," Lois said blandly. "You gonna tell me you made the wrong choice?"

"Maybe," Lex said quietly.

" _Maybe?_ " Lois repeated.

"It means nothing if he's not safe," Lex murmured.

"God you're paranoid," Lois said. "Lana's not going to--"

"I'm not worried about Lana; I'm perfectly capable of handling _her_ ," he said disparagingly, turning his head towards her, eyes flashing.

"Then who?"

Silence. Then--

"It is your intent to attempt to wrest information from me the entire ride to Metropolis?" Lex said quietly.

"No," Lois said tempermentally. "It's my 'intent' to get you to relax, and then fall asleep--"

"Is it," Lex murmured, glancing down at Clark.

"--so _I_ can fall asleep because I've still got kind of a hangover from yesterday," Lois ended.

Lex blinked up at her, and then his eyes seemed to be laughing at her.

"Shut up," she said, crossing her arms.

"I didn't say a word," he said evenly, but he definitely looked amused.

"Whatever," Lois said. "So if they didn't send you to Belle Reeve for paranoia, then what was it?"

There was a long pause.

"Chloe told me that you got carted off there," Lois added. "So you might as well not deny it -- she would know."

"Yes, she would," Lex said. He glanced down at Clark again as he kept stroking his hair. "But you don't," he added. "I wonder why she wouldn't share that with you; don't you?" he said mildly.

Lois frowned at him. "Why'd you end up there, then?"

"I admit nothing; there are no records," he said evenly.

"Fine, don't admit it; just tell me why," Lois pressed.

Lex laughed lightly. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you," he said quietly, with a twisted smirk.

"Yeah? Try me," Lois challenged, watching him.

"...You misunderstand, Lane." His smile grew even more twisted. "I can hardly believe it myself, some days."

Lois bit her lip and waited.

After awhile, she mentally shrugged and stared out the window as the fields whisked by.

Then, out of nowhere, after some time had passed, she heard, "My father sent me there in an attempt to forestall my efforts to have him tried for the murder of his parents, my grandparents."

Lois' eyes widened, but she didn't say a word.

"I was subjected to all manner of drugs, and then electroshock therapy, at an unconscionably high voltage setting," he continued in almost a whisper. "There's a seven week gap of memory still missing, a black hole in my mind from the experience."

"He made me forget what I knew. I didn't realize what had happened until months after the fact."

There was a long silence.

"And then what happened?" Lois prompted.

"And then?" Lex smiled. "And then Chloe helped me to have him tried and convicted for patricide and insurance fraud." His eyes lowered. "And then he tried to get even. I ended up poisoned, nearly died, and needed blood filtration every three days for months afterwards just to stay alive." He paused and licked his lips. "She was nearly killed by Lionel's thugs, even though I had the General put her and her father into hiding so deep that even you had trouble finding her."

He raised his eyes again. "I think you remember the latter part; it all should have ended with his rightful conviction, but instead it just continued onward in a never-ending cycle with his rather abrupt pardoning a few short months later." His mouth twisted as if he'd tasted something vile.

Lois gritted her teeth.

"For some reason, people tend to forget that he's a convicted felon," Lex said mildly.

"And yet LuthorCorp still employs him as a consultant," Lois shot back in a low tone.

"It's difficult to keep an eye on him when he's left completely to his own devices; he is that dangerous," Lex said simply. He looked down at Clark again. "I've found that out the hard way, over the years."

Not once through any of this did he stop his rhythmic stroking of Clark's hair. It was like Clark was his lifeline to reality.

"So why Chloe?" Lois asked, going with it for now. "Back then it was Clark you were friends with, wasn't it?"

Lex laughed softly. "Oh, Lane, you misunderstand." He looked up at her with darkness in his eyes. "I did go to Clark. I went to him first. He was the only one I trusted." He smiled. "He went to Chloe for help because his parents refused theirs."

Lois stared at him in disbelief. "Why wouldn't they--"

"Because they believed Lionel and his lies over their own son," Lex said quietly.

"Why would they do that?"

Lex shrugged. "They were never comfortable with, or approved of, my friendship with Clark in the first place. Perhaps they simply didn't care enough to take the time to see the truth for someone who was the son of a man they loathe. It wouldn't be the first time," he ended tonelessly, looking away. "I may never know for certain what occurred."

"You don't remember? --Then how the hell do you know that?"

"I'd been running from Lionel, dodging his net, with Clark's help. Lana ended up injured while sheltering me." He paused. "Why would Clark have tried to find sanctuary for me elsewhere, if I was welcome on the farm?"

"...Why didn't you just go to the police?"

"They wouldn't have listened." Lex shrugged. "I was drugged to my teeth by that point, and they would have just handed me over to my father; why not? On the word of a sixteen year old boy alone, who his parents didn't even believe? The idea that a father would drug his own son into a nearly-delusional state purely for their own personal gain, because of an accusation that no-one else believed at the time, a claim decrying an act perpetrated decades ago that might not have even been provable. Why the mindgames, instead of just killing me outright, if it were true and I such a threat? What would hold him back, if he'd murdered family before? It all sounds insane, doesn't it?"

Lois felt a little ill. "It does, yeah."

She'd expected Lex to say something disparaging, but Lex merely nodded.

"And the second time... Clark wasn't there to help. He went missing," Lois said.

Lex nodded. "But I couldn't have asked him for help, not then. That second time, Chloe came to me first; she'd gotten in deep with Lionel and had wanted out, wanted help from me, succor. She helped fill in some of the gaps; I had more leverage than she did. It worked, somewhat." He paused and grimaced. "I don't think she ever quite forgave me for going through what she did that summer, and it all for naught, with Lionel getting off just like that." He gestured, and said " _Pardoned_ ," like a curse.

"Did you help get him out?"

Lex looked outright offended. "Of course not! I'd wanted his poison locked away and forgotten," he scowled up at her. "But I'd promised her it would be over once he was convicted; I'd promised I could protect her. I'd thought I could keep my word and..." Lex shook his head, unable to look up at her. "Chloe still walks around with a target on her back, to this day; she knows it, and I know it." He sighed and leaned back, settling in. "That will only end with his death, yet somehow he keeps skirting the grim reaper with startling alacrity even when backed into the most impossible situations."

"Sucks to be you, I guess," Lois snarked.

Lex laughed soundlessly.

"You have no idea," he said with a smirk, looking back down at Clark.

There was silence for awhile, as Lex seemed to calm down again, his eyelids lowering as if they were growing heavy. Then, out of nowhere, Lex said, very quietly...

"...He almost saved me from Belle Reeve, you know. Clark, that is."

Lois frowned at him.

"I don't think he realizes I know," Lex said, looking down at him fondly. "He has a thing about secrets, you see. He doesn't like it when I poke about after the fact. But, well," he smirked up at her, "two deaths and one rather serious injury of meteor freak inmates scattered all over Belle Reeve, who Clark personally had a hand in putting away? Power system failures right before my scheduled electroshock procedure? All on the same day?" He smiled down at Clark. "Not to mention that apparently I was not pulled from my cell where I was supposed to have been restrained to my bunk under a metal cage and leather straps, oh no, but rather out in the hallway, already loose, looking as though I'd been half-mauled in a fight?" He laughed lowly. "All the trademarks of a Clark Kent rescue that didn't go quite... right."

Lois' lips thinned. It occurred to her that this would certainly qualify as a really good reason why Luthor was a dom, and probably not into bondage... if it were true...

"It really shouldn't even have been necessary," he continued, not looking up. "The doctor was under Lionel's thumb, but Clark had still managed to talk her out of performing the unnecessary procedure somehow; she actually had cancelled it. And then of course," he laughed again, "the good doctor with the change of heart ended up in a car accident, dead that very afternoon, and the procedure was put right back on the schedule -- not for the end of the week as originally intended, but the very next day."

Lois stared at him.

"I don't blame him, you know," he said conversationally, continuing to watch Clark as he slept, stroking his hair very gently. "He was only sixteen. Sixteen. He knew exactly what he was up against, and he still..." Lex shook his head, suddenly looking tired as hell. "Even against his parents -- do you have any idea?" Lex looked up at her. "Any idea at all? How hard it must have been? Not just trying to fight Lionel, where greater men have tried with more and done far worse." He sighed and shook his head at her bleakly. "But for _him_ to go against _his own parents?_ Every day? For a _month?_ For _**me?**_ " he whispered. He looked completely in awe.

"And do you know, that if you ever managed to get him to talk about it," Lex continued, sighing, "He'd be morose about it, that he failed. At going up against Lionel. At sixteen, with no support from anyone really. Just one other teenaged friend who helped him find a little information here and there." He looked like he didn't know whether to laugh or to cry.

"I swear," he whispered. "Some days I just want to strangle him, he's such an idiot." He huffed out an outraged breath. "He went down into those collapsed tunnels for me, you know, while I was still married to Lana, and he still in half-a-rage and full-on denial about it. The papers tried to keep it quiet, no names, because the authorities were ashamed that their rescue units had pulled out first, while he went in and got me out, but that was him." He sighed. "He had no reason to. None at all. And many, so many reasons not to. But do you know why he did it? Why he said he did?" He smiled darkly. "He told me he did it because my father asked him to." He glanced up at her. "Lionel Luthor. A man I know Clark wouldn't take the time or effort to raise his head to spit upon these days, he thinks so low of him."

His smile quirked upwards crookedly. "Even after everything, all of it, broken friendship, broken promises, all the lies, the very best he could do to hold himself back, to fight his lunatic overbearing savior complex towards me, was to wait and wait and wait until he was given the smallest, meanest, tiniest, lamest excuse imaginable to come in after me. _That_ is how little it took."

Lex looked down at him, and Lois barely heard him say, "All he needed was one single lousy excuse."

He looked back up at Lois with hollowed out eyes and whispered, with a shaky smile, "Do you think I've given him enough of one to keep him?"

Lois' mouth suddenly felt too dry. She had trouble swallowing. "I guess you could just ask him."

Lex laughed a little hysterically.

Clark shifted a little, but didn't wake up.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lex wasn't sleeping well; he still hadn't let go of whatever was weighing on him.

Lois wasn't sleeping at all; she didn't like the idea of falling unconscious around a madman.

She didn't like the idea that Chloe might've left out something so important as Luthor not actually having been crazy before being stuffed in Belle Reeve, when she talked about him having been committed to the asylum.

(Whether he was completely out of his mind _now_ was kind of a non-issue -- he definitely was.)

The worst thing was, without documentation or reliable sources, none of it was fit to print.

Lex certainly wasn't enough -- he was biased. Clark would be too, and Chloe, if she could get anything out of either of them.

(And he had probably known that when he'd told her what he did.)

She really wished she'd stuffed her taser in her purse. She'd be feeling a lot safer with that on her person. Or that combat knife the General had given her for her tenth birthday, it was so perfectly balanced for throwing; she loved that thing.

Lois took a picture of the two of them, asleep, and sent it to Chloe, along with a text, "you see this?"

She got back a "hah cute but evil".

Lois took a deep breath to steady herself, then typed, "why was lex in belle reeve?"

It was a good two minutes before she got back, "ask clark"

"asleep!clark. you tell" she sent back, frowning.

Another couple-minute pause. Then, finally:

"l8r not on phone. liolu can tap"

Lois shivered.

She took another deep breath and let it out. She wasn't afraid of Lionel Luthor.

 _...Even if he was._ She glanced up at Lex.

Well, she had better things to do than watch boys sleep, even if they were devilishly cute. She got to work, texting her friends and friends of friends.

~*~*~*~*~*~

By the time Lex's driver got them into the city, Lois had the general outline of a plan.

...Well, more like a few recommended venues.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Ok," Lois said, after having roused Clark and Lex and gotten them out of the limo. She had them waiting on the sidewalk, not wanting to bring them inside until she was sure they were prepared -- or not, and she'd have to think of a plan B. "Here's what we're gonna do." She took a deep breath.

"I asked around, and I found a few places that, uh, cater to... stuff. There's one nearby." At the confused and amused looks she got from Clark and Lex, respectively she sighed. "Ok, maybe I should just start from the baby steps, since I don't want either of you freaking out if you see something that weirds you out, because a lot of this stuff can be mix-and-match."

"...Okay? What stuff?" Clark said. Lex nodded at her to continue, watching Clark.

"Right." Lois steeled herself, because this _was_ a pair of Kansas boy on her hands. "Soooo, show of hands, who here has heard of BDSM?"

Lex rolled his eyes.

"Oh, that stuff. What about it?" Clark said.

Lois stared at him, while Lex did a double-take.

"Uh, Smallville, you do know what BDSM means, right?" Lois said, once she got her voice back.

"Sure. It's like a portmanteau acronym or something," he said.

"Uh, sure, Smallville," she said, not sure what 'portmanteau' meant. "But it stands for--"

"Bondage-discipline, dominance-submission, sado-masochism," Clark said without missing a beat or going cross-eyed.

She wasn't sure what the look on her face was, but Lex's eyes just about bugged out.

"How the hell can you say _that_ with a straight face and can't get out the word 'sex' without stuttering?!" Lex demanded, practically glaring at him.

"What?!" Clark exclaimed. "That's not--! I don't-- _It's a totally different thing!_ " he said as he turned bright red.

Lex made a choking sound, and Lois just couldn't take it.

She leaned against the side of the limousine and started laughing hysterically.

Lex gave Lois an unamused look, before turning to Clark with an expression that clearly said 'I'm going to regret this, I just know it...' and then asked, tiredly, "How is it different, Clark?"

"It's _weird!_ " Clark said, crossing his arms. "And, you know, _stupid_. It's all... all... ropes and getting tied up and... and chains and handcuffs and bits in people's mouths and, well ...gay stuff too, I guess," he frowned. "It's not, _you know_ ...you know?" he ended, blushing again at the last bit.

Lex sighed and rubbed at his forehead.

Lois still couldn't stop giggling, not for the life of her. This was just too funny.

"So, just to be clear," Lex said patiently, "The sorts of things that would have you turning tail and running, or blushing up a storm, would be...?"

Clark shifted uneasily. "Um... I don't know. People, um... naked? Or all tied up? Or... doing... things..."

"So, no exhibitionism, voyeurism, open-air sex, visible bondage, or large stretches of bare skin," Lex summed up. "That probably leaves out most gathering places, and a few of the shops, but many of the stores should be... acceptable."

"...Are _you_ gonna be ok?" Clark asked.

Lex blinked at him.

"I mean, if they've got handcuffs or straightjackets and stuff on the walls..." Clark trailed off.

Lex took in a breath, then sighed. "It won't be a problem."

"That's not-- I don't want you feeling... uncomfortable," Clark frowned.

Lex stared at him for a bit, then said in a low tone, "I'll be fine."

Clark bit his lip, staring down at him intently, then frowned, but backed off.

"Um... did I miss something?" Lois said, finally able to calm down when the mood shifted downwards, practically off the edge of a cliff.

Clark looked at her. "Lex and straightjackets shouldn't mix," he said matter-of-factly.

"Is this about Belle Reeve?" Lois asked. She ignored how Lex straightened and his jaw clenched.

Clark just blinked at her and frowned a little. "Well... yeah, I guess. I was thinking about Club Zero, but, yeah, I guess you remember some of that, too?" Clark said to Lex with a wince.

"Most of the time I remember there wasn't in one," Lex said noncommitally, looking away and sliding his hands in his pockets.

"Club Zero?" Lois asked, glancing between them.

"We are not discussing that," Lex said blandly.

"Ok," Clark shrugged amiably.

"Uh, right..." Lois said, seeing a closed subject when she heard one. "Ok, so, what's the big deal with bondage and gay love?" she asked. "You aren't gonna be welcome most of these places if you're judgmental," she warned.

"If a bunch of gay guys--"

"--or women--" Lex interjected.

"--can't handle me thinking that stuff's icky, then that's _their_ problem, not--"

"--'Icky'?" Lois repeated, stifling a laugh.

"What? It is!" Clark frowned. "I mean, for guys not gay. I'm not gay. I'm _allowed_ to think that it's icky!" he proclaimed, throwing his hands up.

"Icky," Lois repeated. She caught a glimpse of Lex biting his lip slightly, looking away and trying not to smile.

"Right, ok, fine, that's fine Smallville, forget I said anything," she backed off before she burst out laughing again. "Uh, but what's wrong with getting tied up?"

Clark turned and looked at her full-on. He stared for a moment, then gave her a look like he thought she was _out of her flipping mind_.

"You--" One eye started twitching. He glanced over at Lex, who gave him a bland look, then turned back to her, rubbed his hands across his face, blew out a breath, and said, in careful tones, "Lois?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"If you're in Smallville, and somebody looks like they want to tie you up or something, I want you to promise me something."

"...Okay?" she said, wondering where this was going.

"I want you to call me, _immediately_ , and tell me where you are, so I can get over there and punch out the meteor freak who is about two seconds away from eating your face," he said in a level tone. Then he paused, and added, "Or maybe melting it off by spraying acid from his mouth, or something. Whatever. Don't do it. Getting tied up is _bad_ , ok? _Bad_ ," he repeated like he was talking to an idiot.

Lois scowled at him.

" _It never ends well_ ," he repeated, for good measure.

Then she tilted her head, crossed her arms, and began, "Metropolis--"

"--has it's own set of problems, and it's just as stupid to get tied up here," Clark said. "Seriously, just--" he turned to Lex, "Isn't this one of those Darwin things?"

"Darwin Awards?" Lex supplied calmly.

"Yeah, those."

"Maybe," Lex said with a thin smile.

Clark sighed.

Lex's smile twitched up at the corners.

Lois glowered at the two of them, then rolled her eyes and said, "Fine, whatever. Don't blame me if you get in an argument about bondage ties with somebody and a fist fight starts."

"Who's gonna argue over _not_ doing _that?_ " Clark said like it was the most obvious common sense thing in the world.

Lex made a strangled sound that was suspiciously laugh-like.

Lois eyed the both of them. "Ok, fine, let's get to the first store then," she said, turning and leading the way.

"You know," she shot back over her shoulder. "I don't get how Clark seems to be better acquainted with gay sex stuff than you are, Metropolis Boy," she directed at Lex.

"Are you kidding?" Clark said. "I grew up on a farm with livestock. My life was the Discovery Channel several hours a day, every day."

Lois nearly tripped over her own feet, and Lex started laughing out loud.

"What?" Clark asked, frowning and not getting it. "You have to keep the bulls from--"

"--Right, uh, never mind that, then!" Lois said, quickly, _not wanting to know_ , and changing the subject to, "So, how do you know about BDSM stuff? The internet?"

"Oh god," Clark groaned, "Are you kidding me? Chloe has mad search history fu; I'd've _never_ lived it down."

"Then how?" Lois asked.

"...I was in Metropolis for a summer, ok?" Clark finally said.

"What?" Lois said. Then: "--You bastard!" Lois exclaimed, punching him in the arm.

Clark flinched away, and his mouth dropped open. "I-- what--"

"What the hell were you _on_ , ending up in that cornfield--!"

"Cornfield?" Lex echoed, frowning between them.

"What...?" Clark said, confused. Then his eyes widened. "Hey, no wait--" he said, holding up his hands as Lois readied another punch. "Wrong summer! _Wrong summer!_ " he said. "It was the summer before that!"

"The summer--" Lois stopped. "What?" Then she frowned as she thought. Her head swiveled to Lex. "Were you in on this?" she asked, pointing at Clark.

Lex sighed. "No," he said flatly. "I was planewrecked on an deserted island in the Pacific at the time."

Lois opened her mouth to respond and stalled out. "--Huh?"

"Ex-wife number two," Clark supplied.

"To be fair, I didn't even realize that she was alive, let alone that it was her murder attempt, until well after I was rescued from the island," Lex said blandly. "At the time, I thought someone had sabotaged the plane trying to kill us both."

"This... this is an actual _thing?_ " Lois said, trying to wrap her mind around it. _He wasn't just kidding around yesterday, when he said--??_

"The first one -- Desiree -- was a black widow. Meteor freak with pheromone powers. She'd pheromone-zap rich guys to make them marry her, then meteor-power other men into killing the husband for her and taking all the blame, while she got all the money," Clark told her.

Lois' jaw dropped.

"You--" she started, then pinched the bridge of her nose. "God, I don't even-- _This is your life?_ "

Lex chuckled quietly, but tiredly.

Lois gritted her teeth. "Ok -- question for you Smallville," she said, rounding on him, because, since he was awake and here... "What's the deal with Belle Reeve?"

"Lex owns it now; meteor freaks go in and they don't come out; and if they do, then they don't survive a week on the outside before they're murdered."

Lois started, not having expected _that_ at all.

"For fuck's sake, Clark, as soon as I found out about Knox, I--!" Lex wheeled on him, stopping in the middle of the road -- and thank god they'd been taking an alleyway shortcut, or they'd have had an audience for what followed.

"It's not just him, Lex!" Clark spat back. "Alicia--" he visibly forced himself to stop there, breathing hard. He restarted with, "I know about Level 3, and Level 33.1, and all of it! I'm not _stupid_ , Lex. Nobody who goes in there ever gets better!"

"You don't know a damn thing!" Lex hissed back, fists clenched, standing at full height and getting in his face. Lois backed up a step at the vitriol that was practically steaming off them in waves.

"I know enough!" Clark ground back. "About those so-called escapees, who were _real_ talkative, and about Chloe's _mother!_ "

"Christ, Clark, I can't wave a fucking magic wand and make it all better!" Lex yelled back, so furious he was shaking. "Once they're in Belle Reeve, they're ultimately _my_ responsibility, under _my_ charge. I can't just shove those mutants in a cell, lock it, throw away the key, and call it a day. I can't just snap power dampeners around their wrists, wash my hands clean, and say that's enough -- and even getting _that_ far was a goddamn uphill battle, and half the time they don't even work and the poor bastards have to be drugged to their eyeballs with sedatives instead!"

Clark rocked back, looking shocked, but Lex kept going. " _The psychosis is from their powers,_ you _idiot_. They have to learn how to control them _properly_ , and how to consciously _stop_ , before they can make any mental health progress at all, _if_ they can, and they've got fucking _miles_ of trauma to work through, because even getting them halfway sane isn't enough, because then they have to deal with the fact that they _killed_ people. That doesn't take days, or weeks, or months, that takes _years_ or _decades_ , if they _ever_ improve _at all!_ "

"Moira would have been a fucking _godsend_ if I could have used her," Lex continued. "They can't learn control with the damn dampeners on, and half the time they need to have their powers _boosted_ before they can even _begin_ to get a feel for what's actually going on inside their own damn heads. If I had her for when they got out of control, she could have forced them to stop without anyone getting hurt -- primarily themselves above all others."

" _Used her?!_ " Clark shouted back. "You didn't give her a choice! You threatened her! You--"

"If I have to play the fucking villain to help those poor bastards back to sanity, then by god I will do so!" Lex spat back. "If I-- christ, do you _really_ think I wouldn't just do what Knox did before he sent them out, to all of them, if I could? My people can't figure out how he did what he did to reproduce it! They don't understand _why_ what little they _do_ know about what he did _worked_ for those that did! I can't just have them _randomly cut into people's brains_ in fucking _trial and error_ to see if they can _guess at_ what works without any regard for--"

"Oh, but _drilling_ into them is just fine?!?" Clark shot back.

Lex bristled at the comment, and god damn it, Lois had had--

" _ENOUGH!!_ " she yelled, shoving between the two of them. "That's fucking enough out of the both of you!" she screamed, levering her elbows in and forcing them apart. "You don't get to-- Goddamnit, Clark--" she said, starting with him, "You don't get to do this while I'm _right here_ and-- I have my own fucking shit, too, ok?! You don't see me fucking screaming at him about Wes and-- and him dying in my arms," she choked. "So don't you dare--"

"--What?" Lex said quietly, before rocking back on his heels in shock. "You... _You were the anomaly,_ " he breathed out, eyes wide as he backed up a step.

"You fucking _son of a bitch--!_ " she yelled at him, eyes tearing up. It took all she had not to rail into him.

"Jesus," Lex said, putting a palm against his forehead.

"You-- what you did to him--" Lois said, her voice shaking with rage.

"--is most likely something that, if I _had_ done whatever you are claiming, that I most certainly would _not_ be talking about in the middle of the fucking street with people who would have no clearance for _a nonexistent project I know nothing about,_ " he rattled back, and Lois hated that her jaw slammed shut at that, that her military upbringing had given her that automatic reaction to 'classified'.

"You--!" Clark started angrily, taking a step forward, but he stopped abruptly when Lois slammed a fist into his shirt and clenched it.

Because what Lex had implied had caught up with her.

She stated at him, pale-faced.

"Did you know him?" she whispered.

"Lois--"

She clenched her fist harder in his shirt, and Clark shut up.

"Not well," Lex said, watching her with a dark gaze. "I only became acquainted with him at your father's recommendation and through his introduction."

The bottom of her stomach dropped out, and Lois felt like her feet were encased in the concrete below them.

"He was a fine military man with an outstanding, impeccible record, who wanted to serve his country to the best of his ability," Lex said, then paused. He licked his lips, and seemed to choose his next words very carefully, measuring them out slowly. "I am sure that whatever task he chose to apply himself to... He would know exactly what he was doing, what he was getting himself into, and would make the right decision, a fully-informed one, before deciding whether to become involved and see it through." He paused again, then added, more heavily. "It would be my... _personal_ belief, that if he chose not to harm an... old friend in the course of his duty... that that was not _wrong_."

Lois shook her head, over and over, vision clouding with tears. She didn't want to believe it. He had to be lying, but she'd heard that tone so many times before, from her father... when she'd had a friend on a dark ops mission... explained in just that sort of way... and how they briefed people on how to say, without saying, what they couldn't say, just like that...

...he couldn't have ever wanted them to do, what they'd done to him, could he?

...he hadn't really known before, had he? they must have had to lie...

Lois felt Clark sway slightly under her fist as he seemed to start to, almost, get it. "Lex, what the hell..." he said lowly. Lex shot him a 'be quiet' look.

"So help me _god_ , Luthor, if you are lying to me..." she said shakily.

"I am not," he said. "But, on an unrelated note," he said, glancing down at his fingernails, "if you ever get the authorization for something you need help in tracking down to view, as a friend of you father's I would of course be happy to help you retrieve such records, assuming that my own clearance level affords me sufficient standing to have some influence in that regard."

Lois had to choke down a sad laugh, because she knew full well that Luthor could have made up or changed any documentation he wished.

...Except that she'd read enough military documents to know by now what should and shouldn't be there, and what would be out of place, and Project Ares _had been_ a military-funded project.

And she also had a feeling, when he glanced up at her, that he knew that she could.

She sucked in a breath and raised her head. "Don't think I won't hold you to that," she said.

"Oh," Luthor breathed, "I _plan_ on it."

"That doesn't make it right."

Lois turned slightly, and looked up at Clark.

"That doesn't make it all right," Clark repeated, fists stll clenched. "Things like that-- It never should have happened."

"Sometimes it is necessary--"

"No," Clark said. "No, it isn't." He gritted his teeth, trying to stay calm. "You keep doing these _crazy things_ \--"

" _I'M NOT CRAZY!!!_." Luthor screamed up at him, stomping forward.

" _THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID!!_ " Clark bellowed back, meeting him halfway.

And then they both froze, staring at each other.

Luthor, up at him in utter disbelief, turning dead pale and reeling backwards.

"What?" he whispered.

And Clark, suddenly looking scared, opened his mouth--

Lex took a step forward and, eyes blazing, mouth a thin line, still pale as hell, slapped his hand over Clark's mouth.

"Don't you dare," he demanded. " _Don't you dare_ ," he repeated shakily, eyes wide, and Lois heard in his voice what she'd been feeling in her heart about Wes.

Except for _him_ , it was his _sanity_ that was on shaky ground, about to break if--

"Don't you _dare lie to me_ and take it back, you-- you--"

Lex took a step back looking down, body hunched inward like he was almost in pain. "You don't know, you don't--"

He cut a hand across his body in front of him. "I have to-- someone does-- I can't--"

Angrily, scared, "I can't let him-- not again, I can't-- again-- You don't _know_ , you don't--" he said, looking up at Clark with a pained, tortured expression. "You don't-- know, you-- you-- _no_ ," he breathed out, flinching back at something in Clark's face. "You-- no, you... _know_... you--"

He shook his head and his brow furrowed, taking an involuntary step backwards. "You-- How...?"

"Lex--"

"No," he said, shaking his head, standing there. "You--"

He laughed slightly.

"You know. _I'm not crazy_ ," he said, his eyelids lowering as he rocked back slightly, looking tired and worn, and Lois saw half that weight that had been on his shoulders suddenly slip off, like it hit the sidewalk hard enough to crack it.

Luthor swayed slighly and laughed uncertainly, his mouth working but at a loss for words, unable to get anything out.

 _Why is it so important to him that Clark think he wasn't crazy--?_ and then Lois was derailed as she remembered what Lana had said he'd been crazy _about_ earlier the previous day. _...Aliens? --No. No way... **Aliens?!?**_

Clark looked scared as hell right then.

He swallowed hard. "Lex..." he said carefully, _too_ carefully, and started to take a step forward.

"No!" Lex said, backing up a step. "No," he repeated, shivering. "I--" he raised a trembling hand to his forehead. "I--"

"I can't-- I can't do this. Not now. I-- I can't listen to you--"

He turned around and walked away.

Clark looked scared and stunned and completely lost. He turned and stared after Lex. Suddenly, it was like he was waging an inner battle with himself.

He opened his mouth, then dropped his chin and clenched his jaw, lifting a hand to his head.

Then his head snapped up and he took a step forward in the direction Lex had gone.

Lois grabbed his arm.

Clark jerked to a stop, and his head swiveled around to her, wide-eyed and shocky.

"Clark--" she started, suddenly afraid for him and not even really sure why.

"I have to go after him," he said desperately and he almost balked at his own words. He shook his head. "Lois, I--" He bit his lip. "Please, _please_ just stay here and let me--" The next words almost seemed to cause him pain. " _I have to do this._ "

"...Ok," Lois said, letting go. "Ok."

Clark took a sudden breath in, leaning back.

Then he turned and was off like an arrow show from a bow, straight towards the sun.

~*~*~*~*~*~

He raced after Lex, trying desperately to catch up with him.

He was scared as hell, frightened beyond belief that maybe, somehow, Lex had realized in that moment that he...

... _what_ he was, not just what he'd been lying about.

Not just that one lie, but all of them.

He was scared to death, but even more so of Lex's leaving.

He had the horrible feeling that if he didn't go after him, _right then_ , that somehow, he'd never see him again.

So he ran after him, and saw him, and slowed.

Lex wandered the half-deserted alleyways and sidestreets, at a slow uncertain walk, and Clark followed a few paces behind him.

Finally, too tired to go on, Lex staggered to a stop.

So did Clark, a step late, and Lex whirled and stared up at him like he didn't recognize him.

"...Clark?" he said, wavering. "Why are you... here?"

"I--" Clark wasn't sure. "You ran," he said. "I... followed you here."

"...Why?"

"I..." _was worried._ "You left. I--" He frowned. "I'll go where you go. I--" He straightened a little, and said, with more certainty, "I'll come with you, where you go, I'll follow."

"You shouldn't..." Lex said uncertainly.

"Why not?"

"I..." Lex laughed. "I don't know where I'm going." He looked around and wrapped his arms around himself. "I don't even know where I am anymore."

"...Do you want to go back?"

Lex looked back at him, looking as uncertain and lost and alone as Clark felt.

"I, uh," he smiled and looked like he was going to cry. "I don't know the way."

Well, Clark did. He turned his body slightly, and pointed his arm like a compass. "That way."

Lex laughed slightly, in nervous reaction.

"I--" He took a shaky breath. "I--"

His smile slipped on and off his face.

"Ok," he said quietly. "Ok."

He swallowed. "Let's go back."

So they walked together, next to each other, neither really leading or following the other, back to where they'd first begun.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lex leaned against Clark a little as they walked.

After awhile, Clark put an arm around his shoulders.

...That just made it easier to lean on him. Lex felt ashamed.

He'd gotten lost in his own city.

Lex took a shaky breath in.

...and didn't pull away.

He didn't have the energy.

They finally made it back to Lois, who had apparently decided to wait there for them.

That was a surprise.

"You ok?" she asked.

Clark nodded once, twice.

It took Lex a moment or two to realize she'd been asking the both of them.

...also a surprise.

Lex generally didn't like surprises, but...

\--he opened his mouth to say, 'I'm fine,'--

...too tired to care...

\-- _fuck it_ \--

"No," he said lowly. "No, I'm not."

He felt Clark shift. He was probably looking down at him.

He lifted his eyes to Lois, who was frowning slightly.

"Is this place close by?" he asked. "I would like to sit down for awhile."

Lois nodded. "It's just over there," she gestured.

They moved down the alley, walked another half-block, and Lois pushed open a side entrance to what looked like an old converted warehouse.

Lex was just grateful for the elevator. He probably could've managed stairs, but he wouldn't have wanted to find out.

Up the elevator to the third floor, down a hallway, and through a door into a large open waiting area, brightly lit, with no chairs, just one long bench in the middle of the room and no other furnishings, in front of a large, long desk.

It didn't look comfortable.

Lex grimaced slightly, and leaned against Clark. They remained standing, leaning a little on each other, as Lois talked to the receptionist behind the desk.

A piece of the wall-to-wall desk counter was raised, and they were waved in past the break.

A door, seamless in the wall, opened inward at the push of an invisible button under the counter by the woman receptionist.

She smiled serenly at them, and Lex blinked as he caught the flash of a thin silver choker at her neck, with a tiny padlock at the base of her throat, before they stepped through the door.

They walked down the dimly lit corridor for a minute or so, then came to a door at the middle.

Lois glanced down at a business card in her hand -- from the receptionist? -- and knocked on the door three times.

The door opened.

They walked in.

Lex started at a cacophonious burst of laughter to his right, flinching into Clark's side.

Clark hugged him slightly closer for a moment, then relaxed.

As they walked down the winding maze of corridors, following Lois, who was frowning down at the card and not paying too much attention to the surroundings they were passing.

Lex, on the other hand, felt like a bird, cocking his head and craning his neck this way and that. There were many gaps of doorways along the twists and turns as they walked, and he caught a glimpse here of an opening into a large area filled with natural sunlight -- a break in the roof? a park filled with grass around a pond? were those ducks? -- there of a lounge with cushions littering a carpeted floor -- people lounging about in colorful costumes, feathers and sequens and leather and lace but walking too fast to really _see_ \-- over further a line of carts and stalls and shops -- like an underground city, sunk under a street, paved above with cobblestones, with gaudy clockwork men and women in Victorian dress gilded with gears and ipes and all sorts of odd machinery, mechanical gloves, rocket boots -- he wanted to stop and stare.

It was exotic and strange and not unlike some things Lex had seen, perhaps in scattered pieces here and there beyond, but yet like nothing he had ever seen before. It made him feel oddly out of place, that all this was in his Metropolis and he'd never known--

It reminded him of a dream.

He glanced up at Clark, who was looking about with open curiousity, but Clark kept a steady gaze, his head slowly swiveling about. He seemed to be just as enthralled with the dark, patched walls as with what he could see between the gaps.

The walls _were_ a bit interesting, actually, papered over with layers upon layers of old antique posters on one stretch, LEDs and copper wire and ribbons shot through the bare concrete of another, old peeling rose-patterned wallpaper, Van Gogh like murals ceiling-to-floor, flowered vines like a curtain along another stretch...

"It's like a painting," Clark said quietly, his eyes alight. "A living painting."

"A work of art in progress," Lex murmured back, feeling a small smile come unbidden to his lips.

Soothing piano accompaniment drifted from another doorway, from what looked like a ladies' solar room. A harpist joined in as they walked by.

Lex felt relaxed somehow, in the strange fey surroundings. His hands itched for his sketchbook and pencils.

He leaned a little more into Clark, and didn't feel any guilt or shame this time.

He was nearly asleep on his feet, his eyes blinking slowly closed. Alice In Wonderland. Dorothy and Toto and Oz.

"We're almost there," Lois said, pausing momentarily and taking a step back as a few children ran by in front of her through a five-way crossing. "The receptionist said that this is the most direct route."

Another three yards down their streetch of hallway, a right, and a left, and they pushed open a door. A bell chimed over their heads as they walked into a plain-looking store...

...that would not have been out of place on the main street of Smallville as an antiques shoppe, with wood paneling and layers of old Oriental rugs criss-crossed over every square inch of the floor.

The contents and arrangement, however, were not.

The walls were lined with every sort of fastening and tie and rope imaginable, leather- and cloth-work, belts and straps and gags, cloth squares for blindfolds dangling like dozens of handkerchiefs from a turntable rack in the corner.

The shelves were spaced well out from each other, between the stacks and to each other above and below. One could easily see between them, making the aisles almost seem more like walkways or paths from the open area at the front of the store -- with plush armchairs surrounding a large window and loveseat -- to the middle -- where a slightly larger circular indent into the floor was surrounded by arabian sultan-like cushions to sit or lay upon -- to the back -- where there apppeared to be another open space for lounging, and curtains to dressing rooms past that.

The back seemed to open into another area, in an L-shape. Clothing racks bursting with strange merchandise were visible, even from the front.

Lex paused at one shelf and reached out a finger to touch a leather-and-lace collar. There were many of them, of different materials, no two alike.

He realized Clark had drifted a little further on, his solid and warm weight no longer at his side.

Lex sighed softly, and moved forward a step, two, to catch up. Clark hadn't gone far.

When they made their way to the back, a woman in librarian glasses, perched on a stool, stood to greet them with a soft smile.

She escorted Clark and Lois into the clothing section -- not an L-shape but a U-shape, at least, there seemed to be another turn at the far corner across from Lex's vantage point -- and Lex gratefully sank into a very plush armchair just inside the open entryway and stretched out his legs, leaning back into the light musty scent of cinnamon and orange cloves with a long, untroubled sigh.

His breathing slowed and his limbs felt suddenly heavy.

He slowly smiled, then grinned to himself, even as the woman slowly made her way back, delighting in introducing the two younger adults who had accompanied him some of the wares to be found on the racks, with muted light motions removing and displaying certain pieces, explaining their strong and weak points, what else they might best match, with an eye on the tastes that might suit them each best, in preferences and coloring.

He heard the soft chiming of small tubular bells, sounding in intriguing tonal sequences behind him, though he'd seen no windchimes and felt no wind. It wasn't a recording, though.

He took his time, stretching in place, all his muscles in turn bunching up, tensing, then relaxing luxuriously.

He closed his eyes and breathed out a deep calm that only came to him with a bone-tired fatigue, body and soul. He wasn't going to be moving for awhile.

~*~*~*~*~*~


	3. Wherein Lois Attempts to Serve Lex a Reality Check

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: ...Clark Is Actually Pretty Ok With This, Thanks  
> Author: [josephina_x](http://josephina-x.livejournal.com/)  
> Fandom: Smallville  
> Pairing: Clark, Lex  
> Rating: R (because it sort of has vague references to themes of BDSM *shrug*)  
> Spoilers: References season 6 and previous, general spoilers for early season 7 and all prior. Diverges at the end of Wrath (7x07) when Clark goes to talk to Lex.  
> Word count: 26,900+  
> Summary: What if Lex decided to be a little more... evil... at the end of Wrath? What if he decided to punish Clark, for Lana's transgression? ...What if Clark _agreed_ to sacrifice himself for her sake? Would Clark break? Or would he... bend?
> 
> ...Hey, that would be a _totally crazy fic_ , am I right? --Unfortunately, this is not that. (Oops.) _Here_ , Lex kind of goes the other route. You know, the whole brotherly-love one.
> 
> So, instead, you get Lex being pissed about Lana treating Clark like her own personal bitch, Clark's "sacrifice" isn't so much of one, and everybody else is left standing around scratching their heads while Lana ends up doing screechy-harpy things which we don't have to hear too much about -- you're welcome. (Chloe does, though. Feel sorry for Chloe, and send her emergency chocolate cake, stat.)  
> Warnings: Un-beta'd. Still an ungodly amount of Lois POV. A little character-bashing (Lois towards Lex, but, yeah, he kinda _needs_ a bit of a reality check).  
>  Disclaimer: Not mine, not-for-profit.  
> Comments: Yes, please! :)  
> Author's Note: Lex still doesn't know what he's doing with the 'pet' BDSM stuff (what else is new?).
> 
> Like Part 2, this installment is kinda SRS BSNS for the sake of 'teh pl0t'. It should be a little lighter towards the end, but, yeah. I am slightly worried that this is trying to devolve into a Huge Ass Deal, because I caught myself researching episodes (and that never ends well for what are supposed to be 'frivolous' fics), so I'll try to be a little more off-the-cuff and not with the worrying so much from now on :)

~*~*~*~*~*~

When he opened his eyes again, Clark was seated at his feet. Clark's head was resting against his knee, and his breathing was slow and even.

Lois squatted down in front of him and held out a rolled up paper cone.

"There was a vendor selling roasted nuts three corridors down," she said. Lex gingerly took it from her.

"It smells wonderful," he said, the aroma of almonds and cinnamon sugar filling his senses, mingling with the orange-cloves-and-cinnamon scent from the chair.

"Mm, tasted good, too," she said. "I could only eat about half."

She pulled over a leather-cloth beanbag chair and flopped across it, belly-down, staring across at Clark as he slept.

Lex smiled into the half-full cone of 'leftovers' and selected a few nuts.

They were still a bit warm, and tasted even better than they smelled, the light oil undercutting the bitterness of the almond -- having absorbed some of the sugar, it seemed.

"This seems like a place one could explore for days," Lex commented.

"One of the women apparently runs a small hotel here," Lois said, looking up at hm. "They have a few suites open."

"God," Lex let out a quiet laugh. He let his head fall back against the cushions behind his head again. "Have you ever been here before?" he had to ask. "Or anyplace like this?"

Lois was silent for a moment. "There's an underground mall in Atlanta that's a little like one area I think we passed by," she said. "And I've seen a steampunk rave where a lot of people dressed up in weird Victorian mechanical suits and dresses, but..." she shook her head. "It's kind of a weird hodgepodge, right?" she grinned.

"Like a children's book filled with a century's worth of magazine cutouts," Lex said, sighing.

"Clark's been asleep for about an hour," she said, shoving herself up and then bouncing up and turning to drop down heavily again onto the beanbag plush, face-up, staring at the ceiling. She'd been all elbows and knees doing so, a tomboyish grace.

"I went exploring a little," she said. "You guys looked like you could use the rest. Still do."

"Did we fall off the edge of the planet into another realm, yet?" Lex asked, amusedly.

"...You have a really weird way with words," Lois said, frowning up at him. "You seem a lot more relaxed, though, like you finally let go."

"I'm not sure what you think I was holding onto," he admitted. "But I feel like the fire went out," Lex said dazedly, blinking lazily at the ceiling and feeling like there was nothing in the universe he needed to do but rest. "I'm just... tired."

"...the fire went out?"

"It's always there, never goes away, almost." He sighed and closed his eyes again, the odd swirling patterns in the metal ceiling tiles making him slightly dizzy. "I don't know why."

"You guys were yelling pretty badly before you ran off."

"It was just an argument." He frowned. "It shouldn't have been any different. Doesn't make sense," he murmured. "Less than Clark ever does..." He blinked his eyes open again.

"What'd he say when he caught up to you?" Lois asked, pushing an arm under her head.

"He didn't. Not really. Just followed me until I was too tired to run, and then we walked back. I... got lost."

"In Metropolis?"

"I know," he said quietly, closing his eyes again. "It shouldn't have happened."

He heard a rustling noise, and felt the almond cone plucked loosely from his hand.

"You were freaking out. It happens," she said.

"Not to me."

"Mm," she said noncommitally. "...You know, I never would've thought Clark believed in aliens," she said.

"I think maybe he used to, until it got too ugly," Lex said, not really thinking too hard about what he was saying.

"Really? Why?"

"He has all the old classics, stored away in the Fortress. Asimov, Heinlein, Dick, Herbert, Clarke. Bradbury, Le Guin, Orwell, Niven. Gibbs, Wells, Card, Verne, and Vonnegut, all." Lex sighed. "He has a telescope, and knows all the stars and constellations by name, major and minor." He blinked open his eyes and looked down at Lane. "But I've never see him reread any of those books for pleasure, or look through that telescope up at the night sky and just dream, not once since I've known him."

Lex reached out and drew his fingers through Clark's soft hair, like a caress. "I think it was the meteor shower. I think it was the both of them. They ruined it for him. The meteor mutations, the deaths, all of it."

"What ruined it for you?"

"The strange visitors," he said with a twisted, painful smile. "For me... I used to read comic books, Warrior Angel, protector of the peace." He laughed, and it hurt, desperately bad inside, like something was tearing apart. "But in real life the heroes are never that good, and nothing is ever that black and white." He clenched his jaw against the pain, squeezed his eyes shut. "Everyone gets hurt, evil never suffers, and not one of the righteous ever, ever wins." The painful smile pushed its way across his face. "People are only saved to prolong their pain, and those who are used..." His hand twitched and he pulled it away from Clark's head, balled it up in a fist held against his chest. "...if they are truly unfortunate, they live to regret it."

"...Is that really what you believe?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "But nothing ever seems to get any better. The more I look, the more the door swings shut. Sometimes I feel like I'm on the wrong side of the wall, and there are too many walls."

He reached his hands up and scrubbed at his face, shaking his head slightly, trying to lift some of the mental fog. "I... I'm not even sure what I'm saying, anymore," Lex said. "I..." He shook his head again, sat up slightly, frowning. "Clark strongly says he disbelieves in aliens; he has always said so."

"What's the fire?"

"Anger," he replied absently, then blinked down at her.

"It'll come back," she said. He frowned at her.

"I know that; it always does. I just don't know why it leaves sometimes."

"It's probably because you're too emotionally numb to feel it right now."

Lex blinked at her. "Why would you think that?"

"I've known some guys who were like that, who only stopped when that happened."

Lex blinked at her again. 'There are other people who feel like-- like they're angry, all the time?"

"Well, yeah. Hell, a lot of them end up in the army. What, you thought you were the only one?"

...Actually, yes. He had.

"How do they fix it?" he asked.

Lois gave him a weird look. "Fix it?"

"It hurts."

Lois sat up and looked at him. "That's..." She frowned, and...

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

Lois shook her head. "It's... nothing. Never mind." She tilted her head, tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear, and said, "Do you want me to ask around for you? ...How to 'fix' it?"

"If you wouldn't mind," he said, feeling a little less tense at the notion that perhaps something could be done, after all. He'd fairly given up, after the island.

"Okay, sure."

"Thank you," Lex told her.

She blinked up at him, then gave him a look. "Don't thank me yet; I might not hear anything useful."

"But at least you promised to try," he murmured, tapping Clark on the shoulder and saying his name a few times to wake him.

"We should go find those suites of yours and settle in for the night, I think," Lex said, slowly pushing himself up to stand once Clark had gotten up himself. "Did either of you find anything you liked?" he remembered to ask.

"Clark found a few things," Lois teased.

"Oh?"

Clark shrugged.

"Would you like to get them now, or tomorrow?" Lex asked him -- them -- both?

"Tomorrow," Lois said firmly, with a smile, "We can do a mix-and-match clothing run across stores for what we want to wear for the rest of the day tomorrow starting here first thing."

Clark blushed a little, and he and Lex trailed along behind, following Lois' meanderings down and around the hallways until she refound the lodgings she'd discovered earlier.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Ugh," Lois complained. "I knew I should've booked myself a room when I first saw the place!"

"I can't believe they're renting them so cheaply," Lex said, putting his credit card back in his wallet after signing. She felt kind of unlucky that he'd been 'first' in line before her, and that they hadn't found out until after he'd already purchased. If she'd gone first, she might've been able to talk Clark into staying with her and Lex finding somewhere else -- at which point, Lois could pick his brain at her leisure, without worrying about Luthor censoring him, or whether Clark might be self-censoring what he was telling her.

"My friends did the recommending, I'd damn well _hope_ it'd be in my budget range."

"The lady dormer said it was big enough for three; you don't _have_ to try and find someplace else," Clark said.

"I don't feel comfortable sleeping in the same room as him," Lois said, directing a thumb at Lex.

"But--" Clark frowned in confusion.

"If she won't be able to sleep, she won't be able to sleep, Clark," Lex said, pocketing the room key. "I'm hardly about to try and force her."

"Ok, but _why?_ " Clark demanded as they walked past odd wrought-iron work embedded in painted drywall on the way down the narrow corridor to their room for the night.

"Clark--" Lex tried to cut him off.

"Look, she gave you the list of numbers for the other places, right?" Clark asked her. "At least come inside and call them from here, just in case?"

Lois sighed, but he did kind of have a point -- it would be faster than wandering all over, and she could book on the phone if one of the two or three places in the 'area' worked out. Apparently there were another two floors in the building, a bit different than these.

"If you can't find a place, then you can stay here, and we'll work something out."

"Hey," Lex protested.

"I'll pay you back," Clark said. "You've got the Penthouse nearby; she doesn't."

"Or somebody could be a gentleman and walk me to a cab, and I can find a place on the outside," she said.

When all was said and done, Lois came inside, sat down on a love seat, called around, and wasn't able to get a room.

"I still don't see why--"

"Clark!" she rolled her eyes.

"There's even two beds!" Lex was already sprawled out on the larger one. "I'll sleep next to Lex. Why don't you want to take the other one? It's not like any of us are changing clothes or anything."

"Because Lex is insane and I don't want to worry about waking up with my throat cut or something, ok?!" she said finally, exasperated.

Clark stared at her.

"Lex isn't insane," he said flatly.

"Matter of opinion," she heard the subject in question mutter face-down from the bed.

"Lex!" Clark turned and protested at him.

"I hear that rich insane people are just called 'eccentric' so we all don't go after you with the butter knives," he continued, not even bothering to turn his head to unmuffle his voice.

Clark grumbled incoherently and collapsed into a huge, rose-petal-patterned comfy chair.

"He went to Belle Reeve for a stint and everything, didn't he?" Lois pushed.

Clark's eyes snapped open and his head shot up. "What did you say?!" he demanded.

Lois blinked at him. Lex slowly pushed himself up and looked over at him as well.

"I said--" she started to repeat, unapologetically.

Clark shot to his feet, and Lois stopped talking, realizing that maybe she'd pushed a little too hard.

"Clark!" Lex barked out, and Clark flinched slightly and turned to him.

"It's fine," he told Clark. "Just... let it go."

"It's _not_ fine, she--"

"I already told her everything," Lex said wearily, collapsing back down onto the bed, this time lying on his side.

"Well, then she obviously _didn't get it_ ," Clark said peevishly, frowning down at him. "Because she--"

And then Clark came to a screeching halt and rounded on her, eyes wide, and looking almost feral as his lips pulled back from his teeth.

"You're trying to use me as a _corroborating witness_ to turn _Lex_ into a _story?!?_ " His voice went through three octaves on the last word.

Lois flinched at the tonal range shift. "No, I--"

Clark looked irate.

"I just want to know what he was lying about!" Lois said, throwing her hands up then gesturing at the billionaire in question.

Lex sighed from the bed and rolled over, presenting his back to them both.

"I-- you--!" Clark sputtered.

"Oh for god's sake, Clark, just tell her your side of things, or don't," Lex said tiredly.

Clark glanced between Lex, then Lois, then Lex's back again, then threw up his hands and sat down on the side of the bed, saying, "Fine! Short version or long version?"

"How about both, in that order?" Lois asked.

"Fine." Clark said angrily. "Short version: Lionel is a jerk, and I wish he were dead."

Lois practically heard Lex's eyes shoot open from across the room. Lex slowly sat up and turned towards Clark, who was sitting on the edge of the bed and still glaring at Lois, arms crossed and fuming.

"Um..." Lois said.

"Clark..." Lex said, sounding a little strangled.

Clark turned to him, then nearly did a double-take and frowned. "Oh god, you're not _still_ trying to earn his approval?!" he said in tones darkening straight down to pitch black.

"He's my _father_ ," Lex said, somewhat noncommitally.

"Well, he sure doesn't _act_ like it."

"Clark, I can't just--!"

"--Yeah, actually, _you can_ ," Clark cut in. "If he doesn't treat you like a son, he doesn't deserve to be treated like a father!"

"That's easy for _you_ to say, Clark," Lex said, voice dripping with scorn. "You had Jonathan."

Lois had to blink, because woah kid Luthor -- daddy issues, much? She'd heard envy like that before... from some of the angry guys in the army who'd been in foster care and gotten placed in families that had 'real' kids already -- not adopted -- once or twice. How the hell had he ended up like _that_ as an only child?

"Yeah, _it is_ ," Clark said. "Jonathan treated me like a son, and he's my dad. If my so-called biological 'father' walked up to me on the street tomorrow and tried talking at me like he has been, I'd punch him in the face."

Lex stared at Clark in shock. Lois' eyebrows went up -- she knew Clark wasn't normally all that violent, and definitely not aggressive enough to throw the first punch under normal circumstances. Given Clark's repsonse, though, the guy had to be bad news.

"You--" Lex blinked once, twice, then shook himself and ran a hand over his head. "You know who your bio-dad is?" he said faintly. Clark winced away slightly. "Since when?!"

_Well, that's a weird tack to take... Why'd he focus on that?_

"It's... been a couple years," Clark finally admitted after a long silence, crossing and recrossing his arms. "It's not a great big... _thing_ , or anything, exactly," he muttered.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Lex said, eyes wide.

Clark shrugged, shoulders hunched up defensively, and looked away. "He's not a nice guy. I don't like talking about it."

Lois glanced between the two of them.

"What about your bio-mom?" Lex asked, pulling his legs up under him and giving Clark his full attention.

Clark pulled a long face. "Kara knew her before she died. I... I've kind of been afraid to ask, I guess," he said quietly. "I don't really want to know, if it turns out she was anything like _him_."

Lex slowly sat back, stunned. "Jesus."

"Yeah, well," Clark shifted uncomfortably. "Whatever. Anyway, Lionel doesn't deserve you, for treating you like he does."

Lex blinked hard, and looked like he mentally had to shake that one off. "You know, Lionel likes _you_ ," Lex accused.

 _Oh wow. **It gets worse.**_ Lois shuddered.

"Yeah, well, _I_ don't like _him_ , and I don't have to!" Clark said hotly. "And he _still_ keeps hitting on my mom!" he complained, angrily. "If mom didn't tell me she could take care of herself and get all angry that I-- ...well, I _swear_ I'd just-- just--!" And with that pronouncement, Clark let out a low, extremely frustrated, bestial _growl_ , flexing the fingers on both hands slowly like he was tearing into something... or some _one_.

Lex blinked at him.

"Uh..." Lois said. "Not to... interrupt, but... long version?" ...which was kind of a lie, because she really _was_ trying to interrupt before Clark worked himself up any worse over his mom -- she'd always had a feeling that she was one of his weak points.

Clark turned away from Lex and back to face her, then shifted his shoulders back and forth like he was trying to work the tension out, glanced over his shoulder at Lex again, then sighed in frustration, ran his hands through his hair, turned back to look Lois in the eye, and began again. "Right, fine, _whatever_. Long version: Lionel murdered his parents, Lex found out, Lex was gonna send Lionel to jail for it, Lionel didn't want to go to jail, Lionel decided to 'solve' this by going with wiping the information out of Lex's brain by whatever means necessary, and he thought it'd be a great idea to try and Stepford Son Lex when he was in Belle Reeve while he was at it."

Lex went white.

"So he went and drugged Lex's scotch at the mansion, and Lex started to flip out because, duh, he was being drugged, and then Lionel pulled some crazy shit like having people with guns break into the mansion by the windows in the library and scare the shit out of Lex making like they were trying to kill him. And then clean almost everything up perfectly so that when Lex told people, and then they saw the room all looking just fine, they'd think he was delusional."

Lex made a quiet choking sound from behind Clark and covered his mouth, still pale as a sheet.

"Almost everything?" Lois asked faintly.

"Yeah. Almost." He hunched his shoulders and pulled his legs up onto the bed, like he was getting comfortable because this was going to take awhile. "When Lex told me, I believed him and went back there looking. I found a shard of stained glass stuck under a piece of furniture that couldn't have come from anyplace else but the window -- Lex doesn't have glass lamps, or anything, and nothing else looked broken. Plus, the shade matched the window colors. So I believed Lex when he said the window broke and all that stuff happened, because Lionel totally could've gotten it fixed that quickly and bought everybody off."

Clark scratched the back of his neck. "Um, I don't know if the second one got hallucinated though; I couldn't find anything there."

"But, yeah, Lex grabbed a gun and ran off after some other stuff happened, and I was kinda starting to have doubts because he'd apparently been seeing this psychiatrist that I hadn't even known about, and..." he glanced back and Lex, then looked away. "And... I shouldn't have doubted him." He bit his lip. "But I figured out that he was being drugged, and I tracked down who was drugging him at the mansion and how, and made him talk, and kind of worked my way back up the chain making people tell me who hired who, following the money trail--"

"You-- what?" Lois half-laughed, because she could hardly believe that.

Clark frowned at her. "What? I can be intimidating."

"You're a teddy bear!" Lois laughed.

"Hey -- I helped you get away from your dad's black-ops chopper-people when he first showed up in Smallville, didn't I? I can take care of myself!" Clark glared at her.

Lois opened her mouth to protest... but then she realized that she hadn't been anywhere near him at the bombed-out house or in the fields, and he would've _had_ to have been able to hold his own, or else he wouldn't have been able to break away and escape along with her -- the General wouldn't have given orders to leave him out of the fighting -- he'd have had his guys grab him if they could, no kid gloves either.

And the General's guys weren't pushovers, either. She frowned at him.

"Anyway, I traced it back, but... it went bad. Lex showed up, we both almost got killed, and I..." He grimaced, then said, "I ended up freaking out and running away. And then Lionel's goons caught up with him and dragged him off to Belle Reeve, where I didn't see him for a month, because every time I went and asked to see him, and they said Lex didn't want to see me, I didn't realize that that was actually code for, 'Lex wants to see you, but Lionel doesn't want anybody seeing how he's making the doctors unnecessarily drug him to screw with his brain, so we're not gonna let you in'."

Lex looked like he was having trouble breathing for a moment.

"And when I finally got to see him..." Clark sighed and pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging them. "If I'd been smart, I wouldn't have gone to see him."

"...What?" Lex said faintly.

Clark turned and looked over his shoulder at him. "I should've just gotten you out right when they started stonewalling me, no waiting. Should've said 'to hell with it,' waited until dark, snuck in, and gotten you out _right then_. I should've known better, that Lionel would kill that doctor if Chloe and I tried to talk her out of continuing to mess with your head for Lionel. I didn't find out until two hours before the procedure that it'd been rescheduled, and that was Chloe's catch." Clark looked irate.

"And then those meteor freaks jumped me when I tried to get you out, when I should've done that _first_ , when there's still been time, and they beat you up, and dragged me off downstairs... by the time I got back upstairs, it was too late!"

He ducked his head down. "And then you were recovering from the electroshock, and when you _finally_ got out..." Clark looked about to cry. "I... I couldn't tell you, Lex, I... I just... --you wouldn't have believed me, you'd really thought you'd had a psychotic break, and... and you were so unsure and... and _fragile_ and... Lionel was watching you _all the time_. I... I didn't have any evidence of anything, not the stuff he did to you, not whatever you had had on what he'd done to his parents, none of it. If I'd told you, Lionel would've found out, and you wouldn't have been able to-- everybody thought-- he'd have just sent you back to Belle Reeve on nothing but his say-so and if he did you might not have even _fought_ him on it-- he might've killed you that time!" he cried out.

Lex reached over and pulled Clark to his chest in a sideways hug, and Clark began to sob, saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I should have-- I'm sorry," over and over again.

Lex closed his eyes and sighed out a breath. He started petting Clark's hair, rocking him, and he ducked his head to bring his mouth down by Clark's ear, whispering to him softly.

Lois watched as Clark slowly began to calm down, and she shifted uneasily on the edge of the loveseat.

...Clark had just corroborated Lex's story, and he'd made it sound even _worse_ than Lex had.

_Great. Either they're **both** insane, or... well, no, Clark's not insane._

But, jesus, the only alternative was that they were both lying, and there was no way Clark would lie about something like this. If he thought this was the truth...

...well, there might be the remotest possibility that Luthor could have screwed with his memories somehow.

_But if Chloe says **anything** like the same thing as the two of them when I talk with her..._

_Fuck,_ Lois thought, as she watched Lex comfort Clark, until he slowly fell asleep in Lex's arms.

Eventually, he glanced up at her, still pale, then looked away quickly.

"You looked... surprised..." she said slowly.

"We never really..." Lex said hoarsely.

"...talked about it," Lois said sourly.

"No," Lex said. "Not like this." He looked haunted and hugged Clark a little closer, then stared down at him. "Nothing like this. I..." He looked frustrated. "I told him, once, after Lionel was put away -- though short-lived the accomplishment -- that Chloe had filled me in on the events that I couldn't remember, of when I was sent to Belle Reeve, and the 'why' of it. He... apologized for not breaking me out... but..." Lex slowly shook his head, not looking away from Clark, who he was all but clutching to him by this point.

She watched Lex shiver and pull inward on himself a little. "I never realized to what extent Lionel had... could... play mindgames with me."

"Doubting your own sanity?" she asked, watching him carefully.

Lex grimaced. "I... don't know." Then he seemed to decide something and looked up, staring her straight in the eyes, fully-aware and _there_ like he hadn't completely been since yesterday when he'd been working off some real sleep.

"You want a quote, Lane?" he said intensely. "Here's one for you: I don't just believe in 'strange visitors', I _know_ that there are intelligent homicidal would-be world-conquerors running around on the surface of this planet, and not just of the normal mean _terrestrial_ variety."

"Repeat that to anyone in an attempt to bring about some end to me that might prevent me from doing anything to prevent such a planetary takeover, and I'll kill you myself," he said evenly.

 _Well, at least that's in character._ Lois stared at him. She caught the slight shiver and the way he was stroking his hand through Clark's hair as he said it, though. _The guy's a little unnerved._ "...You believe in aliens and you don't think you might not be sane?"

"There are some instances that it could have been possible for Lionel to have set up just to _screw_ with me, I will admit," Lex said quietly. "But some of them... there _are_ limits to what the meteor rocks are capable of," he nearly whispered down into Clark's hair. "There _are_ events that are explainable in no other way, that are absolutely beyond current human technological capabilities." He clenched his jaw, then glanced back up at her. "What do you know about Dark Thursday?"

"There was some kind of computer virus that took out the entire planetary power grid."

Lex frowned, and looked about to say something, but then paused a moment instead. "And the attack on the Pentagon that day?" he asked her carefully.

"What about it?" she said, her eyes narrowing.

Lex sighed. "Ask the General about the Department of Domestic Security and Project Starhawk sometime," he said, dropping his eyes.

"The-- wait, _those_ kooks?" Lois' eyebrows went up.

"You've heard of them?" Lex asked, glancing up at her.

Lois frowned. "Yeah, I've heard about them. So you've got some alien-chaser friends, big whoop. They're just crazy, too." She rolled her eyes. "Next you're gonna be telling me you believe in remote viewing and ESP."

Lex looked tired and halfway to offended. "They _aren't_ my 'friends' -- far from it. But as for the rest..." He gave her a small, wry, quirky smile. "Ask Chloe to talk to you about Lana and one late Deputy Watts, and De Kretser syndrome, sometime." Then he glanced down at Clark, and began to lay him out carefully on the bed. "And one Ryan James, when Clark isn't around to be upset at the memory of his death." He gently ran a hand through Clark's hair once he'd settled him, and glanced up at her when he was done. "Some of those cases didn't even involve meteor rocks, if you can believe it," he smirked, though it looked like his heart wasn't really in it.

Lois glared at him. "There are still a lot of projects on the books that are stupid and never going to get anywhere."

"Unless you can think of a way that my father could manage to create visible, intangible, ghost-like beings that can inhabit human beings, possess and take control of their bodies, 'gift' them with inhuman speed, strength, and _hovering flight_ , strengthen their skin to invulnerability against bullets, and then leave no trace of those abilities behind once that person is done being _used_ by them..." he shook his head and rolled his eyes ceilingwards. "Or manage to fake all of those properties in real life outside of a controlled setting..." Lex snorted. " _I'm_ going with aliens, given that I've actually seen or otherwise heard of spaceships in the vicinity at the time of occurrence for many of those instances, thank you."

_You think that you've seen something like that and believe you **weren't** hallucinating?_

But Lois kept that to herself. This was shaping up to be like some of her old 'assigned' stories for the Inquisitor. She'd 'interviewed' (talked to) loonies and liars and nervous wrecks alike. The former loved talking when they had a friendly ear -- they were after converts -- the problem was more gently keeping them on-topic and not rambling too far afield. Too much pressure or any imagined persecution would set them off. The liars, on the other hand, were smooth talkers, who wouldn't let a body off-topic and had an answer for everything, with a hungry glint in their eye.

The nervous ones were an entirely different story -- poor bastards on the edge of slipping down the long insanity slide, who had seen _something_ but for whatever reason weren't going with the saner explanations for things. They tended to be very defensive and all over the place -- they were generally smart enough to realize that what they thought was off, and could generally tell when people didn't believe them, and would sometimes get very paranoid if someone who wasn't a 'believer' listened too nonjudgmentally for too long -- and rightfully so, because they _were_ a step away from the loony bin if the wrong person heard them going off and let the men in the nice white suits know. They were nervous about talking, but still wanted to desperately. If anything, they wanted to even more badly than the loonies. They wanted to vent the stress they were feeling; they wanted it out of their heads, if only for a little while. They wanted someone to tell them that they weren't crazy, and that everything was going to be all right. The main difference was that they tended to relax and let a lot more slip if she managed to help them feel a little less crazy than they were afraid they were.

Luthor might be a liar, but Lois had a gut feeling that he actually really believed the vast majority of what he was saying, which was a little scary. However, he _acted_ like a weird mixture of loonie and nervous-wreck combined. Lois figured that the trick with him was to be not too judgmental, but still jabbing and poking at his 'theories' somewhat, enough to keep him from getting suspicious about continuing to talk -- just not so hard that he clammed up and shut down.

_Leading questions, but not too leading, because he's used to dealing with reporters, and I don't want him jumping back to Evil Suit mode. I guess I'll just have to play Little-Miss-'oh, I'm not a horribly-unfriendly ear who's gonna bite your head off, I promise to listen... are you going to tell me what you believe? you might even convince me...'_

So what Lois said in response to Lex's description of his hallucinated enemy-of-choice was merely a flat: "...You believe in alien ghosts. On earth."

Lex sighed heavily. "No, I believe that what I -- and others in my employ -- have had the most difficulty in chasing down and capturing is a type of alien being that can best be described as a ghost-like entity when moving outside of a host body." Lex began massaging his temples. "There have been many more of them that have been perfectly solid while running around mass-murdering people, thank you."

Lois couldn't help but bark out a short laugh. "You... you've been trying to ghostbust aliens? Alienbust?"

Lex frowned at her. "No. Not in person; not much. I don't have the time to do it all myself; I've had to delegate quite a bit because I need to keep LuthorCorp running," he said, perfectly serious.

The grin slipped off of Lois' face and she stared at him. It was no longer funny.

"You're actually running around killing off--"

Lex grimaced and waved a hand. "I have people dedicated to tracking down current threats and... well, outright strangeness. I have others who I can send into the field to deal with them when they are of the mass-murdering variety. I have far more of the former than the latter." He rubbed at his eyes. "There's a great deal of satellite coverage and security footage to search when you're trying to find past and present events, let alone trace the possible connections between them."

"Ok, so. Just to be clear," Lois said slowly. "What you're telling me is that you have a worldwide spy network, your own personal cadre of wetwork agents in the field, and have been trying to create your own small army corps of superpowered soldiers, and you _don't_ think this is going to make people nervous?"

Lex frowned at her. "It's not a spy network; I'm not trying to steal the secrets of any government or foreign nation." His eyes narrowed. "And I'm not trying to run my own assassination business, either. It's just surveillance and eyes on the ground to track strange circumstances and inexplicable events, and try to corral the worst offenders -- that's all."

"Come on, that's just... semantics -- it totally is! --All this crap you've been doing? It's right out of the supervillain's handbook for Steps On The Way To Overthrowing Your Government And Taking Over The World, Part 1!"

"Oh for god's sake, Lane! --I work with your father! Do you _really_ think the General would let me do anything like that if he knew about it?"

"Does he?"

"Of course he does! I've asked for his input at many stages!"

Lois' mouth dropped. "You're fucking kidding me."

"I assure you, I am not."

"So what, you've actually had this conversation with him? He knows the whole stretch, and about all the --the 'alien stuff', too?"

Lex winced.

"Yeah, I didn't _think_ so," Lois said matter-of-factly, crossing her arms. No way would the General believe in _aliens_. No way. I mean, _really_.

"Just because I haven't necessarily discussed the _entire_ big picture and endgame with him, does _not_ mean he does not approve of my methods and the internal checks and regulations against abuse of power I have put in place, or that he does not trust that I would not--"

"You've been sending people places to kill other people," she cut in. _Because you feel like it, and because you can. What the hell happened to the police? The law?_ But she couldn't say that right now because that'd start an argument over vigilante justice and get off track -- _his_ failings.

"Capture, mainly, if possible, but I don't want my people unnecessarily risking their lives when they're up against homicidal psychotic freaks of nature, either."

"Uh huh. And how many times have you actually pulled off a capture-not-kill?"

"Very few," he said acidly, almost angrily -- and sounding a little unhappy about it, though that was weird. "Most often because the targets in question either disappear and pop up elsewhere, surface as corpses before they can be subdued with nonlethal force, or _murder my own people_ ," he gritted out. "I shudder to think what would happen if any of the local authorities ever tried to deal with them on their own. We're woefully unprepared as a species to handle these threats, currently."

Lois frowned at him, because he sounded like he was contradicting himself. "If they're such a threat, who's killing these people off, then?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I can guess that some of it is territorialism between the aliens, but it looks like there are at least a few unknown agents out there actively hunting down these things," his mouth twisted downwards, "Possibly for sport."

"Besides you."

"I've mainly been tracking them, and I'm _not_ doing it for 'fun' -- it's a necessary thing," he repeated, irritated. "I try to only send in my people when it becomes apparent that the indigent population is wholly incapable of dealing with them in any capacity or are otherwise unable to drive them off on their own."

Lois wasn't sure whether to feel somewhat relieved that his approach wasn't 'shoot immediately, ask questions never' with freaky-humans or his so-called 'aliens' -- assuming he wasn't _lying_ , anyway -- or annoyed that he was deliberately holding off jumping in to help when he saw a problem until the bodycount left in the wake of whatever lunatic mass-murderer-of-the-week he was tracking was heaped high enough to pass a certain threshhold. ...God, this was giving her a headache. "--And what about the ones you find that aren't all homicidal and everything?"

"There are very few of those, but I only have them tracked and watched. No contact of any sort. I'd rather not risk their feeling threatened and lashing out when they seem perfectly happy remaining non-hostile," he said. "Whether the tendency to 'live and let live' and just get along is uncommon in those other species or human-variants, or whether it's simply that much harder to find the anomalies when they aren't lighting up the region with strings of murder reports, is a question I'll leave to the theorists."

"Great. You've got your own little worldwide 'spy-police' setup, then," she said sarcastically. "You must be so proud." _And I don't even want to think about how many laws that might be breaking... assuming you aren't bribing the regional politicians for amnesty, or to just look the other way._ Stupid international politics. "How do you even get away with this with the locals?"

"Surprising as it may seem, when a village in a third-world country finds itself fighting off things that go bump in the night, or monsters unafraid to show themselves in the full light of day, they tend not to be too picky when a group of well-armed well-meaning individuals show up, look around, and ask if they would like some help," Lex said with a raised eyebrow. "Particularly when said group of individuals acts professionally and with courtesy, does _not_ rape and pillage the locals, chases off only the source of their misfortune, and then leaves without demanding money, getting all preachy, or trying to force some regional change of one type or another."

"And what about the first-world countries, like, oh, I don't know --here?" Lois glowered. "You don't expect me to believe that the FBI and police just stand aside and let you do your thing."

Lex pulled a face, looking ill-at-ease. "Granted, it is more difficult to keep things quiet in cultures like ours where nearly everyone is a half-minute away from a Youtube upload of shaky video from a cameraphone. But most people outside of Smallville don't know that monsters or ghost-like beings actually exist. Oftentimes the police in those areas will simply assume whoever's on the end of the line is drunk or high, take the incident reports, file them, and forget them.... until they find the dead or mutilated bodies once it's too late. When groups of people start giving the same stories, is the point at which they start struggling and straining to fit it to a 'better' explanation, like mass hysteria, or poisonous mushrooms in the food that caused hallucinations, or gas line leaks."

He waved a hand. "I won't go into details of how I have my people work it out, because I'd rather you not find corroborating circumstantial evidence of what I've been doing. Sufice it to say that the most difficulty I find in those situations is, believe it or not, in making sure that those involved don't end up believing wrongful accusations that the help I am willing to provide is part of a cover up for some failed LuthorCorp project."

He glanced away. "Though I suppose it if came to it, it would be better for me to be accused of having created those monsters in a terrestrial fashion, rather than people discovering the truth. I'd like to try to avoid a mass panic in the general populace; I don't think anyone is ready for the idea of aliens among us, especially unfriendly humanoid ones that may sometimes be hard to distinguish from said general populace, that apparently also sometimes enjoy eating people."

He looked at her dead-on. "These things might be tough to track and even tougher to kill, but the real damage I'm worried about from these lesser aliens is the possibility of societal collapse. It's one thing to feel unsafe but have a clear enemy that is easy to spot. It's another to be looking at the people at your left and right, and wondering if they're one of the enemy, and being unable to tell."

"Psychological warfare," Lois said with a shiver. _Take every bad alien movie in space, toss them onto an Earth's-surface backdrop, mix and stir and shake..._

"Yes," Lex said grimly.

She was glad she knew he was out of his skull, because she'd probably be having nightmares otherwise.

...It made her wonder if _he_ had nightmares about this stuff.

"So, really? You've never had any problems with any of the locals at all?" she said, looking at his askance.

"Ah, well." He coughed once, sounding a little embarrassed. "There was this one time in London."

"Oh?"

"Mm. Well, long-story-short..." he paused and ran a hand over his head. "My people heard rumors in London of a group of... worshippers, for lack of a better term, who were apparently really excited about having gotten their own 'in the flesh' visitation." He grimaced. "I was worried what might happen if an alien got some sort of cult following and gained a foothold in the region and, well... ah, it turns out it wasn't an alien..." He looked a little embarrassed.

"No?" Lois bit back a smile. "What was it?" she asked, expecting a funny story about gnarly root vegetables or a demonic face on a piece of toast or something.

"Well," he sounded a little strained. "Apparently, ah.... apparently demons actually do exist."

Lois blinked at him.

" _I know_ ," he said, throwing up his hands and looking almost pained. "Not only is magic real, but apparently it's not just a random, isolated thing lost to the mists of time and history. ...We actually, uh, got in a little bit of a scuffle with a few of the local practitioners who were there to shut down the worshippers and clean up the mess who, ah," he cleared his throat, "who weren't all that pleased to find a bunch of neophytes running around trying to deal with handling what they considered to be a situation that was effectively _their_ job to suppress."

"You're shitting me."

Lex winced and shook his head. "I was a little horrified at the time--"

"You were _there?_ "

"Well, given the possible far-reaching social consequences of the presence of a resident 'alien god' in a first-world country, it was what I considered a major incident, so yes," Lex explained. "But, well, it sort of worked out for the best. They effectively kicked us out citing 'unwanted, unwelcome, and unnecessary meddling in the area', but before they did, I was at least able to manage talking them into giving us enough information to help my people distinguish between the magical, mystical events and threats and everything else." He gave her a weak smile. "Mostly by a rather roundabout way of blackmail, promising to try to stay out of their way if they gave it to us, and implying somewhat the opposite if they didn't."

"Right." Lois gave him a look. "And there's a difference between demons and aliens."

"Well, yes." He got a bit of a faraway look. "Demons apparently travel here from completely different planes of existence. Those planes are connected to the earth, in a matter-of-speaking. Aliens, on the other hand, come from different planets in the same plane."

"What, like fairies and elves?" Lois snorted.

Lex blinked at her.

"What? When people think 'magic'..."

"...I will admit that at the time I was not thinking of pixie dust and butterfly wings. The creature we encountered was very much _not_... that," Lex said. Then he frowned. "You bring up a good point, though," he said, tapping his lips absently. "English folklore _does_ refer to such creatures living 'under the hill' and a hierarchy of faerie courts. ...I wonder if that other realm is really just a portion of land on another plane of existence, and them another type of _intelligent_ demon with an actual governing body. Hm." He looked pensive.

"Any of these 'magic guys' sign on to help you out with your 'alien problem'?" Lois couldn't help but to ask, feeling almost amused.

"Hm?" Lex said, refocusing on her from whatever he'd been thinking about. "Ah, no," he sighed, sounding a little disheartened. "They seemed rather uninterested in associating with a non-magic-user in a leadership role, let alone helping one out, and when I broached the topic of other threats, they seemed throughly disinclined to get involved in any way with 'normal' events that involved the uninitiated. I tried to broach the subject by asking if certain 'mythical' artifacts and species existed, to see what they would say, and they all laughed when I brought up aliens. I didn't press the matter further, because I didn't really think they'd believe me."

He paused a moment before adding, "Though I think I've begun to rebuild a few bridges, at least, as when we receive intelligence on those events we've identified as 'their problem', I've sent that data along to them for their edification. ...I still haven't managed to convince anyone to send along much practical knowledge on magic yet from their end, just the odd tidbit of information here and there, but I remain hopeful. The bits about salt and iron have been pretty damn effective so far. I've love to get my hands on a few tomes on magical history and theory." His hands seemed to be itching again.

"I thought you just said you were staying out of 'magical' things," Lois frowned.

"In England," Lex said. "--well, and most of the Isles. I've managed to poke a few of them into giving me regional contact information for a few other countries and continents, to pass along threat intel as well, but North America apparently has very few magically-inclined human beings, for whatever reason. The closest we have here are a scattering of native american shaman and one or two witches, apparently, and most of them are either currently in-training, or more spiritually inclined and not really of the fighting-sort. I've had to more-or-less take responsibility for the region in that regard."

"Great..." Lois muttered.

Lex shrugged. "I suppose it explains why Isobel got as far as she did -- Lana left France rather quickly after being possessed by her, before anyone could catch up to her, and the European types generally don't seem to care about magical problems once they leave their region. ...On the other hand, I had to work through a few rather disturbing conversations with the Chinese about her visit to Shanghai a few years back. They feel rather the opposite about that sort of thing -- they have more 'open' borders, but would rather blame the regions themselves when bad influences cross the borders; they expect others to solve their problems internally, as they do in turn." He winced.

Lois stared at him, then frowned and said, "You actually believe in magic?"

Lex frowned right back. "Didn't Chloe and Clark fill you in on how you were possessed by one of Isobel's coven that Halloween night three years ago?"

"What?" Lois frowned. "I thought that was a joke!"

"It's no joke," Lex said. "Lana was possessed for nearly a year. Nearly every time Isobel surfaced, someone was killed."

Lois stared at him, then shook her head.

"Just ask Clark to fill you in," Lex said tiredly. "He was more involved in the whole mess than Chloe was."

"What, I can't ask Lana?"

Lex sighed and rubbed at his eyes. "Lana's disinclined to talk about it in the first place, and secondly, she had blackouts when Isobel took control of her body -- she doesn't remember any of the time when Isobel was possessing her. Besides, if you ask Lana without a good reason for wanting to know otehr than curiosity, she'll know that you're asking because I brought it up and she'll just lie out of pure spite."

...Well, considering their fight the day before, he probably did have a point there. "So, what, you're really telling me that you think Lana was possessed by an alien space ghost witch?"

"No," Lex frowned, "Just a human ghost witch." Then he blinked. "Oh god, I hope there aren't any aliens that know magic. Just dealing with their innate abilities and advanced tech is bad enough," he said sounding horrified.

Lois rolled her eyes. "Maybe they'd just go one way or the other? Science or magic?"

"God, I hope so," Lex said, rubbing his forehead.

"Uh huh," Lois said, eyeing him. She wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, at how completely seriously he was taking everything. _Magic and aliens. Pfft. --What's next, Bigfoot? God, I'd probably end up with a lecture on evolutionary splits and who knows what else._

"So, what do you tell all these people who are working for you to get them to track down magic and aliens and crap?" Because, really, who would respond to _that_ want ad, besides the _really_ tinfoil hat kooks?

"I tell them the truth -- that we're searching for and cataloguing all possible terrestrial and extraterrestrial threats on earth."

"And they go for that?"

"Well, yes." Lex grimaced slightly. "...It's a bit odd actually. The new science and tech staff tend to start out huge skeptics, but by the time they're done looking over the sighting reports and the evidence... It's like watching a switch flip over in their brains. Some of them get rather fanatical about it all." He looked a little put-off. "I've had to put in place disconnects between some of the sections simply because I've started to become worried that if they talked to each other directly, they might decide to... well, mutiny and start running ops behind my back. I don't want the threat network getting away from me -- especially not the response teams."

"Mutiny?"

"...Sometimes I feel like the only conservative voice of reason and caution in the room when I'm directing things," he said sourly. "I've had to stop asking for opinions from the staff -- just opinion papers included the daily briefings -- because I'd start having to get into yelling matches during on-site meetings about how, no, doing the sorts of things that were being 'strongly suggested' would be too proactive and going too far." He started massaging his temples. "I can't lose control of that section. I need the intel, and I can't have a witch hunt. Alien hunt. Whatever," he muttered. "It'd be a bloodbath, one way or another."

_Woah. Luthor has converts? Zealous converts? ...He has to be making all this up, right?_

"But Lana said you have no evidence," Lois said, frowning, because if he really expected her to go down the rabbithole with him...

Well, ok -- **she** _had_ been the one who had originally picked the suggested venue, and it was _probably_ coincidence that the only open hotel room remaining looked like someone had decked it out with furniture out of a Lewis Carroll novel...

Lex looked irritated in the extreme, though, and he slipped off the side of the bed to pace, before abruptly sitting down at the edge of the loveseat farthest away from her, rubbing his arms surreptitiously, and seeming a little... nervous, almost.

 _Oh, for god's sake. I **am** dealing with a lunatic. Why am I surprised?_ "You really don't have any evidence," Lois said flatly. _Then what did he supposedly show these people he says he's got working for him?_

"I _used_ to," he grumbled sideways at her. He dug the base of his palms into his eyes. "I... I don't have anything conclusive _now_. I had artifacts which I had tracked down at great personal expense, stolen. Records, wiped. Even lab analysis reports have gone inexplicably 'missing'." He held his hands over his face. "Not that paper records could serve as conclusive evidence, given how easily such might be written, changed, or otherwise faked, without the original test material to back up any claims."

He ground his teeth together. "I _had_ the Black Ship that came down during the second meteor shower. --And no, I cannot claim after the fact that I know for certain that it was of alien origin, I can think of ways that that might have been faked, in retrospect. But it would have taken a tremendous amount of time and resources to do so."

"Which Lionel has."

" _Yes_ ," he gritted out, and Lois suddenly saw the problem.

"You're not even sure if half your evidence from before is half-baked, because he's taken screwing with your perception of reality to an art form before," _\--with the library thing._ "You don't know if he might've been doing it again with some of this."

Lex grimaced and dropped his hands, stared down at the floor in front of him. "Yes," he said quietly. "I hadn't even considered the possibility before, but after what Clark just said..." He glanced up at Clark's prone, slumbering form, and looked pained and worried.

Lois blew out a breath. _This is weird._ The loonies never second-guessed themselves, and the nervous wrecks... well, they sometimes admitted to the possibility of being wrong, but they sure as hell _never_ talked about what 'facts' they might be reassessing. They pretty much always focused on their 'truth' and shied away from everything else as 'too unexplainable' or 'possibly a cover up because of X' or 'not having reviewed the data themselves' or what-have-you.

 _Wow._ "Ok," Lois said, mind racing, "How do you think this black ship could've been faked?" _...Had Lionel really done that?_ \--What reason would Lionel have for something like that? Could this be some mixture of Lionel trying to drive Lex insane, and Lex being delusional enough to fill in the rest? Could he be having some kind of paranoid schitzophrenic visual and tactile hallucinations? _...It is possible that this is leftover from Belle Reeve -- or maybe **because** of the unnecessary shock treatment, if I believe the two of them?_

" _Might_ have been faked, not 'could'. I don't know _how_ for certain," Lex sighed out, leaning back on the seat. He rubbed at his forehead, still not looking at her. "The lab reports I got back said that the substance the Ship was constructed from was of similar composition to the meteor rock. --The crystalline portions of it, not the surrounding ferrous ore. Lionel has been working with and mining the material for more than a decade, nearly two. There are other veins of the crystalline metal with differing coloring than green, such as red. Black can be made by heating green at very high temperatures." He sighed. "It might be possible to somehow work the raw material -- or one specific form of it that I may not be aware of as yet -- in such a way to produce a nearly frictionless surface of that coloration, with those properties."

"And that also kinda assumes that somebody hasn't been fucking with the lab reports, either."

"Yes." Lex agreed, running a hand over his head. "But I saw the Ship when it was outside of the warehouse where I was storing it, as well as in, and all the way in-between. It _floated_." He turned his head and looked at her. "If there was some way to have set up magnets... that could be faked, but not over that much distance, varying terrain, instrumentation..." He shook his head. "At the very least, my watch would have reacted to an EM field strong enough to float something that large and solid, with that much inertia, and I never noticed a constant field like that -- and believe me, I was paying attention."

"Not a constant field," Lois repeated, "But there was a field?" she picked up on.

"Sometimes," Lex said. "It was giving off odd signal-like waves that disrupted the security equipment the day it vanished from the warehouse I had had it stored and studied in. --And the surface _was_ frictionless," he added. "Or very nearly so. That didn't need complex machinery to feel or test." He sighed again. "But the meteor rock is so strange... I suppose I can't dismiss the possibility that they might actually have such properties that might allow for a frictionless surface... or floating."

"What about the inside?"

"It... may not _have_ an inside if it really was a fake; all I have are verbal reports to the contrary. It was closed when I got to the site. I couldn't get it open." He seemed to stifle a groan and his fingers twitched like they were itching to grasp something he couldn't reach.

 _How convenient._ Lois frowned a little at him. "So, you're not sure."

"No." Lex glanced her, then away. "Not anymore."

"What about the... falling out of the sky part?" she couldn't help but ask, curious how he'd explain that one away, if he could, since the claim he was making was that he'd thought he'd actually gathered up something that had supposedly came from outer space.

"I did have it pulled out of a crater, but there are many materials and forms that are strong enough to, say, survive a drop from an airplane at high altitude," he said, waving it off. "And there are ways to 'bundle' a person up such that they could survive a fall in such a structure, even if they had a human-like frailty," he shook his head. "Not that those two did."

"Those two?"

He turned his head to look at her, rubbing his temple. "I ran into them briefly; I believe you did as well. Lana mentioned that she distracted them and pulled their attention away from you, tricking them into following her to the mansion." The latter was more of a question.

"Uh, she tricked a pair of pretty damn strong Ren Fair rejects who hurt Mr. Kent into dropping me and leaving, yeah," Lois frowned, absently rubbing her throat. "I mean, yeah, they looked and acted like a couple of space cases, asking about a Cal L., and yeah, they had superpowers, but..."

"They didn't look, dress, or speak in an outright alien manner. They even knew English. It isn't anything like conclusive evidence," Lex ended for her.

"Well, yeah." She was pretty impressed by the fact that he seemed to be doing a pretty good job of trying to be all logical about it, even though the idea of aliens on earth was completely insane and that was what he was going with.

" _I know_ ," he said, gesturing with his hands upwards and sounding aggrieved. He collapsed backwards farther into the soft cushioned back of the loveseat with a soft huff.

"...I think I'm starting to see why you might be so angry all the damn time," Lois said, watching him.

Lex let out a soft, pained laugh.

"I can't just stop, Lane," he said quietly. "If I'm right..."

"And if you're just delusional?"

Lex grimaced and leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees. "If I knew I was delusional, I'd find someone else to run LuthorCorp -- _not_ Lionel -- and go have myself committed, if I had to." He looked over at her. "I couldn't in good conscience run the company while knowing I'm not in my right mind -- the business employs thousands of people!" he said with a frantic gesture. "If I was... was believing things that weren't true, without basis in reality, I'd make bad decisions. Wrong ones." It actually looked like the idea scared him. "I'd end up hurting people. Destroying livelihoods." And now Lois wanted to punch him in the face again, because he was already doing that, damnit!

He turned away and held his forehead in his palm. "But I can't not do _something_ if I think I might be right. No-one else is doing what I am--"

"--really fucking horrific things, you mean; let's be honest here," Lois said, crossing her arms and glaring.

Lex hissed in a breath through clenched teeth. "It's a little difficult for me to weigh certain types of ethical concerns as highly important when I am measuring them against the very real possibility of the extinction of the human race." He glared at her sideways. "It puts things in an entirely different perspective."

"Yeah, well, when your so-called 'cure' is worse than the possibility of a 'disease' that even _you_ admit may not even exist--"

"Christ, Lane! You make it sound like _I'm_ the one trying to subjugate and enslave the entire human race and then slaughter us all off!" he spat out, sitting back and throwing his hands up in the air.

"Well, what the hell was with the dead army under the dam?!" Lois said angrily. "You locked all those people in there and they drowned! Who were they?!"

Lex stared at her blankly, and then his mouth dropped open. Then he snapped it closed and started to pull on a blank look.

"Oh, no," Lois said, pointing at him. "Don't you dare! You did that, to people, with families--"

"I didn't--"

"You--!"

"--There were no families!"

"So that makes it ok for you?!" she hissed at him under her breath. "That you chose people who were alone and took advantage--"

"They weren't alone, they--" He looked like he wanted to laugh, strained. "They weren't 'they'."

"What?" Lois was lost. "What the hell does that mean?"

"Goddamnit," he said quietly. Then: "It wasn't my idea to start with. Lionel... it was his project, at the very first. He... he funded the research for the original tech. I..." he grimaced. "I was just trying to turn it all into something workable, I... --Using _people_ for the process wasn't working, not even when they went in fully informed and were completely uncoerced, totally willing to start with."

Lois didn't get what Lex was trying to say about Lionel, but the second part sounded far too familiar. "Key word being 'to start with', yeah?"

"...Yes," Lex admitted. "And that was part of the problem."

"Yeah, 'cause you couldn't let them go, could you--" Lois said quietly, starting to build up a head of steam.

"Not like _that_ , no," Lex muttered. "They were, quite literally, test subjects, a step above human guinea pigs." He scrubbed at his face. "Fucking internal review boards to the nines, full psych workups prior, multiple rounds of testing, all of it, to try and weed out all the potential problem cases beforehand, and we _still_ ended up with far too many mentally unstable failures. Frankly, I still can't say whether it was more the process that caused it or the people who cracked."

Lois, about to lambaste him, barely stopped herself as she realized that this was one of those times to wait. The son of a bitch was actually talking it out.

"A good half of them just... stopped," he continued, staring off into the distance. "No motivation, they barely made the effort to keep _breathing_ on their own. Most of those we caught before it went too far in; we could reverse the first few steps of the process of imbuing superhuman abilities -- the mental groundwork for allowing the power control. The first one like that didn't recover, is still a vegetable; we updated the process, focusing on what seemed to go right with the others, tried drawing out the process longer so we might be able to catch anything that might be going wrong at earlier stages when we could do something about it, tried _many_ things. The next two failures after that went completely insane and killed themselves." He grimaced. "We were lucky after that -- all the others who we were able to catch early have gone through a slow but steady recovery and are, more or less, back to their original mental states, as far as my people have been able to determine."

Lois clenched her teeth and made fists in her lap and told herself that Luthor sounded numb, and maybe a little freaked, and if she jumped on him and started screaming at him about how monstrous he was right now, she'd never hear the full truth...

"Of the rest..." he shook his head. "Many of them just... slowly went psychotic, similar to the meteor psychosis." He shook his head. "They believed they were now 'better' than everyone else, that they didn't have to do what they were told, all of it."

"I thought you were putting in mental controls where they had to do what you commanded," Lois prompted after he'd stopped for too long, after _she'd_ counted to twenty twice and was fairly sure she could get it out without screaming obscenities and otherwise waking up Clark.

"That was at the very end. We only had one real success." he grimaced. "If you could have called it... him... that."

 _Wes,_ she thought.

"That's why I had both tracks," he said tiredly. "I needed a backup. Using people... People were just... too unstable. The mental controls became necessary to force compliance during missions when we would have them off-base, unrestrained--"

"You could restrain them?"

"We had to be able to. Too many just... came out wrong and needed to be locked away. I wasn't about to create a worse problem than..." he shook his head. "Of the few remaining that were willing to go through the process and came out fairly mentally unscarred, far too many of those started to become... nervous."

He sighed. "I think that when they saw what happened to the others, they became afraid that we'd just... 'scrap' them all, lock them away, regardless of apparent sanity, because they would be too dangerous to let loose to roam the common streets with abilities like that. Not to mention the temptation they'd have to live with. --They weren't stupid, I think they realized before any of the rest of us did that it was the temptation of no limits that drove the others quite literally power-mad."

"We'd been working fast, because we'd had that rash of new alien activity across the globe, since Dark Thursday. I'd had my people tracking down as much of it as possible, but it had been the most dangerous ones that we'd still failed to catch or kill." He grimaced. "The ones we found that had 'fallen' to earth, landing in craters, were all deadly killers, every last one. I don't know if they were sent to test our capabilities, or to try and soften us up before the main wave."

"We didn't have full protocols for removing the powers yet, or removing the mental structure that, more or less, made them act like programmable smart weapons, who only took orders from cleared individuals. We were working on it, but... we weren't there yet."

He laughed slightly, and Lois clenched her fists and nearly punched him. "It's almost funny," he said. "But, I never would have thought that those goddamn terrorists would be helpful in some way."

"Terrorists?" she prompted lightly.

"The so-called League. The 'Justice League'," he said, and she could literally hear the quotes. "Damn bastards stole terabytes of data from LuthorCorp-attached facilities across the globe, and then blew them up. Half the information processing capability of my company went up in a puff of C-4 smoke, " he gritted out, opening a hand like a flower, or releasing a cloud of dust. "Took out _my_ damn guards on their little terrorist strike excursions. They were just regular building security personnel, _people with families_ ; many of them died, some are still unconfirmed missing simply because my people haven't completely cleared all the rubble, and some of those explosions vaporized large sections of the buildings that might've been populated. To say nothing of the injured," he said thinly. "They crippled the manufacturing infrastructure in many places, too. Luckily, only a few of those were key facilities; I've spend a great deal of my time trying to make every facet of my company as self-sufficient as possible, while trying to spread out some of the unique capabilities for redundancies."

 _Yeah, boo hoo, they've been out blowing up your secret evil labs and there was some collateral damage that you're probably playing up. You probably never even warned any of those guards what they were getting into, what they were defending, or they never would've gotten involved,_ she thought acidly. She didn't like the ramifications of what that might mean about what the League considered necessary casualties, though -- _if_ Luthor wasn't lying. "Well if you hadn't been doing what you'd been doing in the first place--"

"What? Trying to run my company? The vast majority of the facilities they hit had to do with daily operations, not the labs dealing with the alien-defense projects that you seem to find so disgusting, and Clark thinks unnecessary." Lex shook his head. "It was fairly obvious that they were trying to cripple the company as a whole, from the viewpoint of an outsider looking in without internal knowledge of my company and how it works."

"They... what?"

"Oh, you're surprised?" he looked up at her. "Well, let me be clear, then: it was two parts destruction, one part terrorism, and one part corporate espionage. Your vigilante friends are as dirty as they come. They weren't trying to stop any so-called malpractice of mine, or they'd have been attacking other companies as well, that inflict _far_ worse human-rights violations. They didn't. They never have."

"They've never gone after the factories that pump out toxins into the air and water without a care for how they're destroying the local environment and slowly poisoning to death the people that have to live there. They've never lifted a finger to stop the corrupt-as-hell shell companies whose sole existence is to launder money, or serve as warehouses for illegal drugs. They've never gone after the dregs of Intergang or Edge's consotrium --now _those_ are some people who could use a little liberal introduction via nearby detonation to some high explosives," Lex said with a little laugh. "No. Your so-called heroes of justice don't do _any_ of those things. They _only_ ever go after LuthorCorp-owned or affiliated facilities, and if I had to make a wild guess, I'd say they're probably funded by Oliver Queen, but don't quote me on that."

"Oh? Why no quote?" Lois said sarcastically.

"Because while Oliver is and always has been a bully, and just about as rabid in trying to tear me down personally as the League has ever acted towards LuthorCorp, he's not a _complete_ idiot." Lex rubbed his eyes. "I wish to god he was, because I would have found the damn money trail by now. Even worse, the technology leaps his company has made recently in areas similar to LuthorCorp's main strengths are _just_ different enough that I can't prove that he bought the data on related tech research from the League, that they in turn stole from me. I can't _prove_ **anything** ," he said, sounding deeply, deeply tired. "Not yet. Maybe not ever. Which fucking _gets_ to me, but if I have to fight a war on three fronts, I'd rather lose the human one if it means winning the one where I am able to wipe the aliens out before they kill us all."

"What's the third front?" Lois asked, feeling a little stunned.

"Lionel and his machinations, of course."

"...Of course," she echoed.

"Speaking of which, I'd recommend sticking to your attempts at writing LuthorCorp exposes, if you were thinking otherwise. I'm less likely to bomb the building you work in if I decide I don't like what you're doing, than the League is."

"I'm not afraid of them."

Lex snorted softly. "You should be. They're an ill-tempered lot, and even I, with all the resources available to me, have barely been able to slow them down, in a manner conducive to a lot of people _not dying_."

"Why would you care about what happens to me anyway?"

"Clark likes you," he said. "He thinks you're annoying, but he likes you. Chloe's your cousin, and the General is your father, and, well, it adds up."

"And what do you think?"

"I think you're interesting. And dangerous, but that's not surprising, given your family and connections." He looked away.

"...You think I'm interesting?" Lois wasn't sure what to make of that. It made her feel a little uneasy... or unsure.... or nervous. Or maybe a little flattered, but that was stupid, and she squashed that. Lex Luthor was not somebody anybody should feel good about impressing, not with his track record and seriously lacking moral code.

"I've a few contacts at the Metropolis Inquisitor. I've read your articles."

 _Oh god, not those,_ she mentally groaned, suddenly having a bad feeling of why he might've been so talkative with her. "Well, I hate to burst your bubble, guy, but _my_ articles didn't have aliens in them. The editors put those in."

He blinked at her. "I know," he said patiently. "I have a few contacts at the Inquisitor."

There was a pause.

Lex sighed. "You actually have some odd sort of integrity. Despite the fact that you knew what your editors wanted, and they most likely pressured you to sensationalise your articles, you didn't give in. You wrote them straight-laced, as best you could -- or at least it seemed so, to me. That implies a particular set of ethics that drives your actions, and stubbornness, and resolve. --Again: dangerous, but interesting."

 _Wait, he's talking to me when he **knows** I don't believe in aliens? That makes no sense._ Lois frowned at him. "Ok, and so, what, is that the reason you're talking to me about all this shit?" _Integrity? Really?_

Lex's eyes seem to light up for a moment. "Now, why would you think something like that, Miss Lane?"

Lois glared at him. "This isn't light stuff. Even if I wrote this up and you sued for libel, slander, whatever--"

"Libel, for written word; slander for spoken."

Lois gave him a look, not really needing the vocab lesson. "--you'd still be under a lot more scrutiny, and not just from the League. So what gives? You're taking a big risk, thinking I won't go around writing things and blabbing around to people. Like, you know, the League, for starters."

Lex narrowed his eyes at her tilted his head. "Do you really want to know?"

"Yes!"

Lex gave her a long look.

"Yes," she repeated, crossing her arms.

He seemed to come to a decision, nodded once to himself, and then said, "You started dating Gabriel."

Lois blinked at her. "What does Grant have to do with--"

"Everything."

Lois frowned at him in disbelief and confusion.

"I suppose we may get to that... later. Eventually. For now, I'll just say that I have a vested interest in him, and--"

"He sold out? _To you?_ " Lois felt disgusted.

"--I would either feel the need to split you up, or somehow bring you into the fold-- _no_ , he has not 'sold out'," Lex ended in quiet exasperation, then paused. "He'd _better_ not have, at any rate. If he has, I certainly don't know anything about it."

"Where the hell do you get off making life decisions for another perfectly capable grown adult man?" Lois slammed back, thinking of how that had turned out for Wes.

"I don't," he said, exasperation sliding into the realm of irritation. "But I consider him family, and he, me."

Lois stared at Lex and felt a little sick. The ide that Grant might somehow feel in any way related to Luthor _at all_ \--

"Stay away from him," Lois demanded.

"No."

"You--!"

"You can certainly try to attempt to pressure him to cut me out of his life, Lane," Luthor told her, looking down at his wrists and straightening his cuffs. "But I'd recommend against it. I very much doubt that would sit well with him."

"Why? Because you'll come down on him like a ton of bricks?" Lois felt scared now -- for Grant.

Lex just looked unbelievably tired, and almost sad. "Lane-- ...Lois," he said quietly. "Have you ever heard of me doing anything like that? To anyone?"

"Wes," she said immediately.

"No, I-- damnit," he said, running a hand over his head and glancing away for a moment. "Not-- Forget the projects for a damn moment. I know I can't expect you to believe me when I say that I only took willing participants for those, and that... I suppose I, and the project scientists, should have been more careful to realize that some of them would most likely change their minds partway through, because the process itself involved altering their mental state."

"Not them," he said. "But... anyone else."

"Clark," she said.

Lex looked at her blankly for a moment. "What-- christ, --wait, this?!?" he said, gesturing and glancing at Clark on the bed, and then sitting up straight and staring at her.

"Maybe you're trying to treat it like a dare or a bet, or whatever, but _I_ bet that's not really what you said, --right?"

Lex looked stymied. He looked away, towards Clark, lying on the bed, asleep, then said, "I can't say anything about that right now. That won't end well."

"Why?"

"Because you'll shout it to the rooftops and--"

"I'm not gonna promise you I won't say anything--"

"Of course not," he sighed.

"--not blind, anyway."

He stopped and stared at her.

For a moment he looked almost angry.

He leaned towards her. "If you do promise not to say a word--" he stopped, clenched and unclenched his jaw. "You had best not break that promise without clearing it with me, first, or for anything other than a previously discussed reason."

Lois frowned at him. "And if I don't promise?" she challenged.

"I'll probably be kicking myself for years," he muttered.

Lois frowned at him. She didn't really believe he'd tell her anything important. Hell, she _especially_ didn't believe that he'd leave her alone even if she did promise something like that, but if she said she would then at least she'd _know_ and, well, Lois could take care of herself. Chloe had warned her about digging into the Luthor's business, but she wasn't about to let that stop her.

Chloe wasn't around to get caught in the crossfire right now, anyway.

_Oh what the hell; he probably won't leave me alone after all he's blabbed about already. What's one more thing, that mightactually even help Clark if I knew?_

So Lois said: "Well, then?" and pretty much egged him on.

Lex's eyes narrowed.

He considered her for a very long time.

And then he said, "The agreement -- his life for Lana's -- wasn't my idea. Clark came up with that."

Lois blinked at him. Then she frowned and said, "You had to have prompted him," because that didn't sound very Clark-like at all.

Lex started, about to argue, then frowned. "I... suppose I did, but that wasn't my intent."

"What did you say?"

"...A life for a life."

Lois' eyes narrowed.

"Then who the hell were you referring to?"

"...I take it Clark never told you how we met," Lex said, turning sideways on the loveseat and tucking a leg under himself, twisting around to face her completely.

Lois frowned at him.

"You are a crazy bastard."

Lex smiled, sliding his elbow up over the back and propping his head up on a fist.

"You obviously haven't ever had to deal with an irate Clark barging in on you at all hours, screaming accusations about god knows what, and feeling an obligation to let him vent it all out, regardless of circumstance."

"Well, maybe if you didn't keep pulling the stupid shit he's feeling the pretty justifiable need to yell about you about..." Lois said with zero sympathy, because if it was anything like what had happened out on the street...

Lex's eyes narrowed. "He's not always right, you know."

Lois snorted.

"No, you misunderstand. There have been many times when he has made completely false accusations against me."

"Yeah? And what did he say when you told him it wasn't you?"

Lex gave her a smile that was more a baring of teeth. "Do I look stupid to you?"

Lois narrowed her eyes. "Yeah, you do. So I guess that means you didn't set him straight, then."

There was silence for awhile.

"Idiot," Lois added.

Lex looked like he wanted to strangle her.

"I don't have to defend myself," he gritted out. "I... I shouldn't have to. Not to him. And I seriously doubt that he would even have believed me if I _had_ told him."

"Why the hell not?"

" _Because he doesn't listen_ ," Lex sneered out. "I can't have a civil, sane, _rational_ conversation with him when he's the least bit upset with me. Quite possibly because he refuses to even consider the _possibility_ that he might be wrong, even the least little bit on the smallest of matters!" he ended, tossing up his hands. "He has made it _quite_ clear that not agreeing with his beliefs is tantamount to being _wrong_ , which invariably leads to arguments that I not only cannot win, but cannot even ask for a stalemate on. He refuses to agree to disagree, let alone attempt simple, basic understanding or trying to see things from my point of view in _any_ given situation or circumstances."

Lois glanced between Lex, who was holding his head in his hands, and Clark, asleep on the bed.

"He's a hypocritical, judgmental ass, and a horrible liar!" Lex ground out. "He lies to my face. I've caught him in horrible ones, even when he knows I know differently, and _still_ he persists in the lie."

"...And you think this and are friends why?" Because it was kind of obvious after today that they were, and never really stopped -- they just stopped talking, and (mostly?) getting along.

Lex gave a laugh that came out more of a choked sob. "Because he actually gives a damn about me. Because he keeps saving my worthless fucking life." He gave a pained laugh. "Because he's _Clark Kent_. And I can't... I just can't..."

"Let go?"

"He is the _only_ thing in my life that makes the least bit of sense. The _last_ thing that ever did," Lex confessed to her. "That bridge... going over the rail. I died, you know. He gave me CPR. I remember being dead. I was..." he shook his head. "I was _free_ , for awhile."

"...and then you weren't."

Lex licked his lips and shook his head. "He was the first strange thing that happened to me in that fucking town, and every day since then everything's gone upside-down and backwards and sideways and in-all-ways a fucking _nightmarish mess_ ," he said.

"Sometimes," he said, "Sometimes when I first wake up, I think that maybe I'm really halfway dead, still on that riverbank. Or maybe comatose in a hospital, somewhere, because I shouldn't have survived that. Or, hell," he laughed shakily, "still stuck in Belle Reeve, all completely delusional and jacketed and dosed and locked away, because none of this alien shit really hit until after," he said, lifting his head and throwing his arms wide jerkily. "There were bits and pieces of oddness, but _nothing_ like..." He got a pained look and seemed to shut down almost.

"If you ever tried to describe to anyone outside of Smallville of the existence of meteor freaks and what they can do, without being able to bring them to town and just show them, they'd never believe you. Not even Metropolis," he said quietly, and flatly, and with fervor. "They'd think you insane. Most people who'd survived Smallville and got out would start second-guessing themselves, if they lived and stayed outside of town long enough. They'd certainly try to forget. _That's_ how I fucking feel about this alien business," Lex said venomously. "But _I_ don't have the luxury of just forgetting. I have the means by which to do something, and I know enough about the situation to know that it needs doing, and that makes me responsible."

"No, it doesn't," Lois interjected.

"Yes, it does," Lex said, looking her in the eye. "Someone needs to do something about it."

"Why does it have to be you?"

"Who else would it be?" he said, taken aback. "The military? _They_ came to _me_ for help!" he said, gesturing at his chest. "They provided funding to help pay for projects that _I_ envisioned, _I_ designed, _I_ oversaw. --And I can hardly trust them with everything; the first thing they'd do if they knew everything I did and were given full control would be to demand I turn over the meteor freaks in Belle Reeve. They already have powers, and the military would surely think it best and easiest to simply brainwash _them_ into killing machines. Because they do _love_ their expediency," he spat out.

 _And **you** aren't trying to be 'expedient'?_ "Why wouldn't you want that?" Lois said, frowning, wondering if he really _hadn't_ been doing that to them -- could he actually have been telling the truth earlier about Belle Reeve?

Lex stared at her in disbelief. "The majority of them have been -- were -- _are **teenagers!**_ " he hissed out, horrified with her. "Most of them -- meteor psychosis is _real_ , they ultimately can't be held responsible for their actions while subject to it. And it wasn't their fault in the first place -- they didn't mutate themselves on purpose!"

"And the adults?"

Lex grimaced. "They have been generally less... flexible than the youths. They tend to enjoy the killing and use of their powers more and are wholly unapologetic for their actions, in contrast to many of the teens who did not mean to hurt anyone. The vast majority of the adults would be perfectly willing to recommit and are generally angry at being caught and confined, while a good many of the less-psychotic teens are _relieved_ when their powers are dampened." Lex ran a hand over his head. "All that said -- no, it still isn't their fault, either. They did not ask to be mutated, and from what I hear the vast majority of them were unassuming, sane law-abiding citizens before they were mutated by the meteors."

"And this stops you... why?"

Lex stared at her for awhile, then said through clenched teeth, "The vast majority of them are not of sound-enough mind to be able to make rational decisions about what they want or need. They aren't capable of making an informed choice about their own health and well-being. I have to do that for them. Being forcibly enrolled in a program that's barely a step up from a military concentration camp and programmed to become living weapons against their will is _not_ in their best interest."

His eyes narrowed. "And it certainly wouldn't stop there."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Lois said.

"Some meteor freaks gained their powers immediately -- during one of the two meteor showers," Lex said slowly. "But some of them-- especially the teenagers -- tended to gain their abilities only _after_ a _second_ exposure to meteor rock." He took a breath. "And some were _born_ that way to parents who were exposed during one of the two events."

Lois frowned at him.

"You really don't get it, do you," Lex said under his breath. "Everyone mutates from exposure during the showers. _Everyone._ It's only the _degree_ of exposure that determines whether someone exhibits powers. I'm not the only one who knows -- Chloe's done extensive research on this. You yourself could walk into Smallville Medical and ask for a basic rundown on the 'normal' elevated white-blood-cell count for everyone in the region, and its effects." He clenched and unclenched his jaw. "Literally every person in town these days has that elevated count, and as a result they are stronger and more fit than the average person, and never suffer from common ailments. They hardy ever get sick, as a start."

"...And this isn't a good thing?"

"No!" Lex shot back. "Haven't you been listening to me?! A second exposure activates the latent mutation! ..Jesus christ, do I really have to spell this out?" he muttered. "If the military decides to grab the meteor-freaks, they won't stop there. The _whole town_ will be at risk! They'll want to experiment, and when they realize how useful some of those mutations can be, and how diverse the results of the mutations, they'll want _more_ , and _that_ will mean grabbing every last resident of Smallville. And then _forcing_ active mutations in them. --You, me, your friends working at the Talon -- _everyone_ you know in town."

Lois' breath caught and her eyes went wide. "They can't do that-- they-- Won't!"

He gritted his teeth. "They damn well _can_ and _will_. Not everyone is like your father _and you know it_." Lois flinched. "And once the other branches like the CIA and NSA get involved..." His eyes bored into hers. "Some of those mutations would be _perfect_ for assassinations, or gathering intel. Telekinesis, teleportation, an ability to shift or vibrate through walls, telepathy -- I've seen all of these exhibited through meteor-rock-induced ability, and they're the _least_ powerful of the bunch. The ethics in other agencies of the executive branch don't have quite the grounding morals of much of the military," he warned. "And it doesn't take a wide swath of corruption, Lois," he said quietly, intensely, "It only takes _one_."

Lois shivered. This was... this was insane. _Evil._ How could he _think_ that...

"Lionel found one willing meteor-freak to try and kill your cousin before she could testify, and he subverted the boy," Lex said. " _One._ And then that boy _slaughtered_ the guards at the safehouse where she was staying. He had 'blades' for hands, going up against _professional guards with guns_ , and they were incapable of holding him off. He hadn't even been _trained_ ," he said. "Most people who don't know about the freaks just lock up, paralyzed, because they can't even _process_ that what they're seeing is real. He was probably counting on that, when Chloe and Clark have been surviving the worst the town could throw at them for years prior. From what I heard, she and Clark still only barely fought him off -- they got lucky."

He shook his head. "It won't be like that if the freaks get pulled into the military-industrial complex. They'll _get_ that training, and them some. Military training. And the only way to 'manufacture' more is to start with irradiating the people from the town. ...And _then_ ," he grimaced, "then once they run out of _us_ , they'll have to start trying to mutate people _without_ the original exposure, and that generally causes the Jitters in normal people, like it did in Earl Jenkins. --You can ask Clark and Chloe about that, if you really want to know more, but..." he shook his head.

"But the _real_ nightmare will start once someone figures out how to mutate people who _weren't_ in the original meteor shower," Lex continued. "And once they figure out that people with even a latent mutation will give birth children with non-latent mutations... --when _that_ happens... then there will be no going back. They'll be grabbing and mutating whoever the hell they want, and force-breeding the rest. We'll have a virutal slave trade in the United States, a second-class race of possibly-psychotic human beings with abilities beyond the norm, subjugated for the purposes of the corrupt powerful elite." He looked almost sick.

"And _someone_ at _some_ point will think it's a _great_ idea to try and make a black market out of irradiating meteor powers into those who can afford it -- maybe without the psychosis, maybe not -- alongside the slavery. We'll have the high, and the low, and everyone else caught in-between, and when revolution comes, we'll tear ourselves as a race apart from the inside." He rubbed his hands across his face. "And that doen't even _begin_ to consider the ramifications on the rest of humanity residing elsewhere on the planet," he said. "The balance of power would shift drastically, with weaponized meteor freaks in the us arsenal."

"You're spouting dystopian crap," Lois said, her arms wrapped around herself, trying not to shiver. "It'll never happen." _My dad would stop it first. No one would let that stand. It's just... wrong._

"No, it _can_ happen," Lex said. "Very easily. Frighteningly so. I've _already_ had to deal with people trying to gather up meteor-freaks for their own purposes. As for the rest... well, read a history book sometime. Revolution always comes when the subjugated get enough power to rise up. Always. And _these_ subjugated will have the power practically built in _under their skins_. It's one of the reasons why I'm so focused on getting them sane. I don't want them feeling taken advantage of, and I want there to be no easy grounds for rounding them up and locking them all away out of the public eye."

"Fine," Lois spat back. "Let's pretend for a moment that you _aren't_ trying to do that yourself with them--"

"--I'm _not_ , or I wouldn't be having nearly the difficulties in doing what I feel needs to be done--" Lex interjected.

"--Then what the _hell_ were you doing with Wes?" she demanded. "How was that not exactly the same thing?!" she hissed.

"One -- he had a choice and said yes, and no you didn't hear that from me. Two -- I'm not going to be using people like that and starting a damn slave trade, I'd like to think I've got better sense than that. Three -- the end result of the process was _supposed_ to be reversible."

Lois felt like she'd been slapped in the face.

"At the end of the day, the superpowered can't walk among the rest of us. It just won't work," he said. "The solution is obvious -- no powers in 'normal civilian life' means no temptation and far less of a foothold for the psychosis to take hold. But there have been setbacks and screwups. --Mainly because we'd been rushing," he admitted, "because we have to be ready before the next strike. But-- well, I don't suppose you were wondering what I referred to when I said that there was one thing the League _was_ actually useful in doing?"

Lois nodded numbly.

"It was in coming up with a solution to the depowering problem after the later end stages of the process," Lex said. "They were reckless as hell -- tried something desperate and dangerous that my own scientists has vetoed as not humane enough to attempt. A few of the test subjects defected -- ran off during the testing -- one of the reasons why I felt it necessary to include mental controls that could _force_ compliance and execution of given orders in the field," Lex explained. "We needed to be able to be sure that they would complete their assignments as quickly as possible and then return to base immediately afterwards."

Lex rubbed his forehead and stared off into space. "The League apparently picked them up. They came up with a method of depowering them through the use of high-powered lasers. A long enough exposure to microwave radiation at the right wavelengths unraveled the DNA bindings in the serum that we'd injected them with."

"They broiled people out of their powers," Lois said slowly.

"Yes," Lex sighed tiredly. "If they hadn't had the enhanced strength I doubt they would have survived. They're lucky their brains didn't heat badly enough that all the proteins unravelled, which would otherwise had led to a feverish, lingering death. We caught up with some of the ones that the League turned loose, depowered, and got the information out of them. We gathered up volunteers from the sane test subjects and tried it out. When it worked, we started doing the same to the psychotics." Lex sighed again and ran a hand over his head. "Most of them became sane again, once they were depowered. Some are still undergoing psychotherapy, though my staff assures me that many of them had underlying problems that were 'only' exascerbated by the procedure, that someone just didn't catch the first time through, with reactions that are only now understandable in retrospect."

"And, what, you just let them all go?" Lois said in disbelief.

"Those who seemed sane again, and were willing to stand by the non-disclosure agreement, yes, of course," Lex said simply, blinking at her. "The insane ones, obviously not. And, of course, we will have to track them, and they'll be receiving checkups, medical exams, and psychotherapy for the forseeable future, given that there could be ill effects from the various processes that may only surface years down the line." He waved a hand, "But that is normal procedure for any major medical study."

"...Right," said Lois, wondering if she might be able to track down some of these supposed 'let-loose' people down and get them to talk -- or at least get a better picture of what Luthor was actually doing, because while it was still pretty horrific messed-up stuff, this didn't sound nearly as bad as she'd been afraid of.

_God, I don't actually **believe** him ...do I?_

"What did you _think_ I was going to do with them?" Lex asked, frowning.

_Oh, I don't know -- lock them up, jail them, kill them and dump their bodies down a hole...?_

Lois shook her head and sidestepped that question. "What about the project itself? Why would you let everyone go if it was still ongoing?"

"Because it isn't ongoing," Luthor said. "We were using an alien DNA sequence that we'd extracted from one of the 'strange visitor's corpses. We found in studying it that we were able to use it to bind together various types of DNA between meteor freaks and 'normal' humans and other species -- very versatile stuff -- but we ran out of material for the process," he ended. "The whole thing's had to be mothballed and the research progress has slowed to almost a crawl."

 _Well thank god for small miracles -- if it's true,_ Lois thought.

"I don't understand why you were using people in the first place," Lois countered. "Why not machines, or just better guns?"

Lex frowned. "I _have_ projects building better arms and armored weaponry," he said. "But robotics is a dead-end. These aliens subverted every last computer system on the planet on Dark Thursday," he said. "Not to mention that without a power source, anything electronic is useless. Besides, if I relied on robotics for targeting and a fast-enough reaction time to be able to respond to these things..." Lex shook his head. "The worst and most dangerous of the aliens are capable of moving faster than the speed of sound. Those robotic systems would need to be more-than-human-capable to target and shoot them, to have any hope of actually hitting what they were aiming at. If these aliens subverted those systems, we wouldn't be able to turn them off or break them before a huge amount of damage was done -- to us," he explained grimily.

"However, the only biological subversion known to-date is through these 'alien ghosts'," Lex continued. "And that's a one-to-one threat. If we can enhance humans to the point where we are strong and fast enough to use weapons against them and be able to score a hit--"

"--Wait, why _strong_ enough?" Lois interrupted.

"Because being able to move at high speeds means nothing if the subject's tissues are so strained that they rip themselves apart from the stress forces," Lex explained. "That's why it's important to enhance the basic strength. We also needed to increase the metabolic and immune system response for a similar reason -- better blood circulation, oxygenation of tissues, and healing. they wouldn't be able to function properly without it, and would die much sooner, just from the use of their powers, otherwise," he frowned. "I wasn't trying to turn these people into kamikaze timebombs."

Lois breathed out a tired sigh. All this was really starting to get to her. He was being too serious, too logical about things -- even when those things were completely crazy to think, let alone talk about with a straight face. _Down the fucking rabbit hole--_

"Look, the aliens apparently do have a weakness," he said. "The worst of them don't seem to be able to function when exposed to green meteor rock, so if I can find a way to make a fast attack using the material--"

 _\--and up again we go. Time to start fighting fire with fire._ "Well, that makes no sense," Lois grumbled, massaging her temples. "If all these badass aliens are so horrible and un-takedownable, why would they throw meteor rock at us that we could use to take 'em down?" she asked.

Lex stopped short. "...What?" he said.

"I'm just saying," Lois pointed out. "If _all_ these aliens are evil and trying to kill all humans and whatever, and all smart enough to screw up all our computers and steal our power and make us basically helpless," she scratched her head, searching for the right words. "Well, why would they basically be _giving_ us the... the 'seeds of their own destruction'?"

Lex stared at her.

"And, I mean, if you're _really_ the only guy in the world trying to stop them... well, what the hell happened with Dark Thursday?" Lois asked. "Did _you_ stop them? --Because if you could stop something like that already, why isn't that enough?"

"I--" Lex looked a little ill. "It-- wasn't-- ...I didn't stop it," he said quietly.

"Okaaaay," said Lois. "So, who did?"

Lex stared at her.

"Because _somebody_ had to, right?" Lois pressed. "Because either these alien guys are totally evil and somebody else stopped them, or they stopped on their own for whatever reason, probably because somebody talked them out of it."

"I-- I--" Lex looked very taken aback.

"First one or second one?" Lois asked.

Lex closed his mouth and swallowed. "First one, I think. Lana said--"

"We're trusting Lana now?"

Lex looked about to protest, then clammed up and turned a little pale.

"...For this, yes," he said, finally. "We weren't fighting back then."

"Right," Lois said quietly. "So, yeah, I'll ask again -- why does it have to be _you?_ " Lois pressed him. "Because hey, here's a thought -- if there really _are_ aliens, maybe not all of them are bad. Maybe the bad ones are in the minority -- 'cause, hey, there must not have been a lot of them running around, or a lot of people would've noticed -- enough that people would have talked and everybody would know about it. So, y'know, where are the rest of them?" she asked, throwing her hands up.

Lex stared at her.

"Did any of this ever even _occur_ to you?" Lois asked.

He looked completely off-balance, then seemed to grope his way back to solidity with an annoyed frown. "For all I know, whoever or whatever managed to stop them last time, or the time before that--"

"Twice now?" Lois said, crossing her arms.

Lex gritted his teeth. "I don't know how they were stopped or stalled. Until I do, I can't risk sitting back and hoping and praying that whoever was involved didn't die in the attempt, or that whatever else will just magically happen again." He glared at her. "As it is, the death toll and property damage from the second meteor shower, and the Dark Thursday event, and the dam collapse were all unconscionable--"

"So, _three_ times then," Lois pointed out.

Lex looked like he was getting a headache.

"Yeah, well, here's the thing, Luthor, _you don't know_ ," she said. "You don't know what happened, you aren't completely sure of the aliens existing in the first place--"

"--Even if they turn out to be not actual _aliens_ , they're fucking _something_ that's _alien-like_ \-- DNA doesn't lie," Lex muttered.

"--and you don't know whether anything will happen again--"

"It's entirely possible that those people might've only dispatched one of their kind because they thought they only _needed_ one," Lex gritted out, rubbing at his temples.

"--and even if it did, you don't know that it won't get stopped without you needing to do anything about it, and I think _that's_ what's the real kicker for you," Lois said, finally getting it, really _really_ getting it -- no _wonder_ he was such a dom -- "It's all about control with you," she ended decisively.

"...What?" Lex said, looking up at her in shock.

"Control," Lois repeated. "You don't _trust_ anybody else -- I get it, you've been majorly screwed over by your dad, you've had three ex-wives try to kill you at different times, and probably a whole bunch of other crap, like stuff with Oliver and god knows what else. Whatever," she said, waving it off. "A whole bunch of people that you should've been able to trust, who hurt you real fucking bad." _And you probably feel like the only way you can be safe is to have control over everything -- which is, unsurprisingly, why you're a dom._ "Well, guess what?"

Lex looked at her with a little apprehension. "What?" he said slowly.

" _Get over it,_ " Lois said, poking him in the chest. "You want to be all control-freak on your own damn personal time? Great. Have at it!" -- _Clark will probably love you for it_ \-- " _But not with everything else._ You're making excuses about shit that may _never_ happen down the line, and that'll probably resolve itself _all on its own_ anyway even if it does, because, hell -- there's even a track record of it doing _just that_ in the past, which even _you_ admit!" she poked him in the chest again, then leaned in.

"So yeah, Luthor, you don't trust that everything's gonna work out ok, and you've got a hell of a lot of reasons for it," she said. "But that _doesn't_ give you the right or the 'responsiblity' to run around doing a bunch of crazy shit that ends up hurting a _lot_ of _other people_."

"I'm not crazy," Lex said adamantly.

_God, Clark was right -- no, don't bring up Clark, that'll just set him off._

"Lex, you need to stop doing crazy shit--!" Lois started.

" _I'm not crazy_ ," Lex repeated, looking angry and scared.

"Don't be stupid, Luthor," Lois said. "If I thought you were crazy, I wouldn't be trying to talk some fucking sense into you," she said coldly. "I'd just--"

"You _just said--_ " Luthor cut in, protesting.

"--Woah!" Lois cut in, throwing up her hands. "Time-out!" She stopped for a second and looked at Luthor -- really _looked_ at him.

 _Ok, what the **hell** is he not getting?_ Lois thought, trying to figure out what the hell was going on with him. Because she was _sure_ at this point that she _could_ get through to him, she just needed to figure out _how_. He wasn't a loonie, but he wasn't really a nervous wreck, either -- not really. He fixated a little on stuff, certain things, but he was _logical_ about shit. The whole thing about the meteor-freaks proved it: he thought things through to a logical conclusion, but, christ, it was like three-quarters of the way up, he was using 2+2=5, and that's why everything came out so bass-ackwards and just plain scary- _wrong_ at the end of things. ...And he almost seemed willing to admit it. It was almost like he'd been asking her to check his math.

She stared at him, forehead crinkling up, and finally tried, "Ok, you _do_ know the difference between... uh... who a person _is_ and what they're like, and, uh, what they _do_ , like how they _act_ ...right?"

Lex stared at her like she was speaking a foreign language.

One he didn't know.

 _Oh for fuck's sake..._ Lois thought in exasperation.

"You can only judge a man by his actions," Lex said slowly.

" _It's not the same thing_ ," Lois said, and ...holy shit. "--Ok, wait, is there some kind of thing where you think that _not_ doing shit about aliens -- like the stuff you've been trying to do? -- when you _could_ be but _don't_ is, like, tantamount to standing by and doing nothing and _wanting_ everybody to be hosed?"

At the look on his face, Lois literally did a facepalm.

"Erg," she groaned, flopping back on the sofa and staring up at the ceiling. "Oh god, what the _hell_!" she complained, rubbing the heels of her palms into her eyes. _...And what does that say about what you think of anybody else who you think knows but doesn't help you, huh?_

There was silence for awhile as she contemplated how truly fucked up Luthor's head really was, and Luthor sat there breathing.

"...This," she heard tentatively, "...isn't just a Clark thing?"

 _Oh good, he **does** remember what Clark tried to tell him earlier in the street, that I pretty much repeated damn near word-for-word._ She let her hands fall behind her head and tilted her head up at him. "Uh, _no_ ," she said in 'well, duh' tones. "It's a _normal_ thing."

Lex frowned at her.

"Ok, look," she groaned, sitting up. "A person is _not_ what they do, ok? An artist may be artistic, but being an artist is their _job_ \-- it's not _who they are_ \--"

"--But it _is_ ," Lex insisted. "If someone is doing what they should be--"

"--What they _should be???_ " Lois said, her voice starting to hit the higher registers. Because, really -- communist much?

Lex winced and glanced over at Clark, who muttered quietly and shifted a little on the bed.

"Well, you're a damn reporter, not a coffee girl," Lex said under his breath, once Clark had finished settling again. "There's a job, and there's finding your life's work -- who you really are, and what you should be doing."

 _Well, that's a **little** better than communist,_ Lois revised. _...Marginally._

 _But 'life's work' --good god,_ she thought. _\--No, no -- focus, girl!_

"Right," Lois said lowly. " 'Who you really are, and what you should be doing.' --And maybe it should be a _damn clue_ that when people say shit like that, that they're saying _two things_ instead of just _one_ ," she hissed back at him, with a 'get it, already!' look.

Lex looked irritated in the extreme, and opened his mouth to say, well, Lois never actually found out what stupid junk, because he paused and frowned at her, then glanced down as he seemed to start working _something_ out in his poor screwed-up electricity-crispy-fried brain of his.

 _Please, for fuck's sake, **come on** ,_ Lois prayed.

"Is there really nothing else to you other than being a businessman?" Lois tried, hitting him as hard as she could think of -- because what sort of 'just-a- _businessman_ ' would spend time with Clark on weird social outings to random warehouse-malls, or played pool in the middle of the day, or, hell, let him yell at him about the stupid shit he'd done?

"I-- What--?!" Lex's head came up. "I'm not just--"

And then he looked a little stricken.

"What, you haven't always wanted to be the consummate businessman?" she asked him.

He looked even more taken aback.

"--No! I..."

Lois blinked at him and sat up a little straighter. "Wait -- you haven't always wanted to run LuthorCorp?"

"I..." he said softly, looking down at his hands, and Lois saw him shift in place almost nervously and...

 _Holy shit, I think I got under his skin,_ she realized. Between the sleep-deprivation, fatigue, and half-a-breakdown with Clark... and all the talking... _oh man..._

 _Hello, Mr. Luthor, and how are **you** today?_ she thought a little hysterically.

She knew she should stop, this wasn't really fair on him, but...

...if she did, she might not _get_ another chance to get through to him again.

She shook herself and asked him, "What did you do in college? Wasn't it business track towards an MBA?"

"No," he shook his head, frowning at her. "I got my degree in biochem. I was attending grad school when..."

Lois tallied up the dates and times. "--when you decided to go to Smallville."

"I didn't _decide_ to," Lex said, irritated again, his head coming up. "I didn't want to be stuck out in the middle of nowhere. My father--" He clenched his jaw and looked away.

"Wait, Lionel _made_ you--" Lois blinked at him. "--He _forced_ you to drop out of college?"

"You don't exactly say 'no' to the man, Lane. If I hadn't come willingly, he would've done something that would've ensured I couldn't go back to university later." Lex said sourly. "I'd assumed for a long time that I'd end up helping him run the business someday, but..." he looked pained. "I didn't think that I'd _have_ to take the reins away from him; that he actually _couldn't_ be trusted with his own damn company."

 _That's **regret** ,_ Lois realized. She knew an 'it wasn't supposed to be like this!' when she heard it.

"...You sound like you don't actually _want_ to be running LuthorCorp," Lois put out there.

"What I want has no bearing on the situation," Lex nearly snarled out, slashing a hand through the air. "I _need_ to be--"

"Why? Why does it _need_ to be you?" Lois said. "There are plenty of other businesses doing just fine with CEO's who are-not-you. Why can't you get someone _else_ to--"

Lex shook his head, curling back a sneer. "What? Do what? Have to justify my actions to someone else who thinks I'm insane? Who'd probably just as soon look at me as have me commited to an asylum in order to ensure their total dominion over the company? The 'C' in CEO isn't for 'co-manage', Lane. CEO's don't like to share power."

Lane slowly narrowed her eyes at him. "Just to be clear -- _why_ do _you_ need to be doing all those alien experiment and tracking things, again?"

Lex looked as stunned as if she'd smacked him in the face with a raw halibut.

Lois continued brazenly: "Because you said yourself that you've convinced some people who are working for you already into believing in aliens--"

"I can't turn the company over to _them!_ " he hissed back, making the leap in logic. "They don't have the training--"

"So train them."

"--and trusting someone to run a computer simulation or compile data or work out in the field is very different than trusting them to make smart business decisions about things that will directly affect the lives and livelihoods of thousands of employees!" he said, looking rattled.

"Selection process and training," Lois said.

Lex gritted his teeth. "... _And_ , as I believe I mentioned before, they're completely out of line! _I'm_ the one holding them back -- and if you think you have a problem with _my_ methods and what _I_ feel are necessary evils and sacrifices, you can _damn well_ better believe that--"

"Stop. Just stop a moment."

Lex ground to a halt and gave her a very impatient look.

"You're going around in circles, Luthor." She gave him a look. "You say you don't want to CEO LuthorCorp, but you say you do it because you don't trust anyone else to be competent enough or make the right decisions. But it's kind of up in the air whether _you've_ been making good or bad decisions right now. You shouldn't be thinking you need to find someone like _you_ ," she said, "What you should be looking for is someone to make _better_ business decisions _than you_ ," she stressed. "You're a smart guy, right? If you're really that worried about the alien stuff --are you _really_ telling me that there's absolutely _no way_ that you could split off the alien-project parts of the company somehow, and set up the paperwork so that somebody else could make good day-to-day business decisions for you, so you'd be able to spend all your time on _just_ the alien stuff that you say is so important?"

"I can't do that!" Lex said.

"Why the hell not?" Lois pressured him.

"--I need it to help me stay sane!" he blurted out, tossing his hands up.

Then his eyes went a little wide.

"...And you're wondering why the people you've got on 24-7 alien watch are a little out there?"

Lex looked like he was mentally slapping himself.

"Look, half of this whole argument is based on your 'need' to be doing this alien stuff," Lois repeated. "But you _still_ haven't made it clear why you think it's necessary that _someone_ \-- that someone _you know about_ has to do it," she said in a burst of inspiration, "let alone _you_."

"Someone... someone I know about?" Lex said faintly.

"Well, yeah," Lois said. "You've said that there are three big alien things that happened -- the second meteor shower, the dam burst, Dark Thursday -- oh, hell, and you're leaving out the first meteor shower and all those aliens you said you were tracking that you said somebody else ganked before you got to them, so I guess that makes it at least five," -- _wow, he looks kind of ill, now_ \-- "and you don't seem to know much about anything that was going on there for any of that stuff, right? --I get that, ok? I get wanting to know what's going on, but you can't, always. It doesn't work that way. Sometimes you need to trust that the right people are out there doing the right things."

"This isn't like trusting our military or police force, Lane," Lex spat out, running his hands over his head, looking like he'd be pulling out hair if he had any. "I have absolutely _no_ idea _who_ or even _how_ \--"

Lois comtemplated flat out telling him it wasn't his problem.

Instead, she said, "Ok, fine. Let's say for the sake of argument that we're comparing unknown-whatever to you, and you get to bid on who gets to be in charge of dealing with alien menaces. Is what _you've_ been doing with all these experiments -- hurting people, driving them insane, putting your own employees at risk helping you, breaking who knows how many laws -- in _any_ way _better_ than what's been going on already? What whoever else has been doing to stop them? Is the cost of what you've been doing trying to 'outbid' whoever else really worth it?"

 _...Oh,_ Lois thought when she caught a good look at his expression after that. Apparently he'd never thought about it that way before, and 'one person against the tide' was a lot different than 'multiple people who are all working towards the same thing'. It made it more clear that crazy decisions and sacrifices were _not_ the best plan; some things in that light became obviously totally unacceptable. ...And then his expression changed again and-- _Uh oh._

Shit. She hadn't thought he actually had some kind of _morals_.

_I should've suspected **something** was up, the way he kept talking about his employees. Fuck._

He looked like he was two seconds away from shutting down completely, and Lois almost couldn't blame him. Nobody wants to know that they compromised themselves, doing what they knew was wrong for what they thought was right -- what they thought was the 'best' or _only_ thing to do, 'given the circumstances', famous last words -- only to realize later that they never should have done.

 _Except I'm a military brat. I grew up on tales of how supposedly 'necessary' evils 'for the greater good' turned out to be the worst cock-ups in history. That's not something **anyone** ever really **likes** to talk about._ But a lot of her dad's diplomatic missions had involved fixing CIA cover-op fuck-ups because of their interference in other countries' affairs -- or _trying_ to, anyway. Road to hell and all that crap.

So, yeah, she could almost sympathize a little. But she couldn't let him get away with shutting down like that. Because if he did...

"Coward," she said abruptly.

" _Excuse me!?!_ " Lex bristled.

"Don't give me that!" Lois said, crossing her arms. "You were about to get all closed-minded and convince yourself that you were right for doing what you were doing, and then keep on doing it to try and justify what you've already done, when you _know_ that's not true--"

"I--!"

"--because you just realized it," Lois overrode him. "So you screwed up. Really really badly. So either be a coward and go on and lie to yourself," _hah!_ she thought, watching him bristle again at that, "and blindly keep doing what you've been doing and make things that much worse, or _man the fuck up_ , take a good hard look at what you've been doing, and stop cocking it all up!" she demanded, glaring at him.

She wasn't going to demand he fix things, because frankly that was impossible at this point -- with Wes and other dead it was unreasonable to even ask -- and she wasn't about to give Luthor _any_ excuse to not even _try_.

"That's not--!!" Lex started. "I don't--!"

He stopped for a minute, clenching and unclenching his fists in his lap and breathing heavily through his nose.

Finally, he said, "Clark was _right_ \-- you _are_ annoying."

Lois couldn't help but laugh a little at the glare she was getting right then.

"If it's any consolation, Clark says some pretty dumbass things sometimes, too," Lois said, trying to soften the blow a little. --But only a _little_.

"Like what," he snorted, more of a rhetorical question.

...Yeah, like Lois would let that one go. "Like, um, let's see. Oh, yeah! There was this one time, after the whole thing with Duncan, when Clark said that -- damn what was it? right -- 'sometimes in order to protect the ones we love, we keep secrets.' And that was just bullshit, so I told him that that was totally retarded."

Lex stared at her for a bit, then turned and stared at Clark, sleeping on the bed.

"Clark... said that..." Lex said slowly.

"Uh, yeah," Lois said, frowning.

"And... he sounded like he meant it..." It was almost a question.

"With a weird kind of conviction, he was really startled when I said what I-- wait, what _is_ this?" Lois asked, because Lex was taking this really fucking seriously.

"I-- oh god, that son of a bitch, he _wouldn't_ ," Lex said quietly, covering his face with his hands and sounding like he thought the exact opposite. He paused for a moment, then said under his breath, "Goddamnit. _That idiot_."

"What, like you don't do it, too?" Lois called him on it.

"What?" Lex dropped his hands and looked up at her in perfect disbelief. "I most certainly do _not_ \--!"

"Yes, you do."

"I don't!" he insisted, glaring at her. "I have _tried_ to discuss meteor-related events and the aliens and alien artifacts with Clark _numerous_ times, and he--"

"I'm not talking about Clark," she said, waving him off. "I'm talking about everyone else."

Lex stopped and stared at her blankly.

"Didn't you just say that you didn't want everybody knowing about the aliens because you were afraid that there'd be riots and crap and people would get hurt?"

"That is _not_ the same thing--" he spat out, right before his train of thought came to a screeching halt and a look of absolute horror crossed his face. "Oh my god, I sound like _Clark_ ," he said, clutching his hands around his head.

"Well, as long as you don't do guilt anything like Clark does, youll probably be ok," Lois said.

Wow. It got worse.

"Right. Maybe we should just forget I said that," Lois said.

Lex nodded slightly.

"Ok, then. So -- no more evil labs?" Lois said briskly, crossing mental fingers.

"They're not--" Lex cut himself off, then sighed. "I'll think about it," he gritted out.

"Good." Lois said, because if he didn't rethink it right, well, she could be a bee in his bonnet, or he could get the stinger.

...And there was always Clark to get in on the action, but apparently he was like the nuclear option of lambasting-Lex-for-mistakes warfare. Probably ought to save him for special occasions, then.

"Sooooo, anything _else_ you want to talk about?" Lois said. At this point she was kind of asleep on her feet -- well, butt, since she was technically sitting down -- but what the hell.

Luthor was quiet for awhile, then said, "...I don't suppose you'd care to elaborate on the differences between 'being' and 'doing'?"

Lois blinked at him. It took her brain a second to remember the whole 'a person isn't what they do' thing from before that he didn't seem to get.

"Yeahhhhh, ok, that requires lots of philosophy textbooks and alcohol, and I'm all outta textbooks," she said.

And so she managed to shove herself upright and go teetering tiredly around the room for wherever the hell the minibar was, because all wicked-strange hotel rooms had them, right?

"Oh..." she said, leaning down in front of one of the cabinets.

"...Problem?" she heard quietly from the loveseat.

She got a small smile and grabbed the three unlabeled wine bottles. "Nope!"

Within a minute or two they were both lounging side-by-side on the loveseat with Dixie cups full of room temperature alcohol.

"Smooth," Lois rasped.

"Best moonshine wine I've ever had the pleasure of downing," Lex agreed hoarsely, barely holding down a cough.

"You mean brandy," Lois said with a thin, wide smile.

Lex gave her a long look sideways. After another sip, he said, "I've got a degree in biochemical engineering, which means I know chemistry. I damn well know my way around a distillation process, and this was _not_ done commercially."

Lois' smile turned into a grin. "...So, what you're _saying_ is that you've got a distillery in your cellar?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Lane," he scoffed. "I have _win_ in my wine cellar." He took another sip. "The distillery's in the subbasement labs."

Lois laughed.

"Sh!" Lex shushed her, glancing at the bed.

"Aw, don't wanna share?" Lois teased.

"He doesn't drink, and he's technically still underage," Lex pointed out, and Lois sighed.

"Yeah..." she said sadly, downing the rest of her cup, then holding it out.

Lex refilled it for her.

"You're attempting to be a gentle-- genteel-- g'ntlem-- _nice_ ," she accused him, taking the cup back and watching him over the rim after another fortifying sip.

" _I_ ," he said, smoothly gesturing at himself with his own cup, " **attempt** _nothing_ ," he declared primly. "I _am_ gentle," he then added drunkenly, before tilting his head back and finishing off the last of his cup.

Lois snickered, and then went, "awww," and patted him on the shoulder good-naturedly when he looked a little put out at being snickered at.

And then she refilled _his_ cup.

He looked down at it. "You are trying to get me drunk," he accussed, a little sullenly.

"I am being gentlll-- _nice_ , too. Because I can. I can be nice!" she said defensively.

"Mmaybe," he said, "I didn't actu-ally ask for more." He watched her suspiciously as he took another sip. "But you are _also_ trying to get me drunk."

Lois giggled. "Yes I am," she admitted, downing another cup.

He blinked at her lazily. "Why?"

"Because!" she said surprised. At his look, she elaborated. "There is liquor." Another pause. "And you are here."

Luthor looked like he was having issues trying to wrap his head around "alcohol in the room" + "Luthor in the room" = "must attempt to get Luthor drunk".

"So, if Clark was awake--"

"Clark doesn't like drinking."

"...If Oliver was here--"

"He would punch you in the face."

"..."

Lex looked a little stymied. He drank a little more alcohol.

"...If Mrs. Kent was here?" he tried.

"She would bring more alcohol. And pie," Lois said dreamily.

Lex looked lost again for a minute, and then his eyes went distant.

"You've had Mrs. Kent's pie!" Lois said, poking him in the arm. How had he managed that?

"I didn't; she's just that nice," he said, and whoops, she must've said that out loud. "It's good pie," Lex admitted, taking another sip and running out of alcohol again. Refill!

...Oh this was _such_ good stuff. They were only five? six? cups in and Luthor had already stopped with the big, flowery words.

"We are not talking about being and doing," Lex said out of nowhere.

"Yes," said Lois.

Lex blinked, then frowned. He started to say something then stopped. "...Why are we not talking about being and doing?" he rephrased carefully.

"No textbooks," Lois said.

"But... we do have alcohol!" Lex said, pointing at the one-and-one-half bottles remaining.

"No," Lois said absolutely. "Can't."

"But why?" Lex asked plaintively.

"No textbooks," Lois repeated.

Lex grumbled.

"No textbooks!"

"But..." he looked a little put out. "There are _things_ ," he said, gesturing again, his hands fluttering around. "Like... like cognitive dissonance and actions making people different and changing their minds and... things. _Things_ ," he stressed.

"You," Lois accused, poking at his arm with a finger, "are still using the big words." She frowned at him.

"Why would I _not_ use big words when I'm... drunk?" Lex asked, then frowned. He glanced down at his hands, then reached up with a hand and poked at his head a little.

"I should not be drunk," he said, eyes widening.

Lois snickered.

"No no, I..." he stared down at the cup and then the bottles and started to look... worried?

"...Dinner?" Lois asked.

"What?" Lex said, glancing over at her. "Oh, I-- nuts?"

Lois laughed quietly, leaning into him.

"I meant almonds," he said in a flat tone, but he was smiling a little.

"Uh huh," Lois giggled out.

"And... very tired." He frowned a little. "Punch-drunk tired," he sighed. "Really shouldn't have..." He blinked. "I... probably... wouldn't have said... all that... if I'd just been drunk, instead of tired."

"You don't talk when you're drunk," Lois said, glancing up at him, then starting to straighten.

"No," Lex agreed. "I have practice at not doing so."

"You regretting telling me?" she asked, downing another cupful and not looking at him.

"...I could drink _you_ under 'til you blackout," Lex said after awhile.

"No you can't," Lois said, not even bragging -- she had a pretty unbeatable record with Russian Generals; it was more of a _fact_. "Doesn't count anyway. You still said it all."

"But you might not remember..." he said quietly, staring down at the cup of alcohol in his hands.

"Mm. Maybe," Lois said. "Doubtful. Stuff is good, but not that good," she said, eyeing her new cupful critically.

"Cheers!" she said, tapping her cup against his, and downing that one too. "You're not keeping up," she added, eyeing his cup balefully.

"Well, that's unconscionable," Lex said, shaking something off. "Have to do something about that." He downed his cup, then poured and downed another in rapid succession.

He blinked and swayed a moment, then looked vaguely uneasy.

And then frowned down at his empty cup for a moment, before he refilled it and sipped at it again, seeming to ignore whatever had been bothering him about the alcohol.

They were about three-quarters through the last bottle when Lex's head hit her shoulder.

"Ow," Lex said quietly. "You are hard and bony," he complained.

Lois grinned and flicked a finger at his forehead.

"Lightweight," she said.

"No food, next-to-no sleep," Lex returned.

"Hangover from yesterday," Lois replied, pointing at herself.

"That's just more incentive," Lex murmured as a comeback, his eyes starting to dip closed, like little tired flutterbys. Butterflies.

Lois got a mental image of butterflies landing all over Lex's head and shoulders, wings softly opening and closing.

Lois grinned all over again.

"You're really not so bad, are you?" she said down at him. "You aren't _trying_ to be evil."

"Wh--?" Lex said, glancing up at her and discoordinatedly shoving himself upright again to stare at her. "I'm not _evil!_ "

There went all the imaginary butterflies, taking off in riotous cloud of color and light.

"...Misunderstood?" Lois tried, cocking her head.

Lex looked even more taken aback. "No! That's what the bad guys always say!"

"...You said you were ok with being a bad guy," Lois pointed out slowly, frowning a little.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean I _want_ to be one!"

Lois blinked at him a few times, then said, "Are we friends now?" because they'd been talking about crazy-ass-shit and drinking together, and that was two of the... however many.

Plus, he was in good with her family, and had helped with Lori and everything, even.

"Wh-- What?" Lex said, swaying and looking taken aback. "No!" He looked a little freaked out. "I don't like being yelled at!"

Lois tilted her head sideways at him, because who-the-what-now?

"We can be opponents, though," he said. "That way I can hit you sometimes and complain and vent and not feel bad about it later. ...And, uh, you too, I guess," he added very belatedly.

"Ok," Lois agreed, thinking as fast as she could sideways on that much alcohol. "But you gotta be the hero."

"Yes, I-- what??? NO!" he yelled, then got really quiet. "NOnononono! No!" he hissed at her.

Lois frowned at him.

"You do not get to be the villain! No villaining for you!" Lex said, pointing at her, looking freaked-the-fuck out.

 _Huh?_ Lois frowned at him, to better stifle the grin that wanted to leak out, because really -- heroes and villains, instead of cops and robbers or cowboys and indians?

"Why not? I bet I'd be good at it," she said.

"Yes!" Lex said, tossing his hands up -- good thing he'd finished his cup first.

Lois frowned at him further, because it was better than laughing and she wanted to see how far this went.

"I can't be a villain... because I'd be good at it?" she asked.

"Yes!" Lex said. "Because you would do it, and then get into it, and then you'd get all," he waved his hands at her, " _you_ , and-- and-- And then you would grin all... like that!" he pointed at her again as she did just that. "And then there would be doom. The bad kind. --No villaining!" he said adamantly. "You can be an anti-hero, though, if you want," he said after much deliberation and another cup of the last of the alcohol.

"I really can't be the villain?" Lois asked, teasing openly now.

" _Nooo_ ," said Lex. "You _could_ be -- you're just _not allowed_ ," he glared at her.

"Also, Clark would kill me for you going evil and causing havoc, because it would probably end up actually being my fault this time," he grumbled under his breath, glancing up at Clark, who was somehow sleeping through all this, and then down at his cup like he wished he had more alcohol.

Lois snickered.

"It's _not_ funny," Lex stressed. "No evildoing. I mean it. Or I'll-- I'll--" It looked like inspiration struck. "I'll sic _The General_ on you!"

Lois blanched, then said heatedly. "No bringing parents into this!"

Lex opened his mouth, then went pale himself. "Okay," he said mildly and without any protest whatsoever.

Lois blinked at him, then frowned. "...Lionel?"

"What?" Lex stared at her for a full minute. "...Mrs. Kent can be scary," Lex said, finally. "And, uh... no more pie?" he tried, probably because the first one made no sense at all -- Mrs. Kent was a saint.

He did have a point about the pie, though. "Ok," she said. "And we can gang up on Lionel together."

Wow. And she'd thought _Clark's_ grin could light up a barn!

"Ok, so what superpowers do I get?" Lois asked him, falling back into the cushions.

Luthor looked at her blankly.

"What? You're like the Q of giving superpowers to people!" she said.

"I am not!" Lex protested. "I'm not just some British Vanna White for gadgets and tricks!" he glowered at her.

Lois cracked up.

"Besides, those powers usually come with messed-up other-stuff," he pointed out. "Like sometimes-psychosis, and sometimes-mindcontrol, and I can't do that now anyway 'cause I ran out of the right DNA, remember?" Lex frowned. "And you with superpowers would be horrifying."

"What? I'd use them for good!"

" _Horrifying_ ," he repeated.

"Fine, whatever," Lois said. She didn't like the idea of possible-mindcontrol and probably-psychosis, anyway, even if they were just joking around.

Mostly.

"I guess if Green Arrow can do it without powers, I can, too," Lois declared.

"Sure, you've got the whole mad-army-brat-military-training thing going there, right?" he said easily, waving a hand at her.

"Welllll," she tapered off. "I know _some_ things. But I haven't been through formal Green Beret or Navy Seal or Marines training, or anything."

"Hm," Lex said noncommittally.

"Ooh! --I will need a costume," Lois declared, and then she suddenly realized that she was actually in a pretty cool place to go looking for clothes for one.

And then she caught Lex looking at her sideways with a very odd piercing gaze and said, "...What?"

...which led to her finding out that Lex was really good at drawing in pencil on the back of random takeout menus at her direction, even though he said he wasn't really getting the shading or the lines right because he was too drunk, and led to a further discussion about how he'd have to figure out _floating_ superpowers for her if she was gonna try to traipse around on three-inch stiletto heels like _that_ while fighting crime or, say, gravity.

And when Lois finally asked him, "If you could have only one superpower, what would it be?" he said:

"Flight."

\-- all wistfully.

"But that would be a bad idea," he continued, focused on filling in the dark coloring on her drawn costume's miniskirt.

"Why?" she asked, curious.

"Because I'm afraid of heights," he said, not looking up.

Lois stared at him. "But you fly in planes and helicopters all the time," she pointed out.

"Yeah," he said. "I had to get over it."

Lois blinked at him. "So... how'd you do it? Flooding? Exposure therapy?"

Lex dropped his shoulders slightly in a half-shrug as he finished up the lines on the high-heeled boots. "I guess. Lionel just kept taking me up in helicopters whenever he needed to go somewhere until I could keep my eyes open for the entire trip ten trips in a row. ...Oh, and falling asleep meant starting over."

"When did he start doing this?"

"When I was nine."

 _Yeah, it's official -- Lionel's a bastard,_ she thought, then _\--crap, now I'm actually starting to feel sorry for the guy._

He finished and folded the picture up, and then handed it to her, and when she took it from him she gave him a peck on the cheek.

Lex... looked a little shocked.

"Why did you do that?" he asked in odd tones, raising a hand to his cheek slowly.

"It's a thank-you for the drawing," Lois said, folding it again and stuffing it in a jeans pocket.

"But... but you don't even _like_ me," he said, sounding _really_ confused.

"But I like Grant," she said, "and you said he's kind of like family ...like you're, uh, brothers or something, right?"

Lex's eyes went a little wide, and he nodded slowly.

"Or something," he echoed.

"Okay..." Lois said, standing up slowly and groaning a little as she stretched. "So we won't kill each other in our sleep and he'll stay happy, right?"

"Right..." Lex agreed faintly as he stood up, watching her warily.

"And if you do anything really stupid again," she said, teetering on her feet as she poked him in the arm, "I will maybe put you in a headlock instead of yelling at you, because it sounds like you hate that and it doesn't get anywhere anyway?" she mostly promised him. She was better at the physical stuff, anyway.

"...Okay," Lex said uncertainly, sliding his hands into his pockets.

"Great!" Lois said. "So you get up there and go snuggle up with Smallville and I will--"

"--take the bed," Lex said slowly, "because that was why you were trying to get me so drunk that I passed out, until you ran out of alcohol."

Lois stopped, then grinned. "Figured that one out on your own, huh, Metropolis Boy?"

"I'm not completely stupid," he dissembled, watching her from under his eyelashes.

Lois chuckled to herself and managed to pull out the futon-bed flat on the opposite side of the room with his help and a little fumbling and stumbling and shushed giggles.

When she caught him standing there, looking at Clark and doing the rich boy equivalent of shuffling his feet -- oh man, these two guys, Lois swore -- she said, "Oh, shoo! Just go over there! He's your pet, you snuggle pets!" And with that, she patted him on the back twice, and then shoved him hard.

He practically fell onto the bed in a sprawl in front of Clark.

He glared at her a little when Clark tossed and turned a little at the mattress bounce, but he kicked off his shoes and shoved himself up onto the mattress, which was half the battle.

And then a three-quarters-asleep Clark turned over and wrapped an arm around him, reeling him in while muttering something incoherently, and that was the rest of it.

Lois sniggered to herself as Lex tried to look like he'd meant for that to happen, hit the lightswitch, and collapsed onto her own bed.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lois jerked awake in a pool of her own drool on a cushiony white floor with an immense headache.

"Oh god," she said, as she yanked at her arms and realized she was bound up in a straitjacket.

"Why, good morning, Miss Lane," Lionel said, crouching down in front of her as she pushed her back against the wall and levered herself upright, trying to get something solid behind her.

"What... what the hell..." Lois stammered, glancing around.

Then she realized that she was in a padded cell.

She jerked back and kicked out at Lionel, but he just rose to his feet, chuckling at her under his breath.

"Really, Miss Lane, save your energy," he said. "You'll need it."

"What the hell is going on?!" she demanded. Then she went a little pale. "Where's Lex?" _That bastard,_ she thought, _he did this! He doesn't want me talking!_

"Oh, he's just one room over -- would you like to see him?" Lionel said breezily, turning and flipping a switch on a TV monitor hanging overhead, well out of her reach with her arms bound up like they were, even if she did manage to get herself upright.

She struggled, getting her feet under her, and shoving herself up finally once she worked her way over to a corner of the room, having two walls to lean against.

Then she sagged a little again and ended up sliding down the wall, back on her butt again as the room spun.

Lionel turned to glance at her curiously, then smiled. "Oh, the drugs in the alcohol might still be in your system; don't worry about it, just a mild sedative on top of the alcohol, we were careful with the dosage, given what heavy drinkers you both are." He turned back to the TV screen, finished fiddling with the knobs, then said, "aha!"

It looked like a security feed. It showed a white padded room, like hers, except that she wasn't in it -- _Lex_ was, bound up like she was in a straitjacket on the floor, not moving.

Lois sucked in a breath.

"Is this some kind of a joke?" she said, straining against the jacket ties desperately.

"A joke? Oh, no, not at all," Lionel confessed. "Far from it. You've actually done me a great favor, Miss Lane," he said, smiling down at her. "I've been looking for something to use against Lex for years, now, and you just handed it to me," he said, pulling out a tape recorded and hitting the 'play' button with a flourish.

She heard  
 _"You want a quote, Lane?"_

_"Here's one for you: I don't just believe in 'strange visitors', I _know_ that there are intelligent homicidal would-be world-conquerors running around on the surface of this planet, and not just of the normal mean _terrestrial_ variety."_

_"and"_

_"Not only is magic real, but apparently it's not just a random, isolated thing lost to the mists of time and history."_

_"...apparently demons actually do exist."_

_"Repeat that to anyone in an attempt to bring about some end to me that might prevent me from doing anything to prevent such a planetary takeover, and I'll kill you myself."_  
before he shut it off.

Lois felt a little ill. "That's not--"

"--what he said? Oh, but it is, just edited and ...recompiled a little, for time. You know, and I know, that the context really didn't make any real difference there, now did it?" Lionel said.

"How did you--" Lois said quietly, staring at the tape recorder.

"Oh, Lane," he chuckled. "You're the one who sent that photo of the two of them over your cellphone. It's not that hard to trace a phone by its GPS signal." He casually slipped the tape recorder into his coat pocket. "It didn't seem at all odd that within an hour-and-a-half, four of five available transient rooms at a rather exclusive and hard to find little club mall were suddenly and inexplicably filled?"

"You did that," she said quietly. "And you bugged the last one."

"You'll find that a good number of people will do quite a lot when a father will pay triple the normal board rate for five rooms, in the course of helping a few friends play a... 'prank' or two, all in good fun," he grinned at her. "Humor is so underrated."

"This isn't funny," she spat out at him, wrenching her left shoulder as she twisted and pulled too hard against the straitjacket.

"Really" he said, leaning against the far wall. "Because I think it's hilarious, he said, not sounding amused at all. "A single, below-sea-level reporter gets the drop on _my_ son, has him spill information like water through a sieve, that which he'd never share with me, and then be _stupid_ enough to fall for the same trick a third time?" He shook his head. "He might not remember the scotch before Belle Reeve, but he at least ought to remember what had happened with the poison in his cognac -- he ought to know better than to trust something easily-opened and unlabeled, by now," Lionel said, sounding aggrieved, as if he wasn't the one who had done that to him.

Lois felt like throwing up.

And then something caught her attention in the corner of her eye and Lionel looked up. "Oh good, he's finally waking up."

And Lex was. He stirred, then pushed himself to his knees and looked around...

...and started to visibly shake.

The TV had audio. He started _screaming_ , kicking out, bashing his head against the floor, the walls--

Lionel sighed and flicked the sound off.

"Really, I'd thought him a little stronger than that," he voiced, tone dripping with disgust as Lois watched the screen in sheer horror. He sighed heavily. "Ah, well. I suppose that will take some work."

" _Some work??_ " Lois shrieked, finally tearing her gaze away. "Are you _insane?!?_ " she screamed at him. "Let him out of there!!"

"Oh, I think not," Lionel said firmly.

"Then let me go to him and calm him down, tell him what's going on!" she demanded, pushing herself upright again.

Lionel looked at her in surprise.

"Now, why would I want anyone to do that?" he said.

Lois stared at him, speechless, then started at the double-knock on the door.

"Ah, and that would be my cue to leave," Lionel said, straightening his coat. "It's time for you to go, my dear."

"If you think that I won't tell my father what you're doing--" Lois said heatedly as the door opened and two burly male nurses came in.

"Hm? Oh -- you misunderstand, Miss Lane," Lionel said, turning to face her as the nurses advanced. "You're not leaving the _building_ , just this room. --Take her down to the lab and strap her in," he directed them.

Lois backed up a few steps. "What the hell?? What do you think you're doing!!" she yelled at him. "Stay away from me!" at the guards, who were slowly spreading out side-by-side, palms out, coming towards her.

"Oh, I'm tying up loose ends," he said. "You know a bit too much. A shame, really. The General will be very sad to hear that you've gone quite insane, as much as my own son, more's the pity. I'm sure I can cobble something together from the audiotape for him," he said, as Lois backed up against the far wall, desperately trying to think of a way out of this.

"You-- you can't do this!" she screamed at him as they grabbed her. She struggled and tried to pull away, to no avail.

"Oh, but I can," Lionel said. "After all, who's going to stop me? --You?" he laughed.

"You monster!!"

"Mm, I like to think of myself as more of a shrewd businessman, actually. I like to leave the visionary work to my son; such the imagination," he said, stroking his bearded chin as he glanced back up at the monitor. "Ah, it's too bad; I doubt I'll be able to get much more out of him than you did," he said as he walked out the open doorway. "That meteor-freak conversion idea, though -- now that sounded interesting," he shot back over his shoulder. "You won't mind helping me test out that theory, now, will you?"

"LIONEL!" she screamed at him, and she made a hard kick at the knee of the guard-nurse on her left.

He actually went down, and she twisted and kicked at the remaining guard.

The second nurse just grunted as he took the hit, snorted at her, grabbed ahold of her shoulder, and practically _threw_ her at the floor, while Lionel blandly looked on.

She hit hard.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Lois woke up screaming on the floor, with Lex crouched beside her looking worried.

She lashed out blindly at the blanket tangled and wrapped around her, getting halfway free, and he reached forward and caught her by the shoulders.

"NO!" she screamed, trying to pull away, and he let go immediately, eyes wide.

"...Lois?" Clark said hazily, leaning over them both, with the worst bedhead she'd ever seen.

It was too much. Lois began laughing so hard she started crying.

"Y-you, you _bastard_ ," she cried at him through her tears. "You gave me _nightmares_ , you crazy fuck!" she said, whacking him in the arm a couple times, angrily.

And then she collapsed against Luthor, her head hitting his shoulder.

"I-- I'm... sorry?" Lex said, sounding confused. She felt him twist his neck away, probably to glance up at Clark.

And then his hands -- arms -- wrapped around her tentatively, then solidly, and she was pulled into a hug. Gently.

She started to giggle, because, well, --getting hugged by a Luthor? _Way_ crazier than any stupid old aliens.

And then she felt another arm around her back and she got squeezed into Luthor's chest and, hey, that must be Clark, with the under the breath wordless protest she heard come from Lex right by her ear.

Lois took a deep breath in and let it out, finally starting to calm down again.

"...Sorry, I," she started to pull away, through two sets of arms, but it was actually easier than she'd thought. "I don't usually have bad dreams."

"You... want to talk about it?" Clark asked, looking worried, but also like he didn't want to pry or force her to share.

"Uh..." she said, rubbing at her freed-from-the-blanket arms. "I wouldn't want to make anybody paranoid."

"I'm not paranoid; I'm just thoroughly prepared," Lex said primly, and that got him a laugh; he deserved one for that.

"I, uh..." Lois took another breath -- the guys were close by, they were all ok, right? "I dreamed that there was something in the wine and Lionel grabbed me and Lex and we were stuck in Belle Reeve," she explained, a bit more in order than her dream had been.

Clark sucked in a breath.

Lex looked thoughtful.

"Where was Clark in all this?" he asked.

"What?" said Lois. "I... uh, I don't know..." Fuck -- she couldn't even remember asking. Why hadn't she? Stupid dream.

"Ah," Lex said, like that explained everything. "Not a nightmare then -- you just weren't asleep long enough."

"She wasn't?" Clark said dubiously, in a very 'what the hell?' tone.

"No," Lex said. "She totally missed out on the part where you strode in and beat them all up for her, in a cape and tights -- her own personal superhero," Lex said, looking up at him with a straight face.

"Wh-what?" Clark sputtered, while Lois got a mental image and started to giggle again. Then she realized that she must still be a bit drunk. She wondered how long she'd been asleep.

"Cape and--"

"No tights!" Clark said, cutting Lex off.

"But they'd show off your legs so nicely!" Lex said with a smirk, obviously trying to keep down laughter, with the way his eyes were glittering in the low-light of the one bedside lamp.

"No tights!" Clark said grumpily. "No tights _ever_."

"Sigh, poor tights," said Luthor, slumping dejectedly, and Lois giggled again, covering her mouth with her hands.

"...Are you guys _drunk?_ " Clark asked, suddenly suspicious.

"Mmmaybe?" Lex said innocently.

Clark groaned.

" _Just_ a cape and tights?" Lois said under her breath to Lex, and he grinned at her.

Clark must've heard her, too, because he turned bright red. _Oops._

"Well, as long as you're all right..." Clark said.

Lois felt a little nervous.

"Hm, yes. I feel a little perturbed though," Lex said. "I don't think I like being thought so little of."

"J-jesus, Luthor, he had you in a straitjacket after being drugged. There's not a hell of a lot anybody could do--" Lois said, rewrapping her blanket around her.

Lex blinked at her, then sighed.

"Always underestimated," he said morosely, rolling his eyes up at the ceiling. "Oh well, I suppose I'd rather everyone did that, so long as my enemies continue to."

Clark tilted his head at Lex, and he said, with a sigh, "Really, after what happened with Belle Reeve, do you honestly think I wouldn't learn how to get myself out of a straitjacket?"

Lois and Clark both blinked at him.

"And I assure you," he continued, "My first response upon finding myself bound and tied in a padded room would most certainly _not_ be to lose my mind in fear. I prefer anger and rage, thank you," he said calmly.

"Though I think that ending up in Belle Reeve, or being confined anywhere else, would be the least problematic, given that I generally tell my personal security staff where I am generally going, and they are trained to respond when my cell signal shows that I have deviated significantly from my itinerary," he said. "Not to mention that unless I give a signal otherwise, that within twelve hours of the last coded 'ok' response from me that they are respond appropriately."

"What happens if you miss the twelve hour mark?" Clark said.

"Then regardless of whether I send a late signal or not, they are to track me down with all haste and kick the door in," Lex told him. "And then be thoroughly irritated with me for oversleeping again," he said, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards.

"That doesn't help while you're being attacked," Clark said with a frown.

"No but the gun holstered at my back, the ankle holster with similar, and the various knives and lockpicks hidden on my person all do help. I _have_ finally learned that there are better ways to handle a life-threatening situation than to wait for you to save me, Clark," he said smoothly, looking down.

Clark didn't seem to look very happy about it, though.

"Although I believe I need to apologize to you, Miss Lane -- I should have explained why I acted so strangely when I tasted the alcohol, I think?" he said, looking back at her.

"Why did you?" she asked, glancing down at his ankles briefly.

"I did say before that I've had distilled wine from an unlicensed still before..." he began. "The strength seemed a bit odd compared to the sugary flavor. It took a bit to taste it, but it had been cut with whiskey."

"Oh," Lois said. It had been really smooth -- she'd only tasted the sweet grapes and the apple flavoring, not the corn hops.

Clark sighed out deeply. "So, um, can we get back to sleep?"

"--Did it seem strange to you that all the other rooms filled up?" Lois asked suddenly, because that actually had been bothering her earlier.

Clark frowned at her, then glanced around the room for some reason. Lex just said, "Actually, it did, but the woman said she only rents them out on a night-to-night basis on the weekends, and the paper ledger seemed to reflect that."

Lois frowned a little. "Oh..."

"I would have been more worried if it had been a weekday; there usually seem to be at least two rooms free any other day of the week from the log," he added.

Clark sighed lightly and sagged against the bed, looking completely relaxed. "So, _now_ we can sleep?" he nearly whined, looking at them both hopefully.

Lois and Lex both glanced at each other.

...When all was said and done, Lois ended up wrapped up in blankets and sleeping between the two of them on the big bed, Lex at her front and Clark at her back, arms wrapped around both her and Lex.

She turned down Lex's offer of the Glock 30 from his back holster, 'just in case, if she wanted.'

It was a nice gun. ...No Beretta M9, but still. Nice.

It didn't occur to her until the next morning, post-hangover and morning-coffee, that she'd been joking about him getting ahold of a damn butter knife the night before when he'd already been armed to the teeth.

And had been the whole time, probably from the previous day.

She wondered as she sipped at her coffee and watched the two Kansas boys bicker over strawberry tarts, if Lana had known he was packing in the coffee shop while she had been calling him insane.

He hadn't reached for anything once. That took control.

...She'd have to be careful if she wanted to catch him in a headlock. Bastard was full of surprises, apparently.

She narrowed her eyes at him over the rim of her mug as she sipped at her coffee.

Yup. Definitely bore watching, that one.

 _...And maybe Clark, too,_ she thought as she eyed the farmboy who had bested some of her dad's best guys hand-to-hand and unarmed, at one time, years ago.

~*~*~*~*~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN2: ...Yes, there are plotty Lexy reasons why Lex is being so open with Lois, we'll get to that more next chappy with Lex POV :) ...whenever that comes out, it's unfortunately probably gonna be awhile :-/


End file.
